Better at Walking Together

Posted on 14/06/2016 by Ian

I was walking along the other day with my wife, holding hands, just walking. We were walking side by side and just out shopping – well, my wife was shopping, I was going along to be with her, because I wanted to.

Yes, we are holidaying in Bali at the moment, we love it, and we love walking around and looking at ‘stuff’. We also like doing it together.

This is when I noticed, we are somewhat in the minority…..

Most couples, even on holidays, seem to be on a quest.

The husbands (or is partner now the only acceptable term) are striving ahead, with the wife (partner!) dutifully following the mandatory 1 metre behind – OR, the wife is eagerly strutting towards the next shop and the husband is dragging his arse the mandatory 2 metres of shitted off, following you around, want a beer more than being here, look on his face and droop in his gait…

Okay, so why are you even out and about together. Just go separately, or is the habitual obligation of your marriage (or partnership) something you have to demonstrate publicly to make us all suffer along with you.

I understand sometimes ‘the man’ feels the obligation to walk in front with the ‘I’m not a tourist and have been here heaps of times before and know what I’m doing and where I’m going’ look on his face in a modern attempt at the cave man confidence which must always be displayed in foreign situations; but, does it really apply to doing something that is supposedly, something BOTH of you WANT to do TOGETHER.

My wife and I (reminds me as I type that the first time you say that at you wedding – “On behalf of my wife and I” – I’ve had a bit of practice at that!) go together because we want to be together, we want to walk side by side, we want to hold hands – it’s not always a journey, sometimes its just walking around. (Just as a note, we hold hands everywhere we go – life is too short not to hold hands!)

And… then there are times we don’t hold hands. That is when we are not together. Sometimes I go by myself and sometimes she does – because we want to and because the other one understands.

I know the moan of ‘having to go shopping with the wife’ situation. Surely, if it is your wife there is no HAVE to. Sometimes I do things that are not things I think are important, or I would like to do (like just about any form of shopping!) but I go because I want to be with my wife, and she may want me to come (the reasons behind this actually still remain a mystery to me – although the occurrence of this is pretty rare, my wife is smart!), so I am not actually doing it for me, there is nothing in it for me…. but, there is, it is making my wife happy.

This reminds me of something I heard/read/imagined about the father talking to his future son-in-law and telling him that ‘marriage wasn’t for him’. Of course the future son-in-law was worried that permission to marry the daughter was going to get knocked back – but, the father went on to say, it is not for you, it is for the other person; you change your life from doing things for yourself to doing things, everything, for another person because you now hold them more important than you. Of course this is a great theory, but, we as humans have a great trait of taking advantage of situations. That’s where the ultimate gift of marriage, or a relationship, or a lot of other things in life, comes down to one thing, TRUST. (I just remembered I wrote about this once before using the Indonesian interpretation and punctuation of the words Anda and saya. Click here to read it)

I put my wife first. Oh, I catch myself a thousand times a day NOT doing that, but, I actually do catch myself. My wife puts me first. We trust each other.

We walk along holding hands, we walk along together, because we want to be together. We remind each other of it each day, by holding hands, by walking side by side, neither following nor leading, both wanting to be there. And, when that is not working out, we catch ourselves, we wait for the other one to catch up, we walf faster to catch up, we walk back and get them, we walk back and get them and carry them if we have to. And, sometimes, walking together can actually be taking a different route so that we end up in the same destination, then we share our stories, tell of our trip, when we are back together.

I sometimes think that being a better man is understanding that some of the simplest things in life are the most important, like going for a walk and holding hands.

PS: I went out to get some photographs in Ubud, Bali. I sat in a little cafe (okay, it was a bar!) and had a coffee (okay, I drank 4 beers!) and took all these photographs in an hour – I did not see one (Yes, you read right – NOT ONE!) couple holding hands. I am going to get a T-Shirt made which reads “At least while you are on holidays HOLD HANDS”.

Better at “the dialectic”

Posted on 25/04/2016 by Ian

Well it has been some time since I have been mad here. Screen Shot 2016-04-25 at 11.30.59

And it escalates. The YouTube channel is going well and I have decided that you can go against your nature. I have spoken about this a fair bit in other posts; talking about the Scorpion and the Frog and generally trying to find a way to be a better man while all the time fighting against ‘my nature’.

I have decided it is fight I am going to lose! I will lose, not because it is a battle that I cant win, not because using all my strategies is invalid, but because the one thing that continues to be my achilles heal will always trip me up, and that is – I am me.

