Better Defriended

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I was having an on line discussion with someone over several days about same sex marriage….. (I’m voting yes – they have an ‘It’s okay to vote no’ banner on their profile picture) on the only true social commentary site of any validity…. Facebook!?
 
I made several comments. always respectful, always based on facts and often said I was interested and wanted to hear their arguments. I did not once swear, use offensive or abusive language.  Dare I say I was actually interested in what they had to say about why they were voting no as in one comment the said it wasn’t based on any religious grounds – I was a bit keen on hearing their argument.
Of course on Facebook where this was all taking place it is often hard to not have a few peripheral friends wade in to ‘assist’.  This was unfortunate when I received the following comment from a friend of the Facebook friend I was taking to…
“Harry Connor Jr. Firstly, look up Agenda 21, a globalist agenda being forced upon all nations under the Globalist Banking Cartel under the Illuminati. Only three more nations left to control, Iran, North Korea, and Cuba. Then research gender laws in progressive states worldwide. Go deep in your research. Start reading alternative news sources rather than the Globalist controlled MSM, aka “Fake News”, which is strong on Psy Ops and Agi Pro. I won’t explain all of these things as it is best if you do your own research. Also be aware that the big tech companies now control 99% of the data, and are censoring search in support of this Agenda 21. The Illuminatti is Luciferian to it’s core! Do all of this, if you dare!  p.s. They are watching this thread (FB is a CIA front and a Globalist shill, (keywords and keyphrases), I can guarantee it!
 
I replied to the above input from Harry nicely “Okay, thanks Harry, I think you have answered all my questions” – and honestly I believe he did, mostly about Harry….
A strange interlude occurred during the above on line debate in that I met the person with the ‘vote no banner’ in real life shortly after – they had actually ‘complained’ that if I ever spoke to them in real life I may get to know them better.  A fair comment I thought.  I resolved to do that the next time I saw them in the vain of extending our Facebook friendship to the three dimensional world – maybe I would learn something.
So on the above occasion, when we did meet (in real life) I did…. I breached all electronic interconnectivity rules and said “Hello, how are you today”.   I received a curt reply “Is that sarcasm”…. I said “Um, no, it was just hello?”  They stopped talking to me and I did the same – I was starting to think I was in some sort of a no win trap here set by an social media evil genius.  I was feeling outgunned so did something unusual and kept quiet….
I didn’t post any more on line and was just happy to let it all go for peace sake.
I logged on this morning and was devastated – I had been ‘defriended’ (not by Harry above) but by my Facebook friend.  It did appear that I had overstepped the mark in real life by saying hello and as such had received the ultimate social slap in the face by being ‘DEFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK’ !!!!!!
Oh, the social shame and horror.  There is a silver lining in that I suspect this action may be seen by those who do it as a result of failing to justify their arguments, opinions and ideas as a justification for those same arguments, opinions and ideas – irony and hypocrisy in one neat little package – but, who am I to judge.  It is a sad social media truism that in this particular debate on same sex marriage it again has come down to using the ultimate social media ‘debate winning’ tools of:
 
  • Judging and vilifying people who you don’t agree with….
  • Using what is supposed to be one of the ‘most offensive words’ for a female, by a female…. (albeit by using a clever and dare I say mildly amusing meme…)Screen Shot 2017-09-04 at 8.39.47 AM
  • Defriending on Facebook….
  • But my favourite part of this entire process is the many likes, thumbs ups and supporting comments for the abuse and offensive language by those who up until that point had no input in the debate (other than Harry who did not stoop to abuse in the debate but at least presented his argument, albeit not something I would have correlated with this particular subject – I am going to contact him later, perhaps, about the ‘flat earth’ theory and those pesky fake Apollo moon missions….).
Social media is such a great place to share an opinion or a belief (or hopefully sometimes an idea)…. but, it must always be remembered that when you do this, what people may never have known about you, or perhaps may have only suspected, becomes obviously apparent by your post – and a lot of the time this may not be a good thing…..
‘Defriending’ people on social media is such an easy thing, just a click of the mouse.  Being ‘defriended’ can sometimes sting a little bit, but then again, it is perhaps more of a reflection of that person, who most probably was never a real life ‘friend’ in the first place.
In the past I have ‘defriended’ people.  In the two major occasions I have done this it has been in real life (I just had a thought in that I have never defriended anyone on Facebook – yeah I hide their news fed so I don’t have to listen to diatribe or self indulgence that brings a little bit of sick into my mouth – but I have never defriended anyone.  I suspect because in doing so you perhaps give the situation more attention that what it’s worth, even though it is just one small mouse click away.)
I have had to tell someone they were not only not adding any value or joy to my life but I was troubled in that I believed they were making my life much worse and on one occasion even dangerous.  I did it nicely and wished them well.  I even say hello whenever the planets align and we are in the same space together – even have a chat and hope they are doing well.
Defriending and friending are perhaps a greater indication of us than them.  Perhaps in the future I will spend a little more time cultivating my friendships – where ever they may be situated – instead of filling my time with the non-friends I do not yet have.

