Category Archives: Better Now

Use for the daily ‘being a better man’ activities

The Power of Words

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I sometimes find that I sit down to write with the best of ideas and intentions and find at the end I have delved into the realm of sarcasm, judgement and criticism.

I reread my posts and think what a waste, this could have been so much…. well, more and even perhaps helpful.

I think my confusion is that I think a few words, written with the best of intentions can actually make a difference; well as I see it. Now, I believe this is true to an certain extent as to the power of words written and spoken contain so much beauty.  Yet, not all words are beautiful or uttered beautifully and can be the exact opposite; ugly and hateful.  Words are so powerful they can be healers or destroyers.  I believe this without question.

However words, good or bad, without action, are the forgotten utterings of intentions; good or bad.

Yes, words are fun and tragic and historical.  But, ultimately they can be so hollow without action.  Do I think the second world war would have been different if Mein Kampf had not been written, what about the Crusades or the Jihads and their guiding words…. And no matter what, don’t mention the Spanish Inquisition.

Words have been around for millennium from blowing red dye over your hands onto a cave wall to a tweet today.

Words hurt, they love, they hate, they save and most of all they enable our connection to each other.  Words can inspire many emotions and words can also inspire action.

I read a lot of my stuff after I have written it and throw it into the corner… then a few months, years, decade later, I pull it out and have a read and say have a look at this insightful bastard.  Not, only that, but, it is splattered with humour and the occasional generational joke that raises the eyebrows of the under 50’s and gets a knowing nod or laugh from my generation.  But, this piece of paper with all its insight and knowledge was sitting in a cupboard and, well, doing nothing.  It’s value to anyone and especially me were lost.  Word, and actions are partners.

I loved the look on one of my daughters boyfriends face when I told him that the movie ‘I am Legend’ was based on the 1970’s movie ‘The Omega Man’ and surprise, surprise I just happened to have a copy to show him (Unfortunately it was a digital recording and not on Betamax…. All those over 50, que to laugh) …. And….  I think I just wrecked my point here….!!!???

As we started the movie Charton Heston was driving the greatest car in the world – a red circa 70’s Mustang around the deserted streets of the apocalyptic future and wanted to play a bit of music…  so bang! … cut to him putting in an ‘8 track’ !!!   Well that took a bit of explanation to the late 20’s good bloke who I think chuckled with relief that he was not born then – maybe even his folks were kids…. He nodded with disbelief that an 8 track was a tape the size of a video cassette and only held 8 songs.  (and just in closing I won’t even mention what Soylent Green is made of!)

Okay, where was I.  Yeah, words are meaningful and meaningless was in my head.  But, I don’t believe the meaningless part.  Funny how the words sometimes in your head are best just left in your head.

Words are never meaningless.  Often there are ‘throw away lines’ that have more meaning than a Presidential Speech.  They only become meaningless when we don’t believe a word of what we are being told – then they are white noise.  Words can sometimes be beautiful and express the world in ways our five senses or an Instagram photo never can.  A picture may be worth a thousand words but one word can be seen in a never ending collection of pictures: love.  But, words can be our saviours and our demise.

The pen is not mightier than the sword in risk assessed combat training and manuals.  In real life however the words written by the pen, the words said, and Facebooked, and Tweeted, and Instagrammed, have destroyed lives and countries.  No sword can truly fix a word penning in hate or anger.

Sticks and stone, do hurt….  Words also do hurt and they can destroy.

I wrote a blog the other day about ‘being a man of your word’.  This was a complete commitment to use the example of me giving up smoking.  I am on day 10 and saving a lot of money and those cancer sticks will always break my bones… but, I think they will break my heart quicker when I look into the face of my kids through a clear plastic mask when I have just had a brain aneurysm (real example sited her!)   ….. and the absolute joy of all this was I gave one of my kids a little financial help the other day which was less than a couple of packets of cigarettes…  I called them and told them I had saved hundreds so this was their reward for not giving up on me giving up.  Their words had changed my life for the better.  

Sticks and stones, words and rhymes – that’s almost a rap! I love Eminem and think he is the greatest musician for a long time, who beat the odds and is really not recognised for it.  He is the master of words and even has a rhyme for the word orange!  I remember when he became famous as the best rapper in the world and he was white – the best golfer in the world at the time was African-American!.  We never how the world will change and present itself to us.  I believe it is how I interpret it that matters more…. And the words I use in that interpretation.

In my thoughts and words in the past I have interpreted the world wrong when I should have just accepted in.  The word I should have used to describe the world was grateful.

Words.

The greatest influence of war… and peace, in the world.

It is a travesty that we now have a crime;  yes a CRIME, called ‘Hate Speech.’

The thing is since the tragedy in Christchurch NZ I have seen so much hate speech disguised at ‘freedom of speech’.  I had a moment when I saw what happened in Christchurch.  The first words into my head were tragedy, anger and justice.  I took another moment and realised that these were the ‘false words’ of  my mind trained in responses that we all can accept.  This moment caused me to replace all of those words with just two: love and sadness.  They felt like so much better words than anger and justice.  They didn’t just sit in my head but nestled by heart.  Those words helped me accepted what I had seen on the TV and have hope (another great word) for all of us.

I have decided that the word, the words that we use will always be our undoing .  It has been mine and I am now ashamed of abusing the wonder of language and words.

Before you say anything, or get angry… count to 10.  That little saying goes into the same credibility annuals as if you pull a face and the wind changes your face will stay like that and don’t go swimming for an hour after you’ve eaten  – I know the last one is a medical fallacy but, I would be disappointed to die in the river choking on a vomited up cheese burger….

Or are those 10 seconds possibly the most important seconds you can spend.  Ten seconds is a long time to choose your words.  Ten seconds in millions of seconds in our lives.  Ten seconds to not press send as we think of our words and the consequences of our words.  As we think of the motivation of our words and the consequences.  And in ta 10 seconds how that can change.