But, it not a fight I am prepared to give up on.
Here comes in “The Dialectic”. Dialectic thinking is a pretty hard thing to explain – I tried once in a previous p ost and used my time in Bali as an example – bearing in mind philosophers have been arguing about it for years, sorry centuries! They can’t come up with a definitive answer so how am I. Well lets start off with a few of THEIR definitions and then I’ll get to how this is MY answer:

Dialectic thinking:

“a method of argument or exposition that systematically weighs contradiction, facts or ideas with a view to the resolution of their real or apparent contradictions”
(Fuck, that made my brain hurt!)

“The process of reconciliation of contradictions”
(That’s better – a bit like me.)

To me it is, allowing two contradictory ideas to exist at the same time.

Can I be the Scorpion and the Frog at the same time. Can I still be shitted off by most things and wanting to tell most people I meet to get fucked AND be a better man. Does one contradict the other so much that there can be no conciliation between the two. The philosophers seem to think so – I do not!

I am me, sometimes it is not a pretty sight, but I am also resolved to be a better man – a man who lives his values, his beliefs and his convictions. A man who is not wandering through life oblivious to my own existence. A man who thinks a person is better, bigger and more important that the latest LCD Internet connects 100 inch TV.

To me dialectic thinking is about being those contradictions.

Not living those contradictions in conflict but just living them; as a better man.

As someone once said to me, how will you know when you are the ‘better man’ or is it a continuous process that never finishes.

I thought about it for a moment and said “Fuck if I know, but I refuse to continue living as a robot”.

I hope that my new series of videos “The Dialectic” goes a bit of the way to changing ‘Fucked if I know” to “Fuck me, I get it!”

Better at Saying Hello

Posted on 30/11/2015 by Ian

I haven’t written for a while as I have been working on a few posts all at once – all in which I hate the world!

I try to live my ‘mantras’ everyday; you know the ones, peace, mindfulness etc etc, but life, people, problems and more people, get in the way (one of the posts I was working on was called “Swimming in Shit” – so you get the gist of where my head has been!)

Then things changed and I realised, in a moment, the power of “HELLO”.

I met a friend who I hadn’t seen for a while and they were just glad to see me. They said HELLO – with their EYES, their SMILE and their HEART. It was a Hello that made me happy straight away. I think it also set the scene for the brief conversation we had – it was positive, it was upbeat, we laughed and we talked about ‘good stuff’.

The goodbye came and it was a good goodbye – if wasn’t a “let’s do lunch” goodbye, it wasn’t ‘I’ll call you goodbye’, it wasn’t a ‘we should do this more often’ goodbye – it was a goodbye, that said it was good to be with you, for that moment.

So often I am ‘swimming in shit’ and I have no doubt that sneaks through in every one of my Hellos. I have to get better at saying ‘hello’.

I (we) are coming to a time of the year where it can be stressful, happy, and sad at the same time. It can be wonderful with kids and family and friends, when at the same time we are thinking of those that are not with us anymore.

It is also a time of the year when we see lots of people.

It is a time of the year for lots of “Hellos”.

I am going to be better at saying “Hello”.

Hello will be with my heart
Hello will be with my eyes (I’m looking at you)
Hello with be with my smile (Greeting people you know is great!)
Hello because I’m glad to see you (because I or you, may not be here tomorrow)
Hello is for now, this moment

Hello, Hello, Hello – glad to see you, tell me about the good things in your life and I’ll tell you about mine.

Hello, Goodbye – it was great to see you!

Better Knowledge

Posted on 06/11/2015 by Ian

I haven’t written a post for awhile as I have been reading and …… well, thinking.

I realised that although I think I know a lot of stuff there was a lot of stuff I didn’t know about. I have been increasingly curious about ‘why I am here and what is the point’.

Yes, I know that we are all plagued with the age old question “what is the meaning of life” – but, in actual fact I don’t think we are…. I think the majority of the time we are just going about living, oblivious to our inevitable deaths which so often appear to be a surprise and a period of intense grief to those remaining…. and, then of course we go on with our lives again.

I am sure that prior to that moment there must be something more important than the latest episode of The Bachelorette, the price of the new iPhone (Do I really, really, need my phone upgraded – Why?) and indulging in the latest ‘pleasure’ because the Merchants of Misery (The Media) tell me that it IS the latest pleasure.

So, where have I been for the last month – I have been thinking and reading and then thinking about what I had read – and then researching and thinking and writing down what I had researched, thought about and read.