Better Father’s Day

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Let’s firstly start off believing that Father’s Day is not a complete commercial fabrication bye170826a7abede21d22cdd4c6934c9a1 the Media (there Merchants of Misery) and that it is a true and genuine recognition of all the wonderful Fathers out there….  okay, now with that done, what really is Father’s Day about.

Is it really just a day where Dad gets breakfast in bed and a new pair of socks – or better still a handmade pottery mug (it used to be an ashtray!) and a handmade card from the kids.  Probably.

But, what about this Father’s Day, being a day for Dad to do something different.

Hey Dad, take this time to say one thing “I am a Dad, wow, how lucky am I.”

As a Dad, through some miracle of nature I got to be immortal – my DNA will go on forever  and there will be people who will remember me for at least a generation or two.  How lucky I am to have the privilege of being a Dad.

On Father’s Day everyone does a lot of thanking Dad, but on this Father’s day I just want to say thanks to my kids.  I want to say thank you for the privilege of being a Dad.

Some days (not only on Father’s Day) I wake up and think to myself I still can’t believe I’m a Dad – and all my kids are in their 20’s.  I sometimes, for no reason, get that little pang in my chest when I think of them for no reason (they are usually 100’s of km’s away at the time) – it is a flash thought about something they said or did, maybe years ago, or maybe last week, but it flashes into your mind and heart in an instant, and there is not feeling like it.  And, we let it pass and get on with our day.

When that feeling comes again, stop!  It doesn’t matter what you re doing, take that moment to have that real experience of being a Dad – that place in your heart that is filled with nothing else except the love for your children.  It’s a magic moment that we take for granted, but comes from nothing else other than being a Dad.

For me Father’s Day is really all about being a Dad.  Not by receiving thanks and presents from my kids, but my being the most grateful man in the world that I have the privilege of gratitudebeing a Dad…. I really still can’t believe it?

My kids are now out in the world making their way.  And I am glad of it for them.  It is their time now and they are out doing what every generation have done before them – the only difference is that it is my kids now.

I don’t mind when they don’t ring, I don’t mind when they still think home is a hotel and food is free and anything in the fridge is fair game.  I don’t mind when they forget appointments, anniversaries, birthdays or can’t make it to family dinner – I genuinely don’t mind one little bit….  I miss them, but I don’t mind.

Sometimes when I just sit and listen to their stories about their lives and I offer no sage Fatherly advice, I just listen – that is the moment that matters.

Sometimes when I am cleaning out old draws and I find an old picture they drew in primary school (I think it is a cat, or maybe a cow – it could be a house) – that is the moment that matters.

Sometimes when I look at old pictures, when they were small and hugging me like I was the only person in the world – that is the moment that matters.

An all these moments fade into the distance because when they do remember, when they somehow get lost and stumble back home, when they ring because they need you or just want to tell you a story…. in the instance that the phone rings or I hear the knock on the door and it is them – that is the moment I cherish the most, that is the moment that matters.

Fathers Day to me is a day for me.  It is a day were I take all of those moments, good and bad, and realise I am lucky, my kids are a miracle, and being a Dad is the best present my children have ever given me – and I wrapped it myself.

Happy Father’s Day.

 

 

Better Positive Language

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I'm positive about this....

This post is a disaster – I’m positive!  To save time go straight to the end.

I wrote an article a couple of years ago about the use of the term “Yes No” – okay it doesn’t sound like a term of speech but everybody was using it – have a read, click here.

I thought this phenomenon was over, well it is, I think, sort of, um, yes and no, yes no, well, pretty much…. Oh, God I have become one of ‘them.’

I would just occasionally like someone to use ‘positive language’ in answering my questions.

What do I mean by ‘positive language?’

I think the best way to explain it is to look at what it isn’t.  Here are a few examples of the opposite to positive language answers:

Me to the mechanic “When will my car be ready”
The mechanic “It should be ready Friday”

Me at the bank “Are there any charges for this transaction.”
The bank teller “No, there shouldn’t be.”

Me in the supermarket “Can you tell me were the tomato sauce is please?”
Supermarket staff “I think it is in isle 5.”

Me to a mate at the pub “Is this illegal”
My (Ex) Mate “No, I don’t think so.”

Other great ‘key words’ are ‘probably‘ ‘maybe‘ ‘sometimes‘ ‘usually‘ etc etc

I am confused.  Surely you know something or you don’t.  Things either are or are not.  Why do we give these answers and more importantly why do we accept them?