And there is another thing…

I have read (and hopefully written over the years) wonderful words…..  and I hope they did make a change, even if just for a while.

I have also used words that were like a dagger in the heart…. and the wound of those words is long and slow in healing if ever.

The beauty of ‘the word’ should never be confused with the horror of the intention or the love of the intention.

One of the most beautiful use of words I have ever seen is….

‘I apologise and I am sorry.’

Said or written with heart and soul is the epitome of our language.   I am sure it can be written and said a lot of other ways around the world.  The intention however is the same.  I wrote another blog about that the other day – click bait!!!!    

I used to believe it doesn’t matter what you say it only matters what you do.  This was a truly false god I worshipped.

What I am trying to say in using two fingers to bash this keyboards and mangle the English language is, that words are wonderful. They convey love, joy, respect as well as so many positive emotions.  They also have their evil opposite brothers who convey malice, hurt and hatred.  

The beauty of words is, we get to choose.

…. a significant moment.

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Our life is full of so many significant moments…

Yet, in the future when we look back we can remember so few.  Often it is the moments of tragedy and mayhem that flood our memories when we scan the history of our lives.

For the majority of us, life is really filled with insignificant moments that make us who we are, the memories that we smile about just before we go to sleep, the situations that we so desperately try to recreate and are often disappointed because they are not the same.

Life after all can only be lived now….  

These insignificant moments are the ‘real’ moments of our lives.

This weekend I had many of those such moments.

My middle daughter and her boyfriend came to visit. I was going through a challenging period of my life and looking forward to the visit, for company, solace and the love that only comes from those few special people in your life – if you are like me that circle is not vast but its depth and loyalty pales the average Facebook friends list into insignificance.

I, suffering from the malaise of my challenges, got out of bed late and wanted company rather than activity when they arrived.  

Midmorning they arrived with the loving greetings and care of children and the insuppressibly exuberance of youth.  ‘Let’s go in the boat’. 

Eat.  We had fritz on toast.  We laughed at the joy of it and the most bread we had all eaten, possibly ever.  (I have the recipe for this delicacy know as ‘The Big Man’s Breakfast’  !!!) 

The boat, it was in our minds and conversations of ‘what to do’ but didn’t yet fill my heart.  ….. But it hasn’t been out for months, it was filthy, it has been just sitting around, there was a lot of preparation; it was a task. The excuses I had were overcome by a decision to give and all I had to do was move.  

The momentum of youth caught me and spirited me along.  This spirit was not one of doing tasks, but, in enjoying tasks.  The mundane was each a small victory.  The tragic, became funny.   The perfectionism of age became the call of ‘she’ll be right’ and we’ll see what happens.

We laughed and revelled in those disasters that never happened – we laughed at ourselves – we celebrated as a team playing in a game that had no winners, because we were doing it for fun.

We were in the water and everybody seemed to do the stuff that mattered – and a lot of it didn’t matter, but it was done anyway. There were no fanfares, cheering of impressed crowds, the smashing of a Champaign bottle on the bow – there was just the moment, then the next, then the next.  We weren’t there for a crowd but for the moment of seeing what would happen next and going with it.

The water was like glass.  The beer was cold – okay it was a bit early, but it was still cold. We waved at others – and most waved back.  One even danced with his shirt off and a belly bouncing and was rewarded with a dance mirrored from the back of the boat.

We looked at beautiful scenery that may be just ‘the bush’ unless you look with an eye of ‘we are lucky.’

We laughed.  We waved some more and we saw boat races that surprised us and dogs sitting on boats. We laughed at our attempts at emulating the titanic at the stern… and sometimes just weaved in the water a bit because it felt a little bit exciting, not to scary, but just fun at the most basic level.

We broke down and we told stories of breaking down. We were in a boat owned by a ‘doomsday prepper’ and there were spare parts and tools.  Fixing it was almost as surprising and enjoyable as actually breaking down.  We took off again with cheers of success and knowing that even failure would have provided the same pleasure – although it may have been a bit more hassle, we would have had a better story, the continuation was just another moment of celebration.

We met the lock master – all of who are pleasant and fun and skilled. We lamented the boating skills of the novice of which we were in that league. We laughed and chatted of river locks and the science of them which we chuckled about in trying to understand.

We ventured into the ‘secret’ part of the river, where there are channel markers and the depth sounder beeps all the time for the shallow water. We weaved and wondered and discovered like the original river pilots.

We forgot our boat laws but wore our life jackets.

We stopped at one of the many beautiful sand bars… for no reason than to stop.  We swam. The water was chilly and the river shrimps were biting which made it all the more fun.  The reluctant swimmer swam and we laughed with jocks and bras and waved to the bewildered boats passing.

… and sometimes in moments where we didn’t laugh, or speak, we just loved the moment.

On the river trip home we had new experiences, new captains and waved.  We were patient in landing at let the family lauch first.  It all went well and soon the moment of insignificance became a wonder. 

A wonder of joy.

A wonder of nature.

A wonder of bush mechanic repairs.

A wonder of fun for fun sake.

A wonder of a moment where I knew why I existed.

A moment forever.

…and we were home and filled with our trip, kept some momentum, and packed up and laughed at our mistakes. Even marvelling at our success.

We rested and ate and sat around and told stories – and I listened!

In the evening we saw the dangers of early beers which was completely overshadowed by the care of each other.  Most of all the chats and the jokes and the conversation was of meaning, and acceptance and care.  Love and politics and religion and all the taboo subjects are only the food of arguments when you don’t listen, and love, and respect.  The jokes will always win when they succeed with humour, no sarcasm and mostly when they are about yourself.  Fatigue set early with drinks and food and mostly with a day well spent.  And the tiredness drapes over you like a blanket of comfort and the glow of mutual contentment.