I was helped along when the 24 year old son of a friend was chatting to me; he was studying music and said that throughout history the particular period in time was reflected in the music – he gave examples of during the 60’s it was all very ‘free’, it go angry in the 70’s because of war and injustice and then down right radical in the 80’s with punk rock and anarchy being the musical cry…. he then said, he was looking at music over the last 10 or 15 years and it was just a mess – there was no theme and there was no meaning – it was noise for noise sake and for sales profits… he said he was disillusioned as it reflected the world. This philosophical observation by a 24 year old, was further emphasised by the other philosophical blurbs of my children, my favourite which is there explanation and my inability to understand that 40 text messages back a forward was a better method to organise getting together, than a 30 second phone call.

I take my children’s observations of the world with the same grains of salt that no doubt my parents took with my observations of the world. However….. the real moment came when I was driving in the car and heard a song come on the radio (my wife told me this morning that it had hit number 1 on iTines!) that described a guy going into buy a moped – are you fucking kidding me!

I agreed instantly with my 24 year old philosopher – todays music is lost – there is no generational theme, no undercurrent of meaning, no soul – it is a reflection of the world created by the Merchants of Misery (The Media) selling us more crap so that we buy more crap – all to seek pleasure in the way they tell us to – ultimately, so we will buy more crap.

Pleasure is no happiness; pleasure is not meaning; and telling me about buying a moped is no fucking music!!!

Where has all the knowledge gone about what is important and what has meaning.

Maybe, I have answered my own question – the meaning has gone in the music because we have lost the meaning to our lives. We have lost some ‘depth’ to our existence.

In my reading and my thinking and my writing, my writing mainly consisting of mad notes scribbled on random piece of paper, I decided that society has lost some valuable knowledge about living that has been replaced with bad music, instant gratification, new stuff every week and striving for things that don’t only not matter but we can’t actually identify what they are.

My example of this is asking people this very simple question:

If you could be anything you want, where money was not really a consideration; where you would be doing something that was your passion: where you know doing it everyday would make you happy. What would you be?”

I often clarify this by saying, “Well I always wanted to fly jets, and be an astronaut” but know that is not very likely and as it turns out it was not really my passion – just a fantasy. So “What would you be” – “What would you do”.

Strangely enough, the majority of people I ask say “I don’t know?” – now I ask this to people of all ages and the answer in about 90% of cases is “I don’t know” – well, I have one think to say to that, how fucking sad. It would be fair enough that you never attain your dreams – but, it is a tragedy to never have any!

Of course there are the ‘trap’ answers that actually mean nothing:
“I want to be happy”
“I want to be rich”

I reply – define happy – define rich and if you were rich what would you do? Would you be happy?

We are all so confused or worse – not thinking about our lives. Why?

Because, nobody taught us how to think about our lives. Yeah, we all went to school and learned stuff that we thought was shit at the time and turned out to be shit – but most of that ‘learning’ was really ‘educating’ as it was designed to teach us a few fundamentals to get us through (how to read, basic maths, the times table) but, actually the rest was teaching us how to think – I don’t think our current teachers even understand this concept.

So, we leave school being able to read and write and have a good basis for surviving in the world…… really? Where is the REAL KNOWLEGE about living IN the world. The REAL knowledge is actually about other people and us; how to get along. Where were all the lessons on picking a partner, picking friends, getting on with people, how to deal with conflict, how to deal with loss and heart ache, how to be happy is a world that may be unfair and tragic through no fault of your own. Screen Shot 2015-11-06 at 5.25.52 pm

Life may actually be able to teach you about life – and, experience is the best teacher, BUT, why do we not a least try to teach our kids, and each other (it is never too late) that the real meaning of life and the real lessons in life are not about Nikes, and iPhones, and stuff, and the noise of the Merchants of Misery, but, how I get along with society, my neighbour, my family, my partner and most of all myself.

Better Say it Now….

Posted on 10/07/2015 by Ian

I do have a lot more time on my hands lately working towards retirement, and have realised that a lot of what I used to talk about doesn’t appear to matter so much anymore.

I have also noticed that what is important to others, my friends, my work collegues, has just lost it’s urgent and imperative nature. I have realised that a lot of what we talk about and say really is just the momentum of the rubbish that fills modern day life.

Is that report really urgent – or even important.
Do we really care about that piece of office politics – does it even touch my life unless I talk about it.
Give me that 3 minutes back that I wasted reading that email.
Do I need to send that email – especially to confirm a conversation I just had with
you.
I really can’t tolerate listening to you bitch about the same thing you have been bitching about for the last three (or even read 10) years in your job.
….. and of course as I have said before, your ailments may be serious but they are not very interesting.

I wrote once before about the rituals of going to work, or even catching up with relatives and friends and we go through the motions – “Good-day, how are you” – “Fine, and you” – Yeah, great”. Of course this is all thrown into turmoil when you say “How are you?” and they actually tell you – God, kill me!