Is it because we are afraid to say “I don’t know” because that may actually entail us having to find out – or is it because we don’t care, on either side of the question?

I am sure some of these questions are more important that others…. e.g. “Are there I'm positive - okay, I don't know?peanuts in this?” or “Is this a live wire?” or “Are you allergic to this medication?”

However, surely if we get ourselves into a situation of asking questions and accepting answers in the realm of guessing the trivial can suddenly become important.  Or, again do we care.

What is usually the purpose of asking a question?  Is it to gain information or to abrogate responsibility?

I am beginning to think that as we walk around this earth, mostly quite oblivious to our purpose here, our ultimate destination unknown and our lives dictated by the media (the merchants of misery) we are getting to a point where the questions don’t really matter and the answers are even more irrelevant because in the end it will always be someone else fault anyway.

I also think that asking many of these questions and getting any definitive answer is a moot point, as we have already made our assumptions, formed our opinions and have our own beliefs that so influence the current situations that further information is only asked for and answers given to annoy us.

Let’s revisit the above questions with our assumed, believed and set opinions in the open:

Me to the mechanic “When will my car be ready?” (Thought: Why am I asking it will be a guess anyway and they are always late….)
The mechanic “It should be ready Friday.” (Thought: Fuck knows)

Me at the bank “Are there any charges for this transaction?” (Thought: The bank will rip me off anyway so why am I asking – how will I pay that electricity bill?)
The bank teller “No, there shouldn’t be.” (Thought: How would I know – you’re in a bank there are charges for breathing!)

Me in the supermarket “Can you tell me were the tomato sauce is please?” (Thought: I have a rough idea, I’m just too lazy to look…)
Supermarket staff “I think it is in isle 5.” (Thought: Fuck knows, I’m 15 and only been working here for a week…)

Me to a mate at the pub “Is this illegal” (Thought: I’m doing it anyway, I just need an excuse..)
My (Ex) Mate “No, I don’t think so.” (Thought: Of course it is you idiot… this is going to be great!)

Okay, probably not true in every case, but maybe a few.

It’s just that I think we ask questions about a lot of things, no caring about the answer but seeking reassurance that what I suspect is something I don’t have to worry about and if I ask the question I can blame someone else.

In addition when the shit does hits the fan I can say I asked and they said ‘Yes’ and they can deny it.

So, where does the responsibility actually lie – in the question or in the answer.  I think both.  Plus it doesn’t hurt to ask and it doesn’t hurt to say “sorry I don’t know.”

And, then there are just sometimes when we ask questions because the other person doesn’t know and we do….

Reader of this blog    “What is this article trying to say?”
Me   “I’m not really sure?”
Reader of this blog    “But, surely you wrote it to get some point across?”
Me    “Initially I did, then I got a bit lost as to what that point was.  I think I
just wanted to have a whinge and for someone to listen?”
Reader of this blog   “So what should I do now?”
Me   “Probably get on with your life.”
Reader of this blog   “I think I will.”
Me   “I should too.”

We then watched Netflix for 4 hours and laughed at Youtube clips until we were board.I'm positive - okay, I was positively wrong!

I had to leave and pick up the car – it was due last Thursday…..

PS:  I have just re-read this blog, I didn’t get it.  I read it to my wife and she said it was a complex concept and confusingly written  – she is a good judge.  I laughed at having wasted 30 minutes writing it and as such – just HAD to publish it immediately!  My explanation of positive language I am sure has been a failure – I think!  I am sure most haven’t read this far anyway!

 

 

 

Better the Glass Ceiling (or Floor?)

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I was chatting to a friend the other day who works in a professional capacity and she said that she probably wasn’t going to get any further promotions as she had ‘hit the glass glass ceiling…’Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.19.20

Of course, as a man, I responded that as a woman she could have at least brought the Windex and given it a bit of a clean…. (I suppose that comment is one way to
get more hits on this post… and probably a couple in the face!)
So, what is this glass ceiling.  Mr Google had a good definition:

“an unacknowledged barrier to advancement in a profession, especially affecting women and members of minorities”

Yeah, sounds right to me.  So what are some strategies for breaking through this glass ceiling?  Thanks again Mr Google:

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

Original article compliments Mindtools – click here to read full article

Identify the Key Competencies within Your Organisation

  • What are the values of your organization?
  • What behaviors does your company value and reward?
  • What type of person is promoted?

Set Objectives to Align Your Competencies With Top Management

  • Let your boss know that you want to work toward a higher-level position.
  • Ask your boss what skill areas you need to develop.
  • Work together with your boss to set goals and objectives, then monitor and measure your performance.

