Better in the morning

image
This is just a quick post, because it is morning and we are all in a hurry…..

Well usually.

I am still in Bali and I captured my morning in the attached picture….

I was thinking how I usually spend my mornings rushing to go somewhere, usually late, kids and family also rushing, hurried breakfasts, mad drives to work with all the traffic working deliberately just against you (see my post on Bali driving)

So this morning it is a quick post to say, don’t miss the morning, don’t miss that moment when your day is just starting and might just be the best day of your life.

I have missed too many mornings, which led to bad days.

I am not always better in the mornings, but I think I will take a little more time to notice….. Wonder how I will go when I am back home….?

Have a better day, have a better morning.

Better driving or dancing?

Today I hired a car in Bali and drove with my wife from Seminyak to Ubud. I think the greatest protests about us driving were from friends at home who said we were mad.

Well that is true to a certain extent.

The madness is driving back in Australia, where the vehicles are fuelled by testosterone and anger. Where the need of the individual, far out weighs the transport of the many.

Well in Bali (and Thailand where I have driven before) it is not the will of the few that rules the road, it is that there are many and the few are many!

The motorbikes are like insistent flies on a summer BBQ except they move faster. A car is not close unless you can feel the wax on your duco bending with the proximity! Eye contact, hand gestures or indicators for that matter are not necessary as it is not about the driving it is about the dance.

You decided to drive in Asia so you decide that you are going to the dance. Your partners are everybody. The music is the rhythm of many moving to a different destination without haste but without restraint.

I like to drive in Asia because it teaches me that to wait, is to be waited for, to move in a direction is to be allowed, and waited for, to move in that direction, to be angry is to grind in your own tempest that effects nothing…

I suppose the reason that I love to drive in Asian is like a lot of things in Asia, it is not about me. The journey is about traveling, but the traveling is about discovery, the discovery is that you are not the most important person on the most important trip.

Drive in Asia and find that you can become a better driver in a world where it appears that everyone is driving in chaos and mayhem…. Then you discover that the chaos and mayhem really only exist inside your car.

I am a better man, and a better driver for driving in Bali.

I love the dance.

Better in Bali

I am sitting here in a lovely Villa in Bali relaxing and my wife is out shopping. We have had a mellow time of it since arriving.

The tourists (like us!) are everywhere although you never think you look like the rest of them.

The store holders go from happy and welcoming to insistent to dismissive at various stages of negotiation depending on prices and no doubt attitude… on both sides.

All the time we are going about our tourist life, there is another life going on in the background, often glanced at, but quickly dismissed as another shiny object takes our notice.

Yesterday I noticed. And today I saw.

Motorbikes everywhere but often this is the place of business for the small street vendor selling or dangerously transporting their wares to the locals and tourists. Buildings being pulled down or put up by swarms of men and women doing it in small pieces. The streets cleaned by the lone street sweepers and their small broom and bag. Garbage removed and sorted by hand, noticed only by the passing smell of the worker stirring up the garbage while sifting out the 1000 plastic bags that once would have been naturally compostable bags and plates and every container. Locals in small dark shops with unknown wares on display never entered. Trucks filled with tired and solum workers traveling down busy tourist streets at dusk packed in the back of tip trucks and utilities: their gazes go to the restaurants and bars just starting for the evening that they will never enter.

I saw a lot today and it didn’t make me sad, I just noticed it.

I suppose thinking now, so much of the life of the people here is reliant on the tourists coming. And really what can the tourist do. I think we can at least care. I think we can be polite. I think we can be respectful. I think we can behave like any visitor in someone else’s home.

I know that is what I did today.

I know me being a better man is not only about saying it, but it is also in what I do.

I tipped my taxi driver (The fare was $1.90 and I gave a $1.00 for himself)
I gave the old, old lady in the dark store where I bought eggs this morning twice what she wanted (I bought my dozen eggs for $2.00).
I eat their food (not a hamburger and chips, or branded take away – although today I did have a lunch in a small local restaurant that should have had a Hazchem warning!)
I look at them, not through them.
I smile at them.
I say hello, excuse me, no thank you, thank you, in their language.