Well that’s what I thought. But, now I have a ‘but’ to my previous reasoning behind that.

Surely, me asking them how they are – even in an automated ritual – and them telling me is important. It must be more important than the footy scores on the weekend?

Although lately I am watching more footy, not having been a real sports nut in the past, and I think I am beginning to understand – it is good fun, exciting and I now get how yelling at the TV can be very satisfying… even if I don’t know every players name (who was ever born!) and their entire career and statistical history! I also just realised that there is a sort of ‘sports spectator elitism’ – I am sure if next time I go to the pub and talk about the footy and can’t recite a blow for blow rendition of the entire game, I am some how tarnished as a ‘pretender’ and just doing it to ‘fit in’ – so I secretly sneak back to being a closet footy supporter and reading classic novels, appreciating art, wearing clothes other than track suits, continue to say Australia instead of Straya, watch the ABC (non footy shows), and have all my own teeth. I have learned my lesson; so the next time I go to the pub and they ask me about the footy, I say I don’t follow it, they call me a poofta, it’s just easier!

So you are telling me how you really are? But, I am busy and have to get to that meeting about forming a committee to develop an innovative planning proposal to segway our new benchmark process into organisational synergy and value added people friendly systems.

The other day I went to the country town where I grew up as a kid. In doing some business around town I came across an old school buddy. I really enjoyed the chat and it was funny how, I think… we still thought about the same things – well sort of, it is a bit hard to explain….. But, it was a connection, or reconnection, that I really enjoyed and still resonates with me now, a couple of days later.

I felt pretty good after talking to my ‘old mate’ and immediately it popped into my head to tell my Mum about it as she still has a great memory of all the ‘old town’ people…… then….. I remembered, she died.

It is something that happens, I think, to all of us, that we want to ‘chat’ to someone and realise they are gone – either gone, dead – or gone, not in our lives anymore.

It is a bit sad, but it is sadder that we don’t actually say the things we want to say when they are around. They are the moments, we all have them, when we are thinking of someone and say “I better give so-and-so a call’ and then life gets in the way (probably that meeting where we are still trying to work out what ‘synergy’ really means) and then the moment is lost and before we know it they may very well be completely lost.

It will always be the conversation we never had.

The other day I rang an old mate to say hello. There is an amazing thing about mobiles phones, they have been around for a long time nowadays and people take them when they move house; plus there is Facebook and the interwebthing where you can always find someone – I think I have had the same mobile phone number for about 17 years!

So I rang my old mate and we went through the cordial hello’s, how are you (thank God he didn’t tell me!) and then he said “So, how can I help you?” and I said “You can’t, I just rang to say hello to me old mate and to see how you were going”. There was silence for a moment, and he said, well thanks mate, I really appreciate that, good to here from you. I then actually, asked him how he was going because I wanted to know!!! ….. and then he told me, and I was interested, and I listened, and I cared …… and we had a great old chat; old mates talking shit. Now we finished off that we would catch up for a coffee, and maybe we will, but now it doesn’t matter so much because we said what had to be said, what didn’t have to be said and were glad that it wasn’t too late. I probably will give him another ring, and probably will catch up for a coffee.

So, if I ring you for no reason, this is probably the reason. I’m sorry that it might come out of the blue and you may be busy – that’s okay, ring me back after the meeting and I walk out of mine to talk to you – I am actually interested in how you are – I can spare the time, because tomorrow, later, after the silly season, in the holidays, after I get this report finished….., may never come. Screen Shot 2015-07-10 at 11.24.37

So, I will finish with one of my favourite poems.

Sorry if I am repeating anything I have written before – it is just that nowadays, I am just sitting down and writing as opposed to hyperlinking my life…. each thing that I have to say, I don’t put off, the excuses are only the ones I create…

The Indispensable Man

Sometimes when you’re feeling important

Sometimes when you’re ego’s in bloom

Sometimes when you take it for granted

You’re the best qualified man in the room

Sometimes when you think that your going

Will leave an un-fillable hole

Just follow these simple instructions

And see how it humbles your soul

Take a bucket and fill it with water

Put you hand in it up to the wrist

Take it out and the hole that’s remaining

Is a measure of how you’ll be missed

You can splash all you like as you enter

You can stir up the water galore

But wait and you’ll see in a moment

It looks just the same as before

The moral in this quaint example

Is just do the best that you can

Be proud of yourself and remember

There’s no indispensable man

Better in the Glory Years

Posted on 07/07/2015 by Ian

Screen Shot 2015-07-07 at 11.57.13 What is it with old people wanting to either rule the world or tell me about their latest operation.