Build Your Network

  • Reach out to new people on a regular basis.
  • Get involved with cross-functional teams.
  • Expand your professional network outside of your organization. If you can’t break the glass ceiling in your company, you may have to look elsewhere for opportunities.

Find a Mentor

  • Is there someone in upper management you can approach to help you?
  • Will your boss be able to provide mentoring support?
  • Are there people with strong political power who can offer you assistance?

Build Your Reputation

  • Seek high-profile projects.
  • Speak up and contribute in meetings.
  • Share ideas with peers as well as people in higher positions.
  • Identify places where your reputation is not what you want it to be, and develop plans to change them.

Know Your Rights

Finally, watch for discriminatory behavior. Sometimes biases and stereotyping can cross the line into discrimination.

So there you are – SMASH, CRASH and you’re through the glass ceiling!Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.29.09

You have become ‘one of them’….. Yahoo, you are a success!

Why is that such a good thing?  Is it the money?  Is it the power?  Is it just the principle?

Or, are you really one of them?  What does that actually mean?  Is it a good thing?

Why should you have to break through the glass ceiling?  What are the people above the glass ceiling thinking?  What have they got that you haven’t?

Or is the more important question ‘What are they missing that I have but they don’t recognise or appear to want?” – What we really say is “What is wrong with me.”

It has taken me half this post to get to the point.  What is it?  Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you!

This ‘glass barrier’ is being looked at all wrong.  We below want to be those above but in doing so we give up something.  What is it?  We give up all the things that those above have given up to be there.  We give up the knowledge that the barrier exists.

Yes.  Ask anyone above the barrier of its existence.  They say it’s a myth.  Ask the CEO if his organisation has a class, gender, race etc etc barrier and he (or even she) will (unless somehow enlightened!) will say no.  The strength of the glass ceiling is in the denial of its existence by all those above it.

The trick of the ‘glass ceiling’ is that it has taken a long time to create – not years, not decades, but centuries.  It has become for those above it, so normal, that it is unnoticed and beyond their ability to comprehend.

Our roles were assigned long ago.  The interesting and probably most perverse attribute of the ‘glass ceiling’ is that it is no longer just based on gender, race or a myriad of other physical, personal, social, religious, economic or race identifiers, but, on a mindset of entitlement.Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.23.07

Those above have it.  It is not an understanding it is just something that you have.  Those below don’t have it.  They cant understand what it even is that they don’t have.  But, when they break through the ‘glass ceiling’ they suddenly have it, that mindset.  They just get it, they don’t understand it and realise that they don’t have to understand it – as a matter of fact most don’t even realise they don’t realise.

So getting above the glass ceiling is not done by smashing through it from below – because that is not what happens.  You pass through the glass ceiling in a process of osmosis and suddenly you are above it and you are one of them – instantly – and standing on the still intact transparent floor below your feet.

The glass ceiling can not be broken from below.  It must be stamped on by those above who realise that their entitlement is as transparent as the floor.  It is the realisation that those below have talents, attributes, skills, knowledge, ideas, passions etc etc that can make a difference, a positive difference and create mutually beneficial situations for everybody…… it is something that we are all entitled to have, share and benefit from.

But, those above the glass ceiling must give up their entitlement.  Not share it, as that just creates more entitled.  The glass ceiling is not smashed but slid aside by those above and they reach down and lift those from below.

They greet them, welcome them.

They ask them what is their passion and what they want to do to make things better.  They mentor them, guide them, train them, support them, protect them, back them, be honest with them….Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.28.00

And the glass ceiling which is actually made of entitlement and not prejudice is not broken but dissolved.

I wonder what that Board Meeting would look like?

 

 

 

Better Ideas in THE TANK

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My wife and I are both very communicative – in other words we talk a lot – we; mainly me. She reckons most of the time she talks I’m not listening anyway.

I loved a little anecdote I read about that on Facebook the other day which said “The best person to tell all your secrets to is your Husband – he won’t tell anyone because he wasn’t listening in the first place” – oh, how terribly so true!

But on the rare occasion we are listening and it ends in an argument is because:

  1. We weren’t actually listening and misunderstood.
  2. Our wife was breaking the cardinal rule – “You can tell me what to do, or how to do it, but not both.”
  3. We actually don’t listen, don’t want to listen – we just want to give advice and fix the problem.34ef47b7011b1b758e89e1aa164b1220--social-networks-social-media-marketing
  4. It’s about the kids and we are on the wrong side (e.g. whoever’s side we are on – with the kids or against them, it is the wrong side!)
  5. It is about in-laws (see above point 4)
  6. One of their girlfriends (see above point 4 and 5)
  7. We are sharing ideas that have two different aspects:
    1. It is my idea and it is the best idea in the world
    2. It is your idea which is dumb and cost too much

It is the last point which I think is the most important. We all have about a million ideas a day – most we don’t share as the wife is sick of the next ‘sure thing get rich quick scheme’ – so you keep most of them to yourself – we do actually do a Google search and realise most of our brilliant ideas were discovered decades ago – but we live and dream in hope.

