I was thinking of an old mentor of mine recently – as I do often, because the older I get the more his wisdom just makes sense and is spattered with old sayings from our childhoods that now we understand why our parents kept saying them…
He would often say when approaching an emergency situation:
“Don’t just do something, stand there.”
Of course our first thought is this sentence is the wrong way around.
He would follow up with, stand there and take it all in, it may only be for a moment, a second, half a second, but during that moment let your grey matter do the work….
So you are standing there as calamity reigns… take this moment to ask yourself a few very important questions:
- Am I in any danger.
If the answer is yes then the first thing is get our of that danger.
- It’s probably not as bad as it looks.
If your not in danger, don’t panic and get yourself into danger.
- Who is in charge?
If it appears nobody, then it may very well be you and you better get on with doing the job.
The interesting part of this great advice is firstly remembering it when the shit is hitting the fan; and secondly getting everybody else to stop running around causing more havoc….
My world has changed a bit over the last couple of years and the dangers I face are just not the same (I miss them a bit?).
However, the urge to run in full steam ahead still exists in most things I do. Often this is easy as the majority of people are usually oblivious to what is happening and the others are filming it to put on YouTube.
As I come across these ‘dangerous’ circumstances in my life I hear and heed the words ‘don’t just do something stand there’ – they are often followed by ‘take a deep breath’ ‘count to 10’ all good advice from previous generations, all ignore by the next.
But lately, it is not so much danger as ‘problems’ I have to deal with – I suppose depending on how you look at it, there is not much difference, only perhaps the increased chances of death versus an undercooked steak being returned to the kitchen. In making this leap – and it has been a leap – in dealing with danger versus dealing with problems, I have begun to realise there are in fact no problems. Yes, there is often danger, and in situations of danger the problem is dealing with fear. However in day to day life we just love to describe what is happening as a problem.
I am giving that up.
Things are only problems in our head – the reality is that they are just situations that we have failed to accept and as such want to change them into a problem so that we can fix them to being what we consider normal – or as importantly, what we want it to be.
A few examples I have come across lately:
The problem with ‘cold callers.’ Immediately where hear that accented voice, or the conversation starts with ‘you have been randomly selected…’ etc etc. We can feel our blood pressure rising and the annoyance at this ‘problem’ interrupting our very busy and important day. Really? You can just immediately hang up and get on with your day – about 2 seconds of ‘problem’ and it is stopped. I personally chat with them as I am retired and I ask them more questions about themselves than their products “How are you today” “Where are you calling from” “Are you married” “What sort of car do you drive” – often they just hang up (problem solved) or occasionally I have an interesting conversation with someone who I was randomly selected to have a chat with. I never buy anything.
The problem of people disagreeing with me. This is a particular problem as I am almost aways right – but, often so are they. So, I just let them disagree with me. I often and easily agree with them and then just go on thinking what I want anyway. Is there ever a real chance that someone who is addicted to an idea changing that idea because you disagree with them. Most times by agreeing with them the conversation is over as mostly they just want to argue anyway and it doesn’t matter what it is about.
The problem of not having enough money to buy shit people on the telly tell me I need. Forget this problem it just makes you hate your life now. If you buy what they tell you to, they will only bring out something next week that they tell you is better. Unfortunately this is not really my problem, but an epidemic of thought in our modern world – which quite possibly is the biggest problem we have today – which is being dissatisfied.
This list could go on forever, as most of us, most of the time, consider most of our life, a problem. The fact is that our life is not a problem, the people in it are not a problem, the things in it are not a problem, the things we do or don’t do are not a problem – even you are not the problem….
I am the problem.
YES! I hear some of you saying – he finally has realised it. And you are right. I have actually realised that I am the problem for even considering that things are problems – and often resisting them, fighting against them and/or, trying to fix them…… that IS the real problem.
Yeah, things don’t always go the way I expect – and that is okay.
Yeah, people don’t always act rationally or well – and that is okay
But, sometimes, most times actually, I don’t have to do anything, I just have to stand there.
I have to just stand there, sometimes physically, most times mentally and emotionally …… and accept it.
It’s funny to watch…. myself. Hearing that little voice saying, oppose it, fight against it, fix it, yell at it, change it, even the arrogance of the voice saying, I can make it better…… and I don’t, I don’t listen to that little voice…… and, nothing actually happens.
The situation (the problem) actually remains the same – but amazingly when unopposed, un-argued, un-fourght, …….. often, it just fades away, or fixes itself. It only actually ever needed me, for one reason, and that was to become a problem.
It was a situation – I just stood there – I accepted the situation – it still is a situation – nothing really changed except me.
Now, I can act, or not.
But, in doing so, it is ME doing it – not my arrogance, my ego, my learned or instinctive reactions and behaviours, my emotions, not my need to win, not my need to be a hero or even a victim….
To you the difference may be imperceptible – but to me, it is everything – and nothing – it just is.
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No.
dash between the date of my birth and the date of my death well.
Yeah I know, have you been to their house, it’s a shit hole. They never clean up, there’s always shit everywhere and they just dump their rubbish out the back.