As I have said before, the ailments of the elderly are often serious but rarely interesting.

Just learn to love your life… now.

What are the glory years.

I think they are between 25 and 45. That seems like a very short window of opportunity, but it is in that period between I don’t know shit and I don’t give a shit

As an ‘older’ person (50+) surely we have contributed through the hard years, with long hours, innovation, promotions, the hard slog and trying to make a difference in a world where everybody is trying to do the same. The next generation is coming! …. and they are coming in their own way. Screen Shot 2015-07-07 at 11.44.18

Just the other day I was sitting at a committee meeting with the same people I have been sitting on that committee with for the last 25 years! When we all joined the committee we were appalled by the ‘old bastards’ who were doing the job then and slowly pushed them
from the committee so that we could drag it into something worthwhile for our generation. We were young, smarter than them, more motivated than them, and in all honesty got
things done! I pointed out to the committee members the other day that we are all now ten years older than the ‘old bastards’ were when we pushed them out. I also reminded them that when they speak to the young people this committee allegedly ‘serves’ – after we have passed on our little gem of knowledge and walked away thinking we have imparted some real wisdom, don’t listen too closely as you will hear “Silly old bastard”
being said.

I just think that the things we do in our life (as with friends) are for reasons and seasons and occasionally, very occasionally for that entire life. Screen Shot 2015-07-07 at 11.37.25

It is similar in that there are jobs (the people you meet as friends on holidays), vocations (the people who love what you do and they love doing it with you) and true passions (the childhood friend who you still hang out with and couldn’t imagine them not being in your life).

It is realising which one you are doing that is important. I am sure lots of us wake up and realise that we have suddenly found out that the friends we met on holidays are in our life all the time and we are not on holidays anymore and it is just not the same and secretly we wish they would just go away (why did I give them our address!?)

It is the same with the ‘glory years’. We hang onto them and then suddenly realise (or actually most people don’t realise) that they are over and now you are just the old guy on the committee who talks shit and wont retire!

I was in the pub the other day (a serious part of my post 50 vocation) when I saw a guy who I used to work with and barely recognised him. No, it wasn’t because he looked old and wanted to tell me about a rash that wouldn’t go away – it was because he looked so good, younger, fitter, healthier, happier. Why? He was 9 days (he also told me the hours) until he officially retired from a ‘vocation’ he had been doing for 40 years. He said it was time to retire and he was moving onto the next part of his life. He didn’t bitch about his working life but said how great it was and how much he had loved it, but now was the time to go, it wasn’t his world anymore – by the way he was 55!

I know how he feels and am on the cusp of retiring myself. I am not going away bitter, I am just going away. Not going out in a blaze of glory, or hanging on as a sad, bitter, pathetic dinosaur – but, slowly stepping out the door, shaking the hands of the ‘friends’ I will never see again, remembering the good times, allowing the bad times to fade and leaving it all in the hands of those like me back them, living the glory years.

Screen Shot 2015-07-07 at 11.40.05 POST SCRIPT
I am not dead, just different! The ending of the glory years are the beginning of something more special. Spending time with yourself, being in the world and not pushed along buy it. I am also here if you need me, I have the time to help and the time to talk – not the time to child care and baby sit by the way! I managed that myself so can you. It is the time for turning learning into wisdom, if for no one else other than myself. It is time for noticing the world. It is a time for peacefulness, spiritualness (that can be anything you want), laughter and remembering. It is a a time for phone calls to friends or people who you would like to be your friends (not people you met on holidays – or maybe now it is the time for them?). It is time for phone calls, visits and letters to those who need them. It is time for thankfulness and forgiveness.

It is the post ‘glory years’ where the real rewards actually are, you just a have to look and stop telling people about your next Doctors appointment!

Better at being FAT

Posted on 06/07/2015 by Ian

I think everyone should think positive thoughts about themselves.

So often the ‘Merchants of Misery’ (aka the Media and Advertisers) tell us that we should be a certain way, dress a certain way, weigh a certain amount, protest against a perceived injustice…… but, really we are nothing like the way they tell us to be.

We are all different….

But, being different, having a positive body image and loving ourselves is different from using all these things to justify being unhealthily overweight…….. wow, that preamble didn’t prepare you for that did it!!!!!

Enough already with confusing body image with being unhealthy. Enough already with excuses for being fat…. you are fat because you eat toooooooo much!!!!!!!

Okay, stop yelling.