But…. maybe one of these ideas which can be about anything could be THE ONE. How do we get to talk about it and not end up in a “You shut up, No you shut up” never-ending time loop.

The answer is having THE TANK.

My wife and I love to drive and chat – the old adage, it is not the destination but the journey is true for us and we spend kilometre after kilometre discussing our lives, our families, our work and the danger subject of our ideas (which includes comments on existing situations, people, problems or plans). The kilometres would disappear as we chatted about everything – OR – each centimetre would seem like a kilometre for endless hours after the ‘ideas discussion’ degenerated into the argument about ….. well, most times, when you look back you can’t figure out what the argument was about.

So we invented THE TANK.tankhedt

Any idea, any comment, any criticism, and accolade can go in THE TANK.

It is a place where you put them all to ferment, to rest, to age, to mingle with other ideas and you see what happens. Okay, this doesn’t sound like the epiphany moment where all things are solved but it is the place where they can be.

My wife and I will often start a conversation with “Tank, Tank what about we……”

Initially it was a lot of training through the formalities before we have gotten to the “Tank, Tank” introduction which initially started out (tentatively) through various conversations such as:

“I am going to go out and start looking a new cars this afternoon…. just putting that in The Tank?”

 

“I’m think so-and-so is a bloody idiot the way they spoke to me and are wrong…. Just in The Tank – what do you thing…. in The Tank.”

 

“Hey, in The Tank, I was thinking…..”

In addition it was underpinned by a few rules (which we started with and they splashed into The Tank):

  1. Thou shall not judge – judging is the hand break to ideas
  2. Thou shall not comment on someone else’s idea until they ask you to – negative comments stifle ideas
  3. Thou shall not edit – be allowed to get it all out, tidy up later
  4. Thou shall not execute – no detail, go big and broad first; the doing is later
  5. Thou shall not worry – it hasn’t happened yet – its an idea
  6. Thou shall not look backwards – learn from the past but don’t relive it
  7. Thou shall not lose focus – stay focused on the problem (or if you are splashing out – splash out big!)
  8. Thou shall not sap energy – don’t be the Six-Percenter
  9. Write it down – a quick note saves the moment

It is amazing how conversations which were started with the wrong phrase, sentence, word, look which you can feel are increasing your blood pressure by the millisecond are flicked off in both the head and heart when it is concluded with “….. I just thought I’d put that in The Tank”

Okay, it sounds silly and we have all attempted the ‘password’ or ‘key phrase’ to avert relationship disaster which, in the moment when it was most needed and uttered, has actually been the trigger to degenerate the situation beyond what the password/key phrase was supposed to prevent!

However, The Tank is about ideas, solutions, wild suggestions, imagination, fantasy and WildIdeas_Mainimgthat itch that won’t go away, which a lot of the time you wouldn’t say allowed because of its absurdity – but, in The Tank they get time to rest, to grow, to mix with other ideas… of course a lot of things just drown in The Tank – but, sometimes, actually more often than you would image, that piece of gold, that synergy of ideas and thought, that win-win solution, gently (or sometimes popping like a submarine rescue buoy) rise to the surface.

I suppose it is the ‘business brainstorming model for couples’ where the end result is not free cakes, coffee and a 45 minute session of the Boss telling you what is going to happen, but about making your individual life, your relationship, not only more peaceful, but more productive and occasionally mind bogglingly creative.

Sometimes being a better man is in accepting that the questions you are asking yourself all the time, privately, in your head may find a place to live in The Tank – you just have to be prepared to dive in.

 

Better at Chick Flicks

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I am a bit of a movie buff and have a rather man tendency to watch war movies, science fiction and anything that doesn’t involve a teenage love story, or for that matter any sort of love story – period movies set in old manors are also right out – animated moviesScreen Shot 2017-07-18 at 9.00.26 AM are banned (I confess never having watched Frozen!).

My wonderful wife also loves movies, but, these mainly consist of the ‘chick flick’ genre – please kill me!

Just recently we have got Netflix.

In the furtherance of a happy marriage we have agreed that on some occasions we will have ‘the wife’s choice’ as the evening – or as we are retired, sometimes the afternoon movie.

On wife’s choice day I usually sit down with an internal moan (often not so internal) and fortify myself with some sort of alcoholic beverage to dull the pain of the impending love triangle, family tragedy or young love coming to maturity….

I might have got a few recent surprises….

NOTE:  I am NOT now nor will I ever be a chick flick devotee but sometimes…. just sometimes….