I appreciate that I am a visitor in their home. And as a guest we know, back home at least, you should respect the host or leave.

Bali is a wonderful place, with a vibe that is not unlike the tentative hug of a friend just met: you have to know when it is okay to squeeze a bit tighter, become more familiar and form a long friendship. But, I think that comes by having many visits in all forms, and not just being the ‘plus one’ at a 10 day party.

Here’s to me having a new friend and being a good guest.

Better being privileged

Tonight I watched a segment on one of the news program’s about a young footballer who was supporting a fan (who was only 17) who was recovering from a stroke.  The footballer said he would kick a footy with the young lad when he could walk.  The segment showed when they were both at the oval and the young stroke suffer kicked a gaol.  The absolute joy on the young fellas face was only matched by the smile on the young footballers face.

I liked what I saw.  The young footballer didn’t have to be involved at all but he chose to.

Then the cynic in me kicked in……

I thought the the footballer was one of the football privileged who SHOULD be putting back into the community. He was one of the people that we look up too, gets the big bucks and leads a life of privilege. I know he has worked hard for it, and has to work hard each week to make the team. I know that he is also expected to be a role model and put himself up each week he walks out onto the field.

I started to think that my cynicism was levelled at the wrong person, the wrong group of people.

What about all the politicians who earn big buck yet only appear to do things for political gain not community well being: what about the multi million dollar earning CEO’s that live a life of luxury: what about all the celebrities that make a movie or two and live a life of excess and privilege?

Suddenly I started to count the imbalance of privelege in our society and what everyone else had and what they did with it incomprison to me.

I thought I was not a person of privelege: then I started to count the things I have and not the things I don’t have. It may be about the things I need and the things I want.

I have clean water to dring, in my house.
I have good food, whenever I want.
I have shelter and clothes.
I live in a great country.
I am free.

I started to think what I had done with my privileges.

If the news program came to my place and said we want to do a story on what you have done with your privelege, what would their story report on.

Probably some weak stuff I half volunteered for in the past and all the entrepreneurial things I am going to do in the future.

I realised that we wait for the celebrities, footballers and CEO’s to show us the way… Because they should, it is their responsibility!

Maybe I should be better with my privelege and stop worrying about everyone else and start worrying about everyone else.

I am sure there is a great deal of privelege in having the choice to be a better man.

Better at Changing Tires

I was driving home the other day and saw a guy on the side of the road changing a flat tire.  I noticed as it appeared that it was an older bloke with the flat, but another car had stopped behind and it looked like he was helping change the tire.

It got me to thinking; (firstly, glad it’s wasn’t me with the flat) is it me, or don’t we get flat tires as much as what we used to.

I can remember as a kid with Mum and Dad, spending half of our family travelling life changing tires on the side of the road, or filling the boiling radiator with water out of a nearby dam, or fixing some other mechanical problem with a bit of fencing wire or a wedge of wood and/or a hammer.

Is it that things don’t break down as much now days?  Or, have we stopped fixing them and just throw them away.  Is it also that we don’t know how to fix them and just get someone else to do it.  And as it turns out when we get someone else to do it (an expert!) half the time they just throw it away and replace it on our behalf?

I love fixing things and working in my shed with the old tools that I have bought from the market or inherited from my Dad.  Often when I am buying or later looking at an old tool, I get to thinking who used it, what it was used for and how many times it fixed or made things.  I used to work on my cars when I was younger too, but when I lift up the bonnet on my modern car I feel like I am looking under the hood of the Space Shuttle; if there is a problem I usually just ring someone to fix it.

I suppose this rambling is all about accepting that in a complicated world, complicated things need experts to fix them (if I was quoting my Dad he would say an expert stands for an ‘ex’ which is a has been and a ‘spert’ which is a drip under pressure!)