Let’s just get this out of the way. Yes, you can be overweight and still be healthy, playing sport, having an active life, low cholesterol, normal blood pressure and blood sugar – basically the same as a skinny person…. BUT, a BIG BUT (no pun intended), most people who are over weight are NOT like that!!!!

And just one more thing to get out of the way. Do you really think (now answer honestly!), do you really think, the plus sized models haven’t been photo-shopped!

Okay one more thing – I have seen the ‘body image’ photographs of women after breast cancer and think there is real bravery and true stories of appropriate body image pride but that is a different thing and probably the subject of another post for you to hate me over…. also remember my wife had breast cancer so no rock throwing from a glass house here….

The above things are different from just being fat. Being fat and unhealthy are not about body image they are about the tale we have been sold to make us feel better about ourselves by buying lots of food, lots of take aways, lots of cakes, lots of ‘energy drinks’ and not beating the bulge.

I hate it that the media tell us what we should be like, but I also hate it that people tell me not to tell my own children that they are getting dangerously overweight! I hate it that a size 10 in now an old size 12… now there is an injustice. I hate it fast food companies are targeted for serving unhealthy food yet fat people are not targeted for gluttony! I hate it that fat is the new fashion accessory, that muffin tops are mandatory and having an acre of exposed wobbling flesh (and your 15!) is okay.

Remember, don’t hurt their feelings, don’t give them anorexia, give them a big Mac instead and a heart attack at 40.

Stop making offensive media, fashion and advertising issues about anything other than manipulation and trying to get that last cent out of your wallet.

God, there are so many people that I love and here are a few things I say to them:

– dont drink drive
– dont take drugs
– dont smoke cigarettes

Through these phrases I am a caring, loving and thoughtful person, wanting the best for my family and friends.

But I become a criminal when I say don’t eat that pie for morning tea, that subway footlong for lunch, a snickers for afternoon tea, 2 minutes noodles when you get home, hungry jacks for tea with KFC for a midnight snack….. because it WILL make you fat….

FACT: Calories in Calories out. Screen Shot 2015-06-06 at 1.37.11 pm

(Just a note – have you ever seen a fat person in a concentration camp – also another interesting fact, concentration camps were invented by the English not the Germans!)

Sorry….. but using body image to sell fast food to fat people is a disgrace……

I am ready now to be hated…..

PS: Don’t try and sell me that big boned argument either, yeah, I agree there are genuine conditions such as lymphedema – but some of the other conditions, “hello type 2 diabetes” that are actually caused by being fat – not the other way around – any other exotic “it made me fat” diseases really are unique and not the cause of our general fat population – see above calories in – calories out!

Better at Telling Lies

Posted on 08/06/2015 by Ian

Screen Shot 2015-06-08 at 10.05.17 am Well I have been writing a lot of political and philosophical stuff in the last couple of posts (I even swore in a few and posted one of those on LinkedIn – oh, how naughty to actually print fuck!) and during that time I got to thinking what it must be like to be other people.

I often go on personal empathetic journeys, wondering ‘what would it be like to be….’

So here’s just a few that come to mind:

Bill Gates
My thoughts were – when you had more money than you could ever spend, what would be fun any more. Would it be fun to mess around in your shed, or does fixing the lawn mower get trumped by ‘how will I make my next billion.’ I think Bill walked away from it all and set up his foundation. Someone said he was trying to buy a Nobel Prize – which I think is fair enough as it is better than trying to buy ‘SnapChat’ – curing world hunger and disease beats a good selfie any day!

Tony Abbott
Did he really start out to do what he has done – surely not! Do any of them from any political side, what makes a man of values and virtue do some of the stuff they do. Just one question answered Yes or No by any of them would make my day. Also have you ever thought how they are supposed to know all the stuff the media ask them?

Myuran Sukumaran
What were those last moments like – knowing what was coming.

Terrorists
Really? How can you think what you are doing is okay at any level, anywhere…

Nelson Mandella
Who was gaoled for being a terrorist – then wasn’t a terrorist when the government changed – then became the government and opposed violence.

My Mum
She’s dead now, but what was it really like. Was I a selfish, self centred, disregarding, never visiting, take for granted, spoilt child like I think mine are? (PS: I don’t think my Mum ever told a lie!)

My Children
Do my children think they are the same as the above, or that I am hard to deal with, controlling, killjoy, overprotective, guilt mongering, cash tight, old fashioned, fuddy-duddy parent?

The Fucking Arsehole that Just Cut Me Off
Is he/she an arsehole; do they think I am an arsehole? I am trying to think what I know about them and realise I am actually them… we all are. Then I realise I know nothing about them – there are just too many of them!