We sleep the sleep of a good day – with the sting of the sun on your skin and the glow of love from those who just lived a wonderful day with you.

The morning was slow but filled with the true love of a morning cuddle and the dozing of a big day and night.

… we ate again and moaned the heads of experience yet not fully learned.  We rested and laughed at a movie and lounged on the lounge.

… and the moment came when we parted.  No long goodbyes but ones with hugs and handshakes and kisses that savour a moment, the many moments of love and fun and friendship.

The last wave as the car pulls away is the hardest unless it is not filled with the afterglow of the days, the afternoons, the moments that actually make a life.  You will never be alone again.

The moments can so easily be lost in the noise of what we are supposed to believe is significant. There are a lot of photos that will never compare to the snapshot of complete and total connection and absolute joy.

I sit and I write now, not long after, and I can feel the inhalation of hitting the cold water which is completely overshadowed by the inhalation of joy from a significant moment, a shared laugh, a gasp at nature, a touch, a hug, or the fleeting moment of eye contact.

The afterglow is more than a memory – it is the now a part of who I am. Thank You.

A Good Man: Is true to his word

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Being true to your word is something that is not demonstrated or even required so much nowadays and exampled by our leaders…

“There will be no carbon tax under a government I lead…”

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman…”

These are pretty public examples of people, our leaders, not being true to their word… and they will debate it until the next election cycle and then continue espousing the misunderstanding that everyone had about what they said….

But should we follow their example, male or female. The simple answer is in our hearts, the answer is no.

A good man is true to his word.

Historically I have thought this a pretty flexible statement, and the inclusion of the ‘good man part’ is also a little bit optional depending on the circumstances, quality of the recording equipment and possible witnesses.

… and this can, if it hasn’t already, make the word of many, including myself, pretty worthless. It then doesn’t become about what you say anymore, because no matter what you say, nobody will trust or believe you anyway.

This is damage that you can’t undo with a magic wand.

So, I am a good man and must be true to my word.

This also means I must be a strong man.

Not strong in lifting weights or sticking to a task or standing for a cause, but a strong man in overcoming the general societal malaise in being true to your word.

In being true to your word you must be strong to the intention it was given and your honesty in giving it.

This should apply to everybody from the prime minister to…. well, me.

The actual truth of being true to your word is that mostly you are the only one accountable. You may not think this is true but, by not being true to your word, you, and only you, are the accountable for the loss of trust.

I have lost that trust so many times because the truth of my word has historically had many interpretations and excuses attached to it made by me. My word was not really a ‘true word’ as such, but more like a true piece of more bullshit. Also, giving your word is not conditional such as … I will if you will. Your word is really the reflection of you.

So, the answer to that is not ‘Gee, I better get everybody’s trust back’ because the real situation is that you must be a person who others feel comfortable in trusting. Trust is not given it is earned.

I want to be true to my word and think that a measure of that is, the more difficult the task the more weight on the word. Now this is not grandious actions of great sacrafice or matters of honour but, the small promises you make to yourself, your loved ones and those close to you.

So, I am sure you have seen enough words and preaching – now is the time for action.

Action is important because you can actually say whatever you want. Yes, words hurt however, action as they say, speaks louder than words. True action also has to have true commitment.

Now is the time for that commitment.

Always remember there is a big difference between commitment and just sort of hanging around and being half heartedly involved. I think the analogy of the chicken and the pig best explains it. The chicken and the pig both want to surprise the farmer with a special birthday breakfast so they decide on bacon and eggs. Looking at it this way, for the chicken it is involvement for the pig it is commitment. To be truely commited sometimes you have to give up a bit of skin. … and sometime that bit of skin can be the hardest to give up because it is pride!

I am committed to being true to my word. So have this commitment below, mainly to myself but thought I would share it – as it is important. Well, really it is a matter of life or death.

I want to stop smoking.

My latest attempt commenced on the 4/3/2019 and I lasted to mid afternoon on the 5/3/2019 when I smoked butts out of the ashtrays. A hard and demeaning admission, but true.

On the morning and day of the 5/3/2019 I worked feverishly in the yard to avoid smoking – and in the evening went and bought a 10 pack of cigars. I had given up for half a day.

On the evening of the 5/3/2019 I smoked a few but not too many as I had to have some left for the next day…!

On the 6/3/2019 I rationed my cigars, sometimes only smoking a few puffs or halves so that I would have enough to last me for the day. I ran out just before bed.

On 7/3/2019 I realise I had undertaken behaviours not consistent with being a good man – well I rationalised I wasn’t hurting anyone by having a few sly smokes – WRONG WRONG WRONG….!!!!

I was lying to myself, I was lying to my family and friends. I was NOT being true to my word. I was not being honest and I was not taking responsibility for my actions.

On 8/3/2019 I asked for help.

I went to the chemist and got patches, I also got nicorette gum and found my copy of Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking.

I had no cigarettes on the 8/3/2019 and that is the day I stopped smoking and the first day I can remember when I have not smoked in many years.

If you are thinking YOU IDIOT you just had a brain aneurysm which was probably mostly caused by smoking and then you start smoking again… you are correct!

It says a lot about the way I have been thinking in the past – it is a pretty big indicator. Plus what about the trust issues with yourself and others… a good question. In reading Allen Carr’s book I see how smoking, especially secret smoking is such an insidious thing that it is done in the face of the most probable result which is early death – also it as he says in the book, secret smoking “causes a major loss of self-respect; an otherwise honest person may force himself to deceive his family and friends” – what a terrible indictment on my ADDICTION!

So I am making this a public on my blog because I am holding myself accountable – I am giving my word. A good man is true to his word.

I have stopped smoking and I will not smoke again ever.

I give you my word.

I don’t want anyone to wish me good luck because luck has nothing to do with it. I appreciate any support given or words of encouragement.

Just a little footnote.