But, does it have to be so complicated.  I understand that technology (which I love) and machines (which I love) are getting better and hopefully, most of the time, assisting us in leading a better life.  However, is this complication in ‘things’ something that has to be transcribed into how we live our lives.  Is the ‘can’t fix it throw it away and get a new one’ mentality something that we do in more parts of our lives than just our car and dishwashers.  Is it worth fixing something that isn’t fixed for free under warranty.

I don’t want to throw away my old tools and not only are most of them well made, but they can still do the job and I have that connection to them that sometimes is hard to explain.

Every now and again it is probably not a bad idea to get a flat tire.  Firstly, it might give you some time on the side of the road to just sit and do something with your hands (and remind you of the first time you watched your Dad do it on one of those epic family road trips!); you may meet someone who stops to help, who may change your life (or at the least confirm your faith in human nature); and when you take the tire in to get fixed you may just contemplate that life doesn’t have to be too complicated and that flat tires can be fixed, like lots of things.

Plus, next time you see someone with a flat tire on the side of the road (which as I started off this post, isn’t too often) you might want to stop and say, I reckon I can help you fix that; maybe you’ll change there life.

 

Better People I Didn’t Know

Today we all received the news that the great comedian Robin Williams died.  I have read a lot of posts on Facebook where people have said his death has effected them as he was such a part of their childhood and good memories in their lives.

I have never been one for worshipping celebrities or even a great fan of any particular celebrity.  But, even for me the death of Robin Williams plucked some cords49e1a75965445ee532c2096813f79b4b
in my heart.  I think it hurt a little more as the reports at this time are that he suicided.

I have written before the inevitability of death, but, it just seems that is something that takes us at our time not something that we seek because living is a worse alternative.

Robin Williams was the person that I didn’t know, the celebrity that I didn’t worship, or really think about much other than he made me laugh, cry in some of his movies and I thought appeared to be a pretty good bloke.

Maybe he knew us more than we knew him.  He knew how to make us laugh.  He came into our lives and made us feel.  He was a better person that I didn’t know was such a part of my life until he was gone.  He was the celebrity who I didn’t think of as a real man, with real pain, that he felt so much of in the end.  All the joy he gave us we couldn’t repay because he was the better person we didn’t know.

Better Experience the Presents

I think we all love presents.  Some of us love receiving them more and some of us love giving them more.  The best part is giving or receiving a present that is just right.  That you love it, or the person you are giving it to, loving it as you imagined they would when you got it.

Just as a side note I love presents almost as much as I love the card that goes with it.  I love making cards, I love giving cards and I love getting cards (and letScreen Shot 2014-07-03 at 11.25.00 pmters!).  One of my favourite cards is the one I made for my Mum a few years ago I talked about it in Better Presents.  I just love making home made cards!

But there is one thing about getting presents which over the last couple of years (well decades for me) is that they are mostly just things.  Can you remember what you got for your last Birthday from the one you love, or your kids, or what you gave them.  Well, up until a few years ago I would have probably said no, but over the last couple of years I can tell you in the most minute detail the presents that counted the most.  The reason is that a few years ago a girl I worked with was acting weird.  She had this stash of dry biscuits and home brand tuna in the cupboard which she was having for lunch on the days she actually had any lunch.  She was not coming out for coffee or a drink after work.  Any plans for a farewell or birthday lunch were always undertaken without her, including the donation for the present.  Suddenly one day it all changed and she was back to ‘normal’.

So it did beg the question about what had been going on.  I, of course did ask it and got the reply I didn’t expect, but, it was also the reply that changed my life.

Just digressing, it is important to notice the small moments or individuals that change your  life.  I find it interesting when I look back and often I only realise when I look back, that it was at a particular moment that something did change my life, and often momentously.  It is often that we don’t notice these moments until we take the time to look back and try and figure out how we go to the present.  But, other times your life changes because you make a decision and say, ‘time for a change.’  This story about presents and the girl in my office is about making such a decision.