Me
No, really enough about me – what about you – what do you think of me? What is it really like to be me (or You – I have assessed YOU below). Do I really know what it is like to be me. Do I spend a lot of time pretending to be you wondering what it is like to be me – trying to understand me? Probably not.

You
I don’t think about you much – I am too busy thinking about me and occasionally wondering what you think about me. Plus you are probably the arsehole that just cut me off. Or, could it be possible that you could be me, just the same, but not me.

So, now that I proven that I need to up my medication (what with the split personality flipping between me, you and Bill Gates!), but honestly I am getting pretty sick and tired of all the lies.

I wrote yesterday about the Merchants of Misery (the media and advertising) basically telling us that we are rubbish unless we buy some stuff they tell us we should buy. But, I am equally sick and tired of the lies everywhere that we tell each other and ourselves about each other and ourselves.

I suppose I am especially disturbed about the lies we tell ourselves and am constantly gob smacked how some of those lies we can actually believe….

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman….”
“There will be no carbon tax under a government….”
“We will find the weapons of mass destruction….” (NB: While typing that I made a typo and wrote “weapons of mass distraction”…….!!!)
“I’m not fat, stop oppressing me and giving me a false body image…..”
“Gay marriage is an important social……” (NB: Don’t ask me what I think about gay marriage, because I don’t….)
“Climate change is…….”
“The Cheque is in the mail…..” (NB: Only for those over 40!)
“You look great in that……”

Enough of the quotes I am making up or reciting from memory. I am just sick of the lies…..

Politicians not saying Yes or No;
Banks lying by omission on hidden fees and charges (but it was in the PDS! – whatever the fuck that is!)
Business saying it is okay to spend millions on lunch
Public servants saying they are working hard
Politicians using the public sector as their election campaign team and pretending it is policy or progress
The Police saying there is no traffic quota (and speed cameras are not for revenue raising – really, fucking spare me!)
The Merchants of Misery – everything they say
Me saying I am giving up smoking
My kids saying they didn’t get my text and they are reaaaaaally busy
I oppose the death penalty….. hang on what is that shiny thing over there – I oppose that too…..

But, mostly lying to ourselves that I am more important than you: we are more important (and my new LCD TV) than that starving black kid in whatever overseas land on the news right before the story about the Crows getting beaten and that bloody Port Power winning…..

Really, just stop lying. If you lie and keep telling yourself it is true, or true enough, or it doesn’t matter, then perhaps it doesn’t, because we will be doomed to die a most unfortunate death……

A death,
oblivious to the truth,
oblivious to others,
and the saddest of all…..

…….oblivious to ourselves.

Better at Original

Posted on 06/06/2015 by Ian

I was reading the news the today and realised that there were a lot of new articles and exclusives, even a few revelations…. but I realised that there Screen Shot 2015-06-06 at 13.03.06 didn’t appear to be anything original being written.

I also read the other day the media being referred to as the “Merchants of Misery.”

So when you have a group of people who are only providing misery and not even doing it originally you perhaps are receiving your information either from a group of liars or fools. Either way, the information you are receiving is not a reflection of who you are as a person let alone who we are as a group called society.

I wrote a post called Better than 10% which was another one of my completely unsubstantiated opinions on the world which said that only about 10 percent of everything on the internet was truly original (which incidentally is my true belief therefore it must be true – I wrote another post about this but can’t be stuffed looking it up….).
The best part about the Merchants of Misery is that they are able to tell us on a daily, hourly, minute by minute schedule how we can be truly, truly original and unique. We just have to buy everything they tell us to, want everything they want us to and most of all, be who they want us to be. We can even be different and just be the same as the rest, because the Merchants of Misery have told us that we are different…. Screen Shot 2015-06-06 at 12.52.41

…… just in passing I love the originality of the Hipster who initially emerged as a unique lifestyle choice and has now been developed by the Merchants of Misery to be cloned beards on yellow jeans wearing, sockless socialites in trendy over priced coffee shops…..

But, each time we strive for originality and uniqueness we are sucked into the Merchants of Misery void of not fitting in – which is contradictory to the original thought of being original.

The scary part of the ‘new original’ is that it is in fact looking for originality in the accumulation of self interest pursuits and power. The ‘new original’ also requires that the old non original has-beens provided us with all the opportunity to be original that we are obviously entitled to!

I need to think that the ‘new original’ will wake up one morning, unfortunately most probably after retirement, when they realise that there is no legacy only damage, no monuments only devastation, no heroes only broken lives and unemployed youth (of course this is only applicable to the first generation and all following generations don’t have to actually do this as they are born entitled!)