I am three quarters through Allen Carr’s book and if you are a smoker and want to stop smoking please go and get a copy immediately. I stopped for 5 months using this method previously and in my re-reading have discovered my mistakes and as to why I started smoking again. I also know that he does not condone use of Nicotine Replacement Therapy – but, at the moment it is really helping and the little demon nicotine will be in my system a little longer while I overcome the ‘smoking brainwashing’ I have been subjected to and subjected myself to over the years

I also found this note in a diary from around that time I stopped before and now know it is in line with the Allen Carr’s method and I now understand so much more about that method. I am only three quarters of the way through the book at the moment!

Why I am giving up smoking (this is out of my diary from a few years ago):

  • It will make my wife and my daughters happy
  • I hate smelling like cigarettes
  • I cough as the last thing I do in bed each night
  • It is costing a fortune (I just worked out if I live to 85, which I might if I stop smoking, that if I had continued to smoke a pack a day, between now and my 85th birthday, I would have spent…. wait for it, $197,000.00 on cigarettes!!!!!)
  • It will probably make me an invalid
  • I can’t get fit
  • It socially isolates me
  • It will make me happier
  • I won’t feel sick from smoking
  • I will stop doing something that doesn’t add to my life (This is a major and important factor to me right now.)

So, I am publishing this 4 days and 44 minutes in – this is from the ‘Quit Buddy’ App I downloaded and already saved $146.00 and not put 560 mg of tar into my system. Part of Allen Carr’s method is celebrating that you are a non-smoker from day one – well he advocates from the moment you put out your last cigarette/cigar. My little poster is up in the office and I am celebrating This is not cocky but just thankful!

…. and finally a little apology. To all the people that my smoking has affected from family, friends, associates, work buddies, people cleaning up butts and washing ashtrays (and smelly smoke clothes) etc etc – I am sorry about the cost, smell, effects and dirty jobs you had to do. And a little thank you to all the people who I know will support my decision to stop smoking and support me in the endeavour – thanks in advance.

A Good Man: Takes Responsibility for His Actions

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Yesterdays blog was about forgetting the ‘better man project’ and just being a good man – everyday.

Everyday is a long time – it is now and it is always.

You can’t have a bad day as a good man and hurt people and then say sorry and think it will be okay. Saying sorry is a good start but that taking responsibility for your actions is the actual action that you need to take.

I remember when we were all saying sorry for something we didn’t think we were responsible for… I always used the analogy of having a cold….

“Sorry you feel bad with your cold” – as opposed to…

“I apologise you have a cold” – but it’s not my fault so why apologise.

An apology is taking responsibility for your actions – “sorry about that” is all very nice and really has no answer, or complaint, but is it taking responsibility – I vote no.

I want to be a good man and take responsibility for my actions on a daily basis. But, there is a catch. Apologise freely, or better still stop and don’t do that thing that I might have to apologise for in the first place – that is the good man.

The good man today does not wipe out the not so good man of yesterday. It does also not wipe out all the ‘sorries’ when there should have been ‘apologies.’

In thinking about this, I wondered is is all that apologising and saying sorry really doing anything – is anyone really any better for it?

The answer that continued to boom through my head was ‘Yes”.

Not that long ago I was contacted by someone that I had wronged a long time ago – for all those years I put it down to good old youthful exuberance. They told me what I had done had hurt them for years and it was a horrible time in their life. I said sorry… I hope I apologised. But, most of all I realised that neither of these things seemed enough. I dont know what to do to make up for this wrong – but, I do know the universe will tell me when that time is and I will have to pay the piper – and I will pay him gladly.

Taking responsibility for your actions can be a hard pill to swallow – you can choke on it and it may kill you. It may kill the construct of the person you thought you were – it may kill your ego. These are things we don’t risk in our modern dog eat dog life.

But, and there is always a but….

In my ‘Dr Google’ research I came across something interesting in all my searches about taking responsibility for your actions… and it was in the Alcoholic’s Anonymous 12 steps program… (these are a few of the 12 and in actual order but with a few edited out – do a search and next time you may be kinder to someone who you think is, or is, an alcoholic – they are undertaking something much harder than any pretend better man project…)

  1. Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  2. Make a list of persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  3. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

So, the battling drunk up the street may just be a good man (or woman) trying to undertake the recompense for a life not so well led. … and if you want to baulk at the God bit, just think about editing that out instead of trashing the entire sentence – perhaps it is easier to not get passed the ‘God bit’ because you then can avoid the ‘ourselves’ bit.

When you think about their list it can be overwhelming – when you think about your list it may be a surprise – when I think about my list, especially those closest to me, it is staggering.

I am following the 12 steps and it may not be God even to me, but the Universe is always watching – it is where we came from and where we will go back to. Remember there may be one molecule in your body that was once the heart of a star – and that is a legacy that deserves recognition and somehow, somewhere, a sense of awe!

I want each day to not be about being the better man sometime in the future and to hell with my past in getting there, well getting there tomorrow.

I want want each day to be about me being a good man and acknowledging that yesterday has a whole lot of responsibilities that I have to also take responsibility for and when I can ‘I apologise’ and do what I can to make amends.

Some days this may sting, but often the acknowledgement takes no more than will and acceptance … and that may not be pretty.

I have been a good man today and I accept all the responsibilities for my wrongs of all the yesterdays to here… I will be a good man tomorrow and make amends where I can.

Bye the way – I do not think this is a task, I think it is a privilege – because we, I, am still here to do it.

Being a Good Man

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Well this is a realisation.

The ‘better man project’ is a myth.

Each day I have convinced myself that I am on the path to being a better man; yet that day of fulfilment is always in the future – I will be a little bit better today and a little bit better tomorrow etc etc etc – well etc, ad infinitum until you get to the point that you convince yourself that each little ‘better bit’ will lead to some unattainable position of better – but of course after that you can always be a little better.