Anyway…. she told me she could go back to normal spending because she had bought the tickets for her and her husband to travel to the Maldives for his 50th birthday.  She had saved all her lunch money, drinks money and anything else she could scrap together to buy the tickets to surprise him.  She had to do it this way to keep it a surprise so the money would be obviously missing from their bank account.  She also told me that this is what they always did for birthdays.  Maybe not always such a big surprise, but always a something involving an EXPERIENCE.  She said that the gifts they alway gave and received would get lost in time, or broken, or just wore out.  But she said the memories of those ‘special experiences’ were nme 3 - chris 5 in back yard para hills - croppedever broken, never wore out and most of all never got lost in time.  The present of the experience was a gift forever.

I got to thinking about all the presents I had received or given over the years and realised that some, the ones I actually remembered, had an ‘experience’ attached to them.  I remembered the scooters my Dad had bought us when we were young, and I realised I remembered them because they were second had, and he had painted them, and the small amount of money they had cost was a lot of money to them – I can only just picture the scooter, but I can feel the scooter like it was yesterday.  I also remember the red plastic football my brother and I had.  We could never quite work out why it didn’t sound like a ‘real’ football when we kicked it.

The other experiences, some presents, some just holidays, some just time with family and the gifts from my past, I remember like I unwrapped them yesterday.  So, I got to thinking that it is not too late to stop looking for my presents in the shops and start looking for them in the memories I want to make.

Screen Shot 2014-08-01 at 4.11.39 pmSo, of recent years my family will always remember swimming with the dolphins, going to the circus and travelling to Bali.  The presents of our experiences get to be unwrapped again and again every time we think about them.

The presents of the future we don’t have to search the internet or the shops for, we just have to be there.

Give me a real card in my hand with a note you wrote; give me a big table with as much food as laughter; don’t give me selfies give me one big group shot; stay for 5 minutes or 5 hours but be present the whole time you’re there; give me a hug when you arrive and another when you leave and you give the best present of all – yourself, your time and your memories.

Better Happy Posts

I like lots of things about Facebook.  I like the way you can connect with old friends that without Facebook you would never have been able to find.  That you can share your holidays and family photographs with each other.  That you can even have a whinge and on occasions share a pointless post (usually in my case because I have had a few too many wines) or a picture of your dinner!

I like the occasional stalking of a friend, or a friend of a friend – and the obligatory stalking of my children (and their friends who are leading them astray!).Screen Shot 2014-07-31 at 3.22.20 pm

I think Facebook does connect us.

But, I think it also lures us into the perfect world of meaningful social contribution on Facebook that we are unable to translate into the connections we are supposed to be having in the real world.

I think this is most obvious in the heartfelt sayings, insightful interpretations of life, or the sage like advice that are shared, reshared, tweeted and plastered all over our daily Facebook walls.  I find it hard to accept that I need to share a post to show I love my children, country, mother, brother etc etc.  In addition I find it hard to accept that Facebook is like a warm electronic hug from the enlightened social media set, yet my most meaningful interactions I have outside Facebook with people under 20 other than my kids, is when I asked  ‘would you like fries with that!”

Again, I love Facebook as a new way that it lets us find each other, stay in touch and share our lives.  But, I love it as an enhancement to my life not a substitute

2014-07-31 Facebook Mum SayingHow about my ‘happy post’ for today?

It is just that we are a long time dead yet we go about our lives as if we are immortal, or more to the point, those that we are not spending our time with, will have time enough tomorrow for us to catch with at our leisure (when all the other really important stuff in life is done!)

I made a photo book after my Dad died and in the back I put the following caption.

The other day I was trying to explain to the kids what were the important things in life and knowing the ‘value’ of something.  I said I would be happy to have no job, no house, no possessions except the clothes I was wearing and perhaps a tooth brush in my back pocket. I would give it all away, all my ‘things’ to spend 1 minute with my Dad.  I told then if I could do this, I would, with no regrets.  I miss him as much today as I did all those years ago.  I now attempt to honour him by living a life that would make him proud…. and sometimes when I falter, I know he would understand, forgive me and know (which is all he ever expected on any of us) I am doing my best.  I love my Dad and I miss him.