I also need to know that the ‘new original’ will not only leave new catch phrases to segway into their next life but may also enlighten another generation to the futility of the accumulation of power and wealth – all of which we leave behind when we die.

Screen Shot 2015-06-06 at 13.03.55 I have decided that the ‘new original’ is in fact the historical dictator in the
sheeps clothing of a corporate leader on a $13 million salary (For fuck sake what could you spend $13 million on a year other than being a fucking selfish, heartless, uncharitable, sightless prick (you obviously can’t see humanity or probably have lost yours) who in actual fact demonstrates no attributes of leadership.

The fact (remember I have said it with no research or qualifications on the subject whatsoever, so it must be a fact!) is that there is really nothing original in what the
Merchants of Misery are selling us; there is no originality in building a corporate empire of power and wealth, there is no uniqueness in going to your grave with a full bank balance and an empty heart.

As I sit here and write this I am thinking about the uniqueness that we all strive for and for some reason often think that we believe it is the differences that lead to our detriment and our eventual success in fitting in that will lead to our success.

Neither are true. It is just one fact that we have to realise to make a success of ourselves and our lives. Screen Shot 2015-06-06 at 13.01.00

We are an original.

There is only one.

All the copies will only ever be copies – that is, usually the ones we are trying to copy to overcome our complete original existence.

Our originality stares us in the face every day we look in the mirror; yet so often we fail to see it. What we actually see is the fail. We forget that we are original, the next second is new and original, the next thing we do has never been done before, our next move is an original move in our original life that will never come by again – just for information the childhood thought that somewhere in the world at any given time there is someone thinking the same thing or doing the same exact thing as you, at exactly the same time, is a statistical impossibility and quite honestly, a unless thought (I worked it our on my Atari 2000 so it must be true!)

I think tomorrow I wont look to the Merchants of Misery to tell me how to be original, to have that original thought, to lead that original life. Instead I might just stand for a couple of extra minutes in front of the mirror and see the originality of me, as I am now, here, in that moment.

Better Self Help Books

Posted on 16/05/2015 by Ian

I have a book shelf full of ‘self-help books.

I am sitting here in an idyllic setting in Bali, with no books (obviously I have the internet!) thinking about what do all these self-help books actually teach me.

A few have changed the course of my life as I have read them and had that light bulb moment where I have thought, Oh Yeah, how come I never saw that before? My great example of this is the little book called “Who Moved My Cheese.” It takes about 45 minutes to read, and when I did, it changed my life when I was 45 years old.

Other books I have highlighted, taken notes, even put up little posters – often to no avail when the moment comes where the books sage advice should have saved me from often repeating the same mistake!

I actually like reading these books as I always think that if I do it enough something must stick!

THE BEST SELF HELP BOOK

I think I found the best self help book. It actually wasn’t in the bookshelf it was in the bathroom; No! Not the pile of magazines in the toilet!

It was the mirror.

I think some time ago I was reading all these books trying to look for ‘the answer’ not realising it was staring back at me all the time.

I think I spent to many years looking at someone who wasn’t me. Whether the mirror was steamed over (anger has a tendency to do that!) or whether I had to many disguises and I never was too sure who that bloke was who was looking back at me. Also, I think life with all its media expectations, advertising and trends can turn that mirror, or at least our view of it, into the reflection you get from those old fashioned side-show mirrors – it’s a reflection of you, but somehow it is just not right. Another great way to get the reflection you want, is not to look – I did a lot of that.

Maybe the self-help books helped me to look, or maybe it was just that time, or maybe it was fate, luck, karma….

Irrespective of the reason, once you have seen it, it is hard to un-see. I would often tell people at work that once you know something you can’t ‘unknown’ it – so do you really want to know – often people wont ask anymore questions.

The one thing about self-help books is that you can put them back in the bookshelf and forget about them. Strangely enough a lot of the self-help books I have bought have been in second hand and op-shops; I often wonder if the people who donated them didn’t need them anymore or considering the condition of some of them, if they even actually read them?

But, the best self help book – your reflection you can’t put it way. Oh, yeah you can stop looking in the mirror, but that is only a part of it. You are constantly reflected in all the people around you – they are your true mirrors. Strangely enough it is NOT what they think about you but what you think about them.

Your value, my value, our value, is really about the way we see the world. It is about the reflection we see.

I haven’t quite worked out my reflection just yet, other than I probably need to get a hair cut! I know I see someone who wants to be a better man.

I think I will continue to look in the mirror until I can really see.

Being A Better Man

Who never made a mistake, never made a discovery….

Category Archives: Better Ideas

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