… and of course because in you, in your idea of where you are going and what you are doing is the problem that each little bit of better you disguise to yourself as deserving some credit and acknowledgement for the effort – irrespective of the outcome – which overall may not be better…

Today, the only day I have and the only day I am living – actually I am only living this actual moment right now…. I need, now, to be a good man.

I can plan to be better tomorrow which always provides the excuse of not being the good man today, now, in this moment.

It is a big realisation that the construct of my personality that I have created – as in ‘this is me’ is in actual fact a construct of something I will be tomorrow – in that I will be better tomorrow so it is okay to not be so ‘better’ today.

It is easy to be a better man tomorrow – it is hard to be a good man right now, especially when things are not going well, or you are hurting or …. well there are 1000 reasons why we tell ourselves it is okay to behave in a certain way today because tomorrow….?

It is a little difficult to change an entire blog to ‘Being a Good Man (Now)’, but labels are often just there so that we can feel our place – URL’s are just there so we can find a web page – and so often that is a place we have created so that we can feel empowered.

As with all things I decided to seek ‘Dr Google’ to advise me of the characteristics of a good man… there were a lot of URL’s that got a hit – actually 600,000,000! I think, and feel, that what defines a good man must come from within – and with perhaps a little help from the universe; so I will thank Dr Google for its 600 million ideas and define my good man characteristics from my heart, my mind, my soul, my universe and hopefully when the next search for ‘define a good man’ ends up on someones desk top they too can find it themselves and define themselves as a good man from within – because, after all that is really where the good man emerges from or hides.

So, I think the better man project has taken a paradigm shift – I will always try and be better tomorrow, it is hopefully the nature of all of us – but today, this day, this moment, now, I will be a good man.

A good man is:

  1. Honest

Better ….. the best Daughters

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Don’t know if I mentioned I almost died from an aneurysm a few days before Christmas….

If I had have died imagine how that would have stuffed up Christmases for the entire family for…. well, forever….  What a terrible day that would have been “Oh, here’s the new blouse you wanted, and oh yeah, this is the day Dad died!”    Horrible!

I know I am going to die before my daughters.  Well that is what all parents wish and I can’t imagine otherwise….  I have a mate who’s 24 year old son recently died from cancer….  the world will never be the same again and most definitely never seem fair.

….. and I must digress here …. by saying that friends do not show up when it’s convenient or easy but they are just there when it is hard….  I am trying to do that for my mate above.

So I spent a few days in hospital, well actually three weeks, and although it wasn’t exactly a piece of cake for me, I know it was hard, maybe more so (as I was zonked out on oxy most of the time – the only time I ever had access to that many drugs was after midnight down Hindley Street talking to a bloke called Guido!), for my friends, family, wife and daughters.

I can’t thank my wife enough…. but that is another blog and probably a bit more between me and her.  A lot of the people I have to thank have received a little special thank you in the post – well maybe not yet as the old mail with a pen and paper really is as slow as a snail.  I often ask myself why I still write letters and send cards – but then again I did have a brain aneurysm so talking to myself has become somewhat the norm – and I agree!

My little blog today is also not about my friends  – who many fulfilled the above little saying of being there when it was hard.  … and a lot were smart enough to not be there and fill my hospital room, read my magazines and steal my chocolates….  but called later when the dust settled and I could actually remember them either being there or talking to me!

My daughters…  the ones that I thought I was here to protect, suddenly were there
protecting me, holding me up, making me proud of the young women they had become… so one night I wrote the following:

My Daughters

When I was on the edge of life,
When I wavered,
When I was scared,
When I feared for the future,

 Angels appeared,
… and they were my Daughters.

They lifted me up,
They led me back,
I am alive, and I am grateful.

 My daughters,
… such strength
… and grace
… such unconditional love.

Their gift of my life,
I am humbled and proud.
Thank You.

… and more so, I am grateful that I am here to write this and tell them in person, everyday.

Better Community – The Riverland War

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War, what is it good for … well let’s think about that for a moment…

I live in a great community.

Peaceful, beautiful scenery, no traffic, a sense of history, wonderful country people working together to make the place better and more….. um…. let’s just think about that list for a minute….

The Riverland is the place I am talking about and ‘working together’ is a wonderful thought but perhaps a myth….?

I have spoken to people who have not spoken to people for 30 years because one punched the other in the guts behind the lunch shed at recess time …. or my Dad hated your Dad so I hate you … or you live in another town so I was born to hate you … …

I think the only towns this doesn’t apply to are the ‘Switzerland’ towns like Monash or Glossop which fall into neutral territory.  Well you may be from neutral territory until you sign up for a sports team when your parents take you to practice for the first time when you are 11 then you give up your Switzerland citizenship and become a naturalised citizen of your new country – but not really because you weren’t born there… and that is everything.

These ‘countries’ are of course for life, your citizenship is for life and loyalty is everything.

We, us Riverlanders are constantly at war, north, south, east, west and of course those ones from across the river!

I propose a solution.

We have a war, a real war.  Wars settle long held grudges and everybody gets along afterwards e.g. 2 World Wars and now we love German cars and engineering plus the Japanese make all our electronics and we have their words tattooed on our bodies, that old chestnut the Vietnam ‘police action’ and now they are some of our most valued citizens are Vietnamese and it is our recent most popular tourist destination – bloody hell our current South Australian Governor Hieu Van Le was born in Vietnam!

Plus wars encourage inovation, get the factories going making guns and other stuff to kill each other, wars get rid of troublesome young people (you know the ones, those entitled brats who are always on their cell phones and didn’t drink out of the hose when they were young!)

Wars are basically great!

(Plus wars solve everything like the war on terror and the war on drugs – bang!  Both done and dusted and pouring in enough money and lives gets it done….  innovation, talking and compromise are for the weak!)