The other day we watched a movie called ‘Radio’ – yeah, I know, never heard of it.  To cut a nice story short it is almost not a chick flick as it is about sport and the adoption of a young local man by the team – bloody hell, I got a bit teary in the first 10 minutes and knew this was going to be a test of sarcasm – e.g. ‘that’s not very realistic’ ‘ people don’t really behave like that’ etc etc

However, those blurts of disgust never came as this story, this chick flick was actually a true story and constantly demonstrated being nice always beats not being nice – yeah it was a totally unrealistic chick flick with a happy ending – BUT, it was a true story and at the end (just to tear the final remnants of your heart our through your chest) they introduce you to the real people the movie was about….

Screen Shot 2017-07-18 at 9.01.04 AMWill I sit down and watch a chick flick versus something involving automatic weapons or laser canons…. unlikely.  But, just sometimes I may think that a movie about the human spirit can be watched without drinking spirits, change me just a little, for the better, and perhaps make me realise that there are a lot of better men, good men, out there that makes my continued quest to be a better man worth every teary tissue moment sitting next to my wonderful wife.

PS:  Okay I followed up ‘Radio’ with ‘Lion’ – but that’s another story about the terrible waste of using an entire box of tissues in an hour!

Better at Birthdays (20454 days)

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Today is a funny day!

It is my Birthday which is 56 years ago, or more importantly 20,454 days.

Year One

                          Year One

Those are individual days where I got up (albeit the first few where I was as a helpless baby – because I was!), did stuff and then went to bed again….  that is a lot of 24 hour periods to do stuff.

The funny part is, that everyone of those days is now gone, forever.  They are in the past.  They can not be changed.

I have an App on my phone which counts days;  you can set various ‘count downs’ or ‘count froms’ to figure out the exact number of days to any point in time.  I was sitting there some time ago when I thought “I wonder how long I have left.”  I guesstimated that if I live to 85, I would be pretty happy with that.

So…..

10,765 days left

I have about a third of the days left that I have already lived.  A few years ago when I retired I did some similar maths. I worked out I spent about 14,006 days working (not counting days off and sickies!).

I have decided that Birthdays are great reminders, not of how many days we have spent on this earth, but working out how many days we may have left.  Also, the most important question, how we are going to spend them.  Who knows, I may have only 1 day left.  But, if I do, how will I spend it?

I have decided that I will not spend that ONE DAY worrying about the previous 20,454 – I can’t change them.  However, I can change the one I am living now; or if I am lucky the one I will live tomorrow.

Lots of people sent me Birthday wishes, for which I was really grateful.  It reminded me of all the good people I have known, all the good times I have had, but, most of all it reminded me that they are still here, that we all have at least the rest of today, and if we are lucky tomorrow to enjoy.

Don’t all of us lament the fact that we have wasted a few days, perhaps a few years – but, why should that dictate tomorrow.  The old adage that the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour….  that’s just bullshit.  I refuse to have my life dictated by a past that can’t be changed. I will not allow it to dictate my future.  This is not just bullshit, that is complete bullshit!

Now!

I will spend the next 10,765 days doing the things that matter the most in my life.  Hopefully I will have a few more days than that.  It has nothing to do with money or possessions (remember, you never see a trailer on a hearse).  It has to do with knowing that this day, can actually be the best day of my life.

Life is really pretty simple.

Something to love, something worthwhile to do, something to look forward to…..

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Today to me, Happy Tomorrow to me!

Better at Dealing with Bullies (nail me to a Cross)

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I haven’t got a real way in dealing better with bullies, but felt the need to write about them.

I suppose using the same methodology as ‘Dealing with Dickheads’ may work (click here to read my post Dealing with DickhScreen Shot 2017-04-17 at 8.59.38 AMeads) but bullies are a fairly different category – or are they.

The reason I was thinking about bullies, is that it is Easter Sunday and this is supposed to be a significant moment in the religious calendar – but why?  Is it significant because a man allegedly came back from the dead – or is it a better moment because bullies nailed him to a cross.  Or, is it a more significant moment because throughout history religions have been the biggest bullies.

What do bullies do – they pick on the weak.

What do religions do – they pick the weak and make them slaves….

I’m having problems deciding which is worse.  Is it better to get a quick punch in the face from a bully and hopefully move on – or get sent on a life long guilt trip and never move on.

I have been spending a few Sunday mornings with the Jehovahs Witnesses – they are very nice people.  I am fascinated by their contetion that the Bible is the ‘word’ of God and not the word of man.  I have read their stuff which apparently contains evidence.  Now being an old Detective, it would appear that their understanding of evidence differs from mine.  The evidence I see regarding the Bible is, that it is the worlds most popular book (I haven’t checked if the Harry Potter series knocked it off top spot – if it did, this would be a sadder indictment on humanity than slavery to the Bible) and it falls into a category of books that has changed humanity – for the better, sometimes I think not.