I was chatting today with a friend who’s Mother recently died and we had the conversation that only we could have.  It is the one that tells us that we now know that the finite life is finite and when it ends, it just does.  No profound long goodbyes or settlement of lifes questions.  It is just the end which you measure not mostly on the last day but on all the other days.

I think a ‘happy post’ should be said out loud and it should start something like this:

“Hi, I just thought I’d ring to say hello”

“Hi, just thought I’d drop in for a visit to see how you’re going”

“Sure I’ve got time for a chat, lets get a coffee right now”

One of my ‘better man’ mantra’s is to write about my life.  Perhaps in addition to that I should be writing a few more letters, a few more cards and to steal a famous quote from the movie Avatar, say to my friend and family “I see you” and for it to be literally.

 

 

 

 

Better News Isn’t Always Good News

I wrote a post on Facebook the other day which read:

“A little bit of good news can make a big difference in your day”

And, that little bit of good news did make my day a whole lot better.  But, this is my life, remember.  It all collapsed when the little bit of good news turned into a whole lot of unknown bad news.

Don’t you hate that!

So, is it still a good day – yeah, I reckon so.  Why?  Because I’m still here.

I really have this problem in that my bits of bad news are really not that bad, yet they smash me in the head like catastrophes.

Most times nobody dies and most times they are my ‘first world’ type problems.  It’s that perspective thing again – I saw it when I wrote ‘Better Dead‘ and I am trying to live it a bit more; but life does get in the way.

So, my good news, turned bad news, is now just news.  I am still here and my day, week, month, year goes on.  I am sure that most of the rest of the world didn’t really notice me having a shit day.  I know there are lots of other people, some my friends, some just because they are Palestinians, who are having worse days than me – and they have no end in sight, perhaps ever.

Well, I’m still here.

 

 

 

Better thank Mrs Nesmith

Bette Nesmith was Michael Nesmith’s mum. Michael Nesmith was ‘Mike’ in the 1960’s TV Show and the band The Monkies.2473674_orig

Mrs Nesmith invented ‘Liquid Paper’ or Tipex, or White Out or whatever you want to call typing correction fluid…. If you don’t know what typing is I’m in big trouble!

So why do I want to thank Mrs Nesmith.  It is a bit to do with the same reason we have rubbers on the ends of pencils….. We all make mistakes.

Neither the rubber nor Liquid Paper are time machines, they just let us rub out, or paint over our mistakes. Sometimes, though, mistakes are a bit more permanent. However considering that the Liquid Paper company sold for over $45 million and we still have rubbers (erasers!) on the ends of pencils, it appears that we all make enough little mistakes that warrant providing us with an ability to fix them and move on. As a matter of fact, it would appear that mistakes are pretty much at epidemic terms as now we have the ‘back space’ and ‘delete’ keys which are probably hit just as many times as the letters on a keyboard.

So we all make mistakes. I think I have established that.

So, what is my point?

I think it is that we accept that mistakes happen and that it is okay to fix them. I also think it is more important that we are a little more forgiving about those mistakes; both to others and especially to ourselves.

It may be said a thousand times that it is okay to make mistakes, or that we learn from our mistakes, but, when they happen do we actually think that way. Do we blame ourselves too much for stumbling a bit as we go through our day, our job, or our entire life. Does society really say it is okay to make mistakes, do we? As important is not perhaps the mistake, but how we react to it.

Okay, me of all people do not suffer fools lightly, but do I really think people start their day with the express purpose of going around fucking up, just to annoy me. Although some days it seems like it, I am sure this is not true.

Having the rubber on the end of my pencil, looking at the bottle of white-out or pressing that delete/back space key needs to be a different experience. It needs to be about how I accept that the world is pretty imperfect and mistakes do happen, most can be fixed or forgiven. If I manage to remind myself of it every now and again, I am sure it will help to make me a better man.

Thank you Mrs Nesmith.