I propose we have a war to unite the Riverland and settle once and for all which town is better and more to the point who will be the King!   This is not a figurative war but a literal one (please explain the difference to anyone under 25!).

We tell the Government (who do nothing for country people anyway – love that old chestnut as well and unfortunately have experienced it…) that we are going to settle our own affairs.  It will be a ground war with conventional weapons (no chemical weapons or nuclear weapons – do we really want the USA coming in looking for weapons of mass destruction or building walls everywhere…).  Of course we will have to change this silly Riverland Murraylands thing which covers more territory than most countries and just make it a Riverland thing – of course Blanchetown and Waikerie may decide to bug out and become part of the Barossa….

Of course if you don’t want to be involved you can go to Monash or Glossop (or other designated Switzerland towns) and sit the entire thing out – if you weren’t born here you can also leave but if you were born here you must stay and fight – well after all it is your fault either for your activity or inactivity.

There will be an official declaration of War Gala – of course tickets will be $100 to attend and most will complain and boycott it as not only is it too expensive you have to wear long pants and a tie – it will be on the Riverfront and the main aim will not be to declare war but get as drunk as possible.

After the declaration and the afterparty breakfast the following day it will be on for young and old. (Well not really the old – they just cling onto power and prevent anything actually changing…. but the young, well they will just live in the situation we, the old, created… and they better be grateful!

The Katarapko Convention for the Riverland War will be convened regarding the rules of war (what a silly thing to have rules of war!) and will include:

  • All prisoners will be treated humanly and provided with one meal of a Parmy and a beer a day (no innovative food will be served especially anywhere with table service)
  • Op shops will not be ransacked (the Riverland has some of the best Op shops in the country – a national treasure actually!)
  • Riverland Forum on Facebook will be the official news service for the war and report daily on traffic, lost pets, recommendations for services (only if this information is readily available from at least 100 other sources) – in the event that Riverland Forum is compromised by positively reporting the Riverland War then multiple other pages will be created to report – e.g. Riverland Forum without rules etc etc
  • HiViz is not a uniform and anyone caught wearing it (especially when going out for dinner) will be shot as a spy
  • All local Councils will be excluded from the war (unless required as human shields) as their allegiances to any particular town is a bit fuzzy.
  • Individual towns may have a navy which must consist only of jet skis which must at all times be travelling a top speed and apparently going nowhere.
  • Medical assistance must be provided to the injured which may entail a 3 week wait or the conscripting of well meaning doctors who are trapped in the combat zone and have been conscripted to work to death.
  • Any town may surrender at anytime (or fight to the death irrespective of the damage to their town or the Riverland) and will immediately become a suburb of the victor.

I think it will be a great war and provide the Riverland with a new start.

At the end of the war one town will be the victor and declared the Capital of the Riverland.  That town will elect a King, who must actually ahve some qualifications and not just win a popularity contest vote on by their relatives, who will become the benevolent dictator (a proven political system so long as the benevolence continues…).

And we will rebuild!  (the USA will probably want to help but let’s hope the King says no otherwise we will all be back where we started).

The King will have one Council to help him, the businesses will have one Chamber of commerce to help them, the Service Clubs will work together, the farmers will work together irrespective as to what they grow (except if it is cotton or rice – anyway they should have been shot during the war!)

Of course in addition to the mundane tourist attractions we have already we will now have such national icons such as:

  • The Battle of Bookpernong Cemetery (there will be lovely underutilised gardens)
  • The march of Katarapko Creek (it will be an annual pilgrimage to walk the track – which will be poorly marked and unkept)
  • The Mookrook Massacre (war crime trials continuing for years, even decades in the Kangaroo Courts which are a long standing Riverland tradition)
  • The Loxton Siege site (which was self imposed to keep the rabbits out)
  • The New Loveday Interment Camps (currently used for conciensious objectors and people who have lived in the Riverland for 20 or more years but will never really be locals – just to teach them a lesson)
  • There will be one Riverland Show to celebrate the end of the War.

There will be heaps of good stuff to take for granted … and we will do it together.

Of course this is silly – although I did get a lot of pleasure writing it and seeing the looks on peoples faces….

But, aren’t the Riverland towns now and haven’t they been for some time, in a Cold War.  It is like Russia and the USA in the 1960’s and 1970’s – war is not declared but we are in a battle for supremacy, to the detriment of all.

What is Community.  Is it one town, is it the Riverland, is it the Riverland Murraylands – it’s all of it.  It’s realising that punch in the guts behind the lunch shed at recess time didn’t mean all that much then and means less, actually nothing now … and that bloke and/or girl is all grown up now and a part of my Community, perhaps my neighbourhood.

Those kids that have a private war daily in the Riverland by not having the opportunity to be in charge, to lead the way, to innovate, to create…  they take their arsenal of youth, enthusiasm, knowledge and potential to not fight in other peoples wars but to build their communities. (also see post on Old People – click here)

I suppose if the war continues nothing gets better, different people with no loyalty to the Riverland get involved (does the war in Afghanistan ring a bell!!!) and ‘our country’ is ruled by invaders and all the locals, their businesses, their lives become collateral damage in a greater ‘good’. (I just had another good idea for a blog called “The Invasion of the Riverland”…. maybe another day?)

Perhaps the greatest war we have to face is the one within ourselves, to forgive (the greatest act of will and surrender we can undertake) work together and make our home, our neighbourhood, our community, our Riverland a wonderful place for everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

Better at Spam

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I suppose people who regularly read my blog (both of you) will be expecting a great exposé of my recent stay in hospital and my ‘near death experiences’…..  well that’s what I logged on for …… and perhaps my usual writings in themselves are spam….  but,

…. and then I logged on and found my web site had been hit by over 250 spam messages and my in box had over 400 emails emails…..   (not withstanding this shitting me off I did get a real bargain on a penis enlarger and I am currently speaking to a manager from a bank who has this lost inheritance….  but more on that later….)