Is the Bible actually the greatest selling bully manual.  Thou shalt not, just about everything, and if thou doth do, thy arse will burn forever.  Not real up lifting stuff.  It has a few good bits and some reasonable instruction on how to get on with thy brother and thy sister (so long as thy brother doth not want to marry another brother) and about being kind to the little children.  But, aren’t these instructions the natural order of things, in that fundamentally, we want to look after each other.   Me, actually thinks not.

I recently read a book (not the Bible) called:

The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes – and Why

I read this book as I was having a discussion with a mate about the apocalypse…. as per usual.  I said I didn’t believe all these apocalypse movies where the warlords would take over the world and it would be everyman, woman and child for themselves.  So, they said read this book – and I did.

It works out that in a survival situation, if it is ‘everyman for themselves’ the majority of survivors, 90 to 100%, will die.  Yet, in a survival situation where everybody works together, they look after the weak and vulnerable and share resources, between 90 and 100% will survive (for a great example of this read about Shackleton and his arctic expedition).

However, in over 90% of survival situations, it is everyman for themselves – it is almost certain that most will die – yet this is what we choose.

Perhaps human nature is not inherently good…..?

I have been a bully most of my life – mainly because my enemies have been so insipid.  Were are the ‘men’ of today, where are the true Statesmen (read my take on this – click here) where are the ‘saviours’ that get us all to work together so that most of us survive – I think the majority of them get nailed to crosses…

We cut down tall poppies, the virtuous, the good and the generous because we can, because to stand with them is hard, but to run off and look after ourselves is easy – even though by doing so we are almost ensuring our own death.

But of course I’m not one of those people, you are not one of those people….. it is them, or they, or anybody but us.  After all we always give to charity, always let that driver cut in front of us in traffic, let that person in front of us in line, volunteer our time to those that need it, support local causes, world causes, feed the hungry and shelter the homeless – of course we do all of these things.  Bullshit.  It is me for me and don’t get in my way, I’ll get angry, I’ll actually get cross and then nail you to it.

All sounds a bit bleak doesn’t it…. yet, we celebrate the story of a guy getting nailed to a cross and then coming back to life.  We eat some chocolate eggs to celebrate this, we have a few days off work, eat fish on the Friday and chocolate on the Sunday and all drive back home in maddening traffic on the Monday where we don’t let people in and think everybody on the road is an idiot except me.

On Tuesday we don’t think of the guy on the cross anymore, we feel the weight of the chocolate we ate more than the pain of a few nails through the hands.  We listen to the media (the Merchants of Misery) and they tell us the world is the same as before.

The bullies drop bombs on civilians, push over small children in playgrounds and film the entire thing for loading up to Youtube.

So after all that, I haven’t found a way to deal with bullies.  I haven’t found a way to deal with the church or religion.  I haven’t found a way to convince and atheist there is a God or  the believers to relinquish their faith.

Maybe being a better man sometimes is not about finding ways to fix things, but just accepting them.  Maybe the best way to deal with bullies is to ensure that you are not one.

 

Better at Laying the Blame on They

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I just want to know who ‘they‘ are.

They are responsible for me being unhappy and I want it to stop.

Screen Shot 2017-04-02 at 14.05.07I have been thinking about the infamous they (no not the musical Band – great name for a ban by the way!) all week.

I went to a meeting and things were pretty bad in this particular organisation.  I found not only were they responsible, but they were the ones that said they would do it in the first place – now, we, have to put up with the fallout because they didnt do it.

We had to do something.  We called another meeting and told everyone to come along – preferably up in arms!  Remember, meetings are always a great alternative to actually coming up with a solution.  (click here for a guide to meetings).  And it is important that you come to important meetings ‘up in arms’ because then the solution is irrelevant as you got to be applaud , shocked and hopefully offended.

Yes, WE called a meeting, WE decided to take charge of our own destiny!

Screen Shot 2017-04-02 at 14.06.38They were not going to get away with this!!

They didn’t show up – only we showed up and had to try and figure out what they had done.  Every single person in the organisation was there, yet, they weren’t.  We tried to figure out what had gone wrong, where the money had gone, why there was no leadership, why there were no records…. but, they weren’t there:  we were all there, but we didnt have the answers – only they could answer these burning questions at to what went wrong.

It wasn’t MY fault, it wasn’t OUR fault, WE all did the right thing – they are to blame!

So WE decided to do the right thing and forget about the past and look to the future.  We were going to fix this.  We were going to do the right thing.  We even voted for it and it was unanimous!!!

So we all left the meeting, happy… knowing someone was going to fix it.