I wanted to write something profound about death and life and the above just made me think perhaps most of our lives are ‘spam’…. and I don’t mean the canned meat!

Spam is defined by the font of all knowledge, Google as:

spam

noun
irrelevant or unsolicited messages sent over the Internet, typically to a large number of users, for the purposes of advertising, phishing, spreading malware, etc.


TRADEMARK
a tinned meat product made mainly from ham

verb
send the same message indiscriminately to (a large number of Internet users).

I am glad the definition included the tinned variety as in fact this is where the origin of the word spam for electronic spam comes from – disgusting and fascinating at the same time – I’ll let you research that yourself!

So, how do I get fascinated with spam after having a brain aneurism – well I actually don’t but that is what permeates our lives and appears to be the main motivator for most things we do.  Surely most of the time we are being spammed either by the advertisers, the government and the alleged news services and of course the Merchants of Misery which is anyone associated with the Media.  Are we living OUR life.

I kept a little journal which started a few days after I got out of intensive care (thanks to my sister Cheryl who flew in from Perth to assist in my care – she knows me and knows I love to write – so be warned the ramblings of a post op heavily drugged and medicated muse will be filling my upcoming posts…!!!) and in this little journal one day I wrote….
Afterglow of tragedy,
Fades in direct comparison to the minute by minute
Requirement to deal with the mundane.
It is a strange realisation when you face tragedy that the world actually goes on – mostly unmoved, unconcerned and definitely it is not going to give you any special consideration for you troubles.

But, of course this has always happened;  it is just in the moment that it happens to you that you often notice for the first time – but, this too fades as…… you guessed it, ‘life goes on’.   …… and you do to…..  but, really is it the same?

I wrote a fair bit during my hospital stay and I have been asked to not publish it here as someone actually thinks it might be better than a series of drug induced ramblings….  but if not now, when, for who and most of all why?   So dead friends, now and in the future, I remember you, and us, and me…..

DEAD FRIENDS

Is it the wrong end of life
It it the end or just a new pace and place

Are these old friends
Or dead friends
Or just the new normal and the now of our life

Funerals are not sad now
The food is better now
The company seems more important now

Are these the same friends
Are they from when life was different
When it was serious
And we were serious
Are we in the wrong place

Are the unsaid things now said
Undone is now never
And what’s more not regretted
Or required
Or missed

I am still here
You are still here
We are still here
Do we notice
Handshakes
Next time, maybe me or you

I don’t think we notice.

Better at Being Old People

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Visited Nana, Dad, Mum, Grandpa the other day….  Was sitting at McDonalds and an old couple came in….  I saw an old couple walking down the Mall….  Met my mates Nana, Dad, Mum, Grandpa …..

…. and all the fuck I wanted to do was get away, politely and stop myself from gagging!

Why are you wearing those clothes…  Why do you have food down the front of those clothes….  Why are you telling me about your last operation or visit to the doctor…  Why do you keep saying “when I was young”….  and what the fuck is that smell!!!

Is this deliberate; it must be deliberate – if so you win…  if not, it is just sad and annoying…

Being old is a privilege (let me write another blog post about all my young dead friends and family….) – this privilege entitles you to live in the world with the rest of us… but it does not give you the right to live in the past and annoy me in the present.

… and the past is not coming back, and yes, I know you worked hard and did it hard and in your day this and that and please kill me now if you tell me one more time about how good the good old days were….

Well the ‘good’ days today are of your making:  although you deny it, you made this world and now we have to live in it and you keep telling us about how good your world was and how someone else fucked it up, not you, ….. and somehow we are responsible….  and not only that you wont get out of the way!

I know this is all terribly unkind and disrespectful to the elderly…. but, I would love to hear about how you solved a problem, or overcame adversity, or suffered a loss, or had an adventure, or what your world was really like….. without boring me to death, or whinging, or lecturing me.

I have had many an old mate, some of my best mates were and are 30+ years older than me… and I am old.  Did they bore me, no!  Did they tell me about their scheduled doctors appointment, no!  Did they complain about the world, no!

They revelled in their old age, they embraced the present and shared wisdom and humour… they transcended age and shared the thought that took years in the making… and they shared loyalty, honour, grace that only comes with time and experience.  They told their stories and never lectured, boasted or complained….  they grew old with acceptance and gratitude.

I’m sorry, but, I am not sorry really; if you are old and have nothing good to say about then, now or the future, please remember the hand you dealt us in todays world which is of your making…. you had your chance now please, please, get out of the way…..

…. and especially you old men who wont let go of that small morsel of power you possess…..  Yes, yes, you worked hard for it…  Bullshit, mostly you just waited your turn…. merit wasn’t around remember it was seniority…

I still baulk at people when they tell me they were born in the 70’s, or 80’s… or even the 90’s and they are my doctor!  (Just think about it if you were born this century you are 18 years old this year….  I am telling old people to think about this!!)

Old people…. it is not your world anymore!!!

So you (we, me) are in our 50’s, 60’s, 70’s or even 80’s and are still working, still wanting, dare I say, to be in charge, hang around for that extra $10 of pension….  do us all a favour and retire or die…  you are in the way!   …. and if you can’t because you can’t afford it then look at the good old days and see how you wasted your money as you relied on your government pension which is now being taken away from you by either your peers or your children….  why?  Maybe it was the way they were brought up!

Okay, this is a nasty post….  but sometimes things just have to be said….. and it is now a published reminder that as I age, do so gracefully, with some degree of humility and with a resolve to guide, help, coach, facilitate and support the young of the world…. it is their world now and we have to get out of the way!

PS:  Make sure you remind me of this next time I bitch about those young bucks and their stupid clothes and dumb attitudes….

 

Better at Surviving the Apocalypse

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All the news is bad and I watch too many Zombie apocalypse movies… but, over the last few years a truck just ran through a crowd in France killing people (I was going to say including women and children but aren’t all lives valued the same – probably not?), a car in Melbourne did the same… and man with a knife etc etc etc…..   (Just a little fun fact about a few people dying from terrorists and a few crazies…. anyone remember the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami which killed over 240,000 people in 14 countries…..  can’t stop that one with a taser and a trolly!) 

I don’t think there is a great likelihood of there being a Zombie apocalypse or evil virus designed to wipe out the human race – but, I am sure there is some sort of war going on against us – and I mean all of us.  Plus, danger appears to be everywhere.

I am angry that the world is becoming (or is it just appearing to be…) such an unsafe and dangerous place, for us all to live in.  I write posts, I espouse threats, theories and rhetoric in the pub every chance I get, I like Facebook post that are angry,  and I get angry at the News (even though I have vowed to stop watching the it!)

But…. the big ‘but’ here is that I can do something about it; the other ‘but’ is I must decide what it is I am going to do – I have to have a plan.  So:

  1. I can decide to make a real difference, which would entail me dedicating my life to righting all these wrongs and really doing something about it.  I can join a lobby, protest and/or militant group to fight back.  I can run for politics and stand up.  I must be dedicated and fight with all I have, I mean everything – all else in my life must become secondary – to not do this just makes me another keyboard or pub warrior not making a difference but just making a noise….or
  2. I can do what I can and try and live my life the best I can.  What is doing what I can.  First of all it is stop talking and start doing, start paying attention to all the things I see in the world that make me crazy and start realising that it doesn’t all really mean anything until it happens to me, in my life, at my doorstep, to my family, to my friends (only close friends mind you!) – and, most of all be prepared (just like a Boy Scout).
  3. I can do nothing.

Interlude:  I got a little excited being a dooms dayer and realise I actually don’t really think this way all that much anymore…. this is one of my ‘draft posts‘ that I started after the truck ran through the crowd in France.  I was angry that anyone would do this…. and I was angry that this truck travelled over a kilometre and was crashing into cars, buildings, posts (and people) and still, people at the 900 metre mark were run over by SURPRISE (!) when the truck came up behind them.  I was angry at them for dying.  I was angry for them dying so badly.  Yeah, the first few hundred metres you can expect that people were  unexpecting….  but hundreds of metres later, with crashing and screaming and dying….  people were still oblivious to a truck smashing down a pedestrian walkway towards them – even if it was from behind….  I actually wonder how many died looking at their phones trying to start their video app so they could capture whatever was happening….   I think they just died badly… and worse…. oblivious and without really putting up a fight!

Interlude II :  I do feel sorry for all the people who have died in these terrible violent incidents we seem to be plagued with in our modern world…. but, just to put all that into perspective we ARE – read the following as a fact; you can research it and find I am right even if the media (the Merchants of Misery) don’t want you to think it….  we ARE living in the SAFEST, MOST PROSPEROUS, HEALTHIEST, period in human history – not just recent times, or centuries, but EVER! (CLICK HERE for a good article about the statistics involved).  So why are we all so afraid and convinced the world in on the brink of apocalypse….?

So where was I before the interlude(s)…..

I was going to attempt to survive the apocalypse, although it is unlikely it will happen, I still would not like to die oblivious and wearing my life jacket when the ship sinks.

Some years ago two of our children were involved in serious ‘survival’ situations that they were lucky to get out of, relatively unscathed…..  I thought, I am the doomsday prepper from way back, yet could not help my children when they needed me the most.  Why?  Because I wasn’t there and I had always planned on talking to them about ‘survival situations’ tomorrow….  well that day came, and guess what?  It caught us all by surprise!

So the next Christmas I gave the all the kids ‘survival packs’ for their cars…  Yes, I know it sounds crazy and paranoid, but they all carry them in their cars – and they love them, and they show their friends.

The packs have first aid, a few space blankets, some tools etc etc – the content is not really as important as the message.  …. and as a matter of fact the packs do contain a message in the form of the “Survival Manifesto”.  This is a short document which is the most important survival ‘tool’ in the pack.  It is a really simple message of staying alive when things go wrong by following the “Four Rules of Survival’:



I have noticed that when I ask people what is the first rule of survival, nobody gets it.

We often think of all those wonderful tips and tricks on the TV about survival, like building a fire, finding shelter, finding water etc etc – most of which most of us can’t really do in real life, in the real bush, in a real survival situation.

The one thing we never think about is not getting in that situation in the first place.

Now of course, this doesn’t help in surviving the apocalypse – because I am sure when it comes, the apocalypse that is, it will be beyond our control…. but most things in our day to day lives, even in those little moments which change the course of our lives, often, all we have to do is take a moment and think…. is this really a good idea?

Both situations involving my children could have been avoided, or at the very least minimised, if the first and perhaps the second rule of survival had been followed….

Also, survival as you can see is not about being able to build a hut from your boot laces and a mars bar wrapper – it is more about what is going on inside your head.

I know one thing.  The giving of the ‘eye rolling’ gift of the survival packs to my children and the highlighting of the above four rules make my kids, and me, and perhaps even you now that you have read this, more likely to survive ‘that situation’ (or perhaps even avoid it) than the vast majority of the world, who not only die, but unfortunately die badly and dumb.

I might write a few more articles about surviving the apocalypse from the ‘manifesto’ – but then again when times get tough, food is scarce and the shit has hit the fan, perhaps if there were less of us it would be easier…..

PS:  Statistically…..  if it is ‘every man for themselves’ usually 90 to 100% of people die – yet when everyone works together 90 to 100% survive….. can anyone guess what we humans do in 90% of survival situations……?  (I didn’t make this up and if you are interested a great book to read about historical survival situations is: “No Mercy – True Stories of Disaster, Survival and Brutality” by Eleanor Learmonth and Jenny Tabakoff)