Better a Couple of Blokes Pashing…

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I really don’t like getting into debates that I don’t think about much.
Screen Shot 2017-03-19 at 9.28.26 AM Don’t get me wrong, I am continuously up for an argument, but most of the time it is for my own enjoyment.

But, this morning I read OUR, yes our, immigration minister Peter Dutton  warned CEO’s to “stick to their knitting”, and said the Turnbull government “would not be bullied” into changing its stance on gay marriage.

Now normally if people ask me what I think of gay marriage, I say, I don’t.

What the fuck has it got to do with me.  Everyone I meet I immediately bring sexuality into the conversation so that I can disclose that I am heterosexual, plus, I find the debate… well…. distasteful.

Not because I think a couple of blokes pashing at the alter is distasteful, but, because if society is more worried about two of its’ members loving each other and wanting to spend their lives together than:

  • Our soldiers dying fighting wars over…. fuck knows what they are over.
  • Aboriginal communities living worse than 3rd world countries.
  • Hunger and kids dying in 3rd world countries.
  • Politicians salaries and honesty.
  • The debate on climate change.
  • The road toll.
  • Domestic violence.
  • etc etc etc etc

… if they are more worried about gay marriage than the list above (which is twice as long as this, no, make that 10 times longer than this) then we are all doomed.

I just don’t get it!  We are allowing, even legislating in favour of things that hurt our society – often hurt our souls unretrievable; yet, we won’t let a couple of people do something that I can’t see hurting anyone.

I’m not going to discuss divorce here – because most times everyone gets hurt some way or another in divorce – but, in a divorce (other than the disgrace of domestic violence) it is usually a civil (both figuratively and legally!) situation with the biggest argument is who gets the house and who gets to turn the kids against the other one.

But, gay marriage – what the fuck!  How can that hurt anyone.

I was chatting to a mate the other day (a bloody Catholic, so I pointed out he was a member of the worlds largest criminal organisation – in jest of course – please don’t sue me Pope Francis!) who I thought was a pretty open and accepting thinker.  He said he believed in gay marriage but (I love the ‘but’ at this point – and not in a gay way!) it should be a civil thing and have nothing to do with the church.  I thought a couple of things at this point:

  • Gay marriage in his view was okay, legally, just don’t tell God about it.
  • Who said he spoke for God, because he was.
  • It was nice that he didn’t take the normal church view of all gays go to hell – or maybe he did and the marriage thing was all a clever ploy so that at the Pearly Gates St Peter already had the documentation to send you straight to hell.
  • It was one of the lesbians we were drinking with turn to shout in the round and her and her partner (wife – well not yet – they had only been together 17 years – which is longer than any of my marriages!) they had wandered over to a booth and were now grinding each other in a mild pawn scene when alI wanted was a beer and to stop trying to convince a Catholic he was wrong.

It all became too much so I started talking about the footy.  Immediately the AFL Womens’ League was brought up so I went for a piss and never came back.

I write what I think here, I write what I want (it’s my blog!), I also try to write what I feel.

I feel, we should stop giving such a fuck, and endlessly debating, stuff that doesn’t hurt the world (your soul is another matter – and completely and rightfully a matter for yourself!) and is so unimportant in comparison to some of the stuff that is going on – but, our lives are drowning is trivial and bullshit.

Please don’t be offended GLTGBDXSH groups (I didn’t know the acronym.  I knew it started with Gay and Lesbian so I randomly pressed keys for the others as I don’t care enough about the acronym for me to even pop of this page and Google it) – it’s not that I don’t care about you, its that I don’t care enough about you in comparison to other things that could kill me tomorrow, or economically destroy me and our country, save a childs’ life, stop another domestic violence death, save a kid from dying in a gutter from drugs or being molested (probably by a Catholic)…..

Come on world, come on straight people, come on gay people (and all the other acronym people), come on Catholics (I withdraw that one – they’re not listening…) come on politicians – more important, come on community and Business leaders….. fucking concentrate, just for a moment on the things that matter.

I hope one day I can go to a proper gay wedding.  I have been to a few ‘pretend’ ones as the law says they are not real – but, do we need the law to say our love and commitment is not pretend – maybe, who knows, I know I don’t.  I know one thing, oppose gay marriage or march down the street in support, either way it doesn’t save one kids from starvation.

I do hope in the future I can go to a legal gay wedding; after all I’m a heterosexual male Australian and I’ll go anywhere for free beer.

PS:  I left the ‘stick to their knitting’ phrase alone in Dutton’s comments as it was just too much to tackle before my first beer of the day – anyone know where there’s a wedding today!

PPS:  This blog may contain a few typos and grammatical errors, but I just couldn’t care enough to proof read this more than once – I’d get my wife to do it, but she’s knitting me a jumper and i don’t want to interrupt her before she cooks my dinner.