Better at Dealing with Bullies (nail me to a Cross)

I haven’t got a real way in dealing better with bullies, but felt the need to write about them.

I suppose using the same methodology as ‘Dealing with Dickheads’ may work (click here to read my post Dealing with DickhScreen Shot 2017-04-17 at 8.59.38 AMeads) but bullies are a fairly different category – or are they.

The reason I was thinking about bullies, is that it is Easter Sunday and this is supposed to be a significant moment in the religious calendar – but why?  Is it significant because a man allegedly came back from the dead – or is it a better moment because bullies nailed him to a cross.  Or, is it a more significant moment because throughout history religions have been the biggest bullies.

What do bullies do – they pick on the weak.

What do religions do – they pick the weak and make them slaves….

I’m having problems deciding which is worse.  Is it better to get a quick punch in the face from a bully and hopefully move on – or get sent on a life long guilt trip and never move on.

I have been spending a few Sunday mornings with the Jehovahs Witnesses – they are very nice people.  I am fascinated by their contetion that the Bible is the ‘word’ of God and not the word of man.  I have read their stuff which apparently contains evidence.  Now being an old Detective, it would appear that their understanding of evidence differs from mine.  The evidence I see regarding the Bible is, that it is the worlds most popular book (I haven’t checked if the Harry Potter series knocked it off top spot – if it did, this would be a sadder indictment on humanity than slavery to the Bible) and it falls into a category of books that has changed humanity – for the better, sometimes I think not.

Is the Bible actually the greatest selling bully manual.  Thou shalt not, just about everything, and if thou doth do, thy arse will burn forever.  Not real up lifting stuff.  It has a few good bits and some reasonable instruction on how to get on with thy brother and thy sister (so long as thy brother doth not want to marry another brother) and about being kind to the little children.  But, aren’t these instructions the natural order of things, in that fundamentally, we want to look after each other.   Me, actually thinks not.

I recently read a book (not the Bible) called:

The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes – and Why

I read this book as I was having a discussion with a mate about the apocalypse…. as per usual.  I said I didn’t believe all these apocalypse movies where the warlords would take over the world and it would be everyman, woman and child for themselves.  So, they said read this book – and I did.

It works out that in a survival situation, if it is ‘everyman for themselves’ the majority of survivors, 90 to 100%, will die.  Yet, in a survival situation where everybody works together, they look after the weak and vulnerable and share resources, between 90 and 100% will survive (for a great example of this read about Shackleton and his arctic expedition).

However, in over 90% of survival situations, it is everyman for themselves – it is almost certain that most will die – yet this is what we choose.

Perhaps human nature is not inherently good…..?

I have been a bully most of my life – mainly because my enemies have been so insipid.  Were are the ‘men’ of today, where are the true Statesmen (read my take on this – click here) where are the ‘saviours’ that get us all to work together so that most of us survive – I think the majority of them get nailed to crosses…

We cut down tall poppies, the virtuous, the good and the generous because we can, because to stand with them is hard, but to run off and look after ourselves is easy – even though by doing so we are almost ensuring our own death.

But of course I’m not one of those people, you are not one of those people….. it is them, or they, or anybody but us.  After all we always give to charity, always let that driver cut in front of us in traffic, let that person in front of us in line, volunteer our time to those that need it, support local causes, world causes, feed the hungry and shelter the homeless – of course we do all of these things.  Bullshit.  It is me for me and don’t get in my way, I’ll get angry, I’ll actually get cross and then nail you to it.

All sounds a bit bleak doesn’t it…. yet, we celebrate the story of a guy getting nailed to a cross and then coming back to life.  We eat some chocolate eggs to celebrate this, we have a few days off work, eat fish on the Friday and chocolate on the Sunday and all drive back home in maddening traffic on the Monday where we don’t let people in and think everybody on the road is an idiot except me.

On Tuesday we don’t think of the guy on the cross anymore, we feel the weight of the chocolate we ate more than the pain of a few nails through the hands.  We listen to the media (the Merchants of Misery) and they tell us the world is the same as before.

The bullies drop bombs on civilians, push over small children in playgrounds and film the entire thing for loading up to Youtube.

So after all that, I haven’t found a way to deal with bullies.  I haven’t found a way to deal with the church or religion.  I haven’t found a way to convince and atheist there is a God or  the believers to relinquish their faith.

Maybe being a better man sometimes is not about finding ways to fix things, but just accepting them.  Maybe the best way to deal with bullies is to ensure that you are not one.

 

Better at Laying the Blame on They

I just want to know who ‘they‘ are.

They are responsible for me being unhappy and I want it to stop.

Screen Shot 2017-04-02 at 14.05.07I have been thinking about the infamous they (no not the musical Band – great name for a ban by the way!) all week.

I went to a meeting and things were pretty bad in this particular organisation.  I found not only were they responsible, but they were the ones that said they would do it in the first place – now, we, have to put up with the fallout because they didnt do it.

We had to do something.  We called another meeting and told everyone to come along – preferably up in arms!  Remember, meetings are always a great alternative to actually coming up with a solution.  (click here for a guide to meetings).  And it is important that you come to important meetings ‘up in arms’ because then the solution is irrelevant as you got to be applaud , shocked and hopefully offended.

Yes, WE called a meeting, WE decided to take charge of our own destiny!

Screen Shot 2017-04-02 at 14.06.38They were not going to get away with this!!

They didn’t show up – only we showed up and had to try and figure out what they had done.  Every single person in the organisation was there, yet, they weren’t.  We tried to figure out what had gone wrong, where the money had gone, why there was no leadership, why there were no records…. but, they weren’t there:  we were all there, but we didnt have the answers – only they could answer these burning questions at to what went wrong.

It wasn’t MY fault, it wasn’t OUR fault, WE all did the right thing – they are to blame!

So WE decided to do the right thing and forget about the past and look to the future.  We were going to fix this.  We were going to do the right thing.  We even voted for it and it was unanimous!!!

So we all left the meeting, happy… knowing someone was going to fix it.

Better a Couple of Blokes Pashing…

I really don’t like getting into debates that I don’t think about much.
Screen Shot 2017-03-19 at 9.28.26 AM Don’t get me wrong, I am continuously up for an argument, but most of the time it is for my own enjoyment.

But, this morning I read OUR, yes our, immigration minister Peter Dutton  warned CEO’s to “stick to their knitting”, and said the Turnbull government “would not be bullied” into changing its stance on gay marriage.

Now normally if people ask me what I think of gay marriage, I say, I don’t.

What the fuck has it got to do with me.  Everyone I meet I immediately bring sexuality into the conversation so that I can disclose that I am heterosexual, plus, I find the debate… well…. distasteful.

Not because I think a couple of blokes pashing at the alter is distasteful, but, because if society is more worried about two of its’ members loving each other and wanting to spend their lives together than:

  • Our soldiers dying fighting wars over…. fuck knows what they are over.
  • Aboriginal communities living worse than 3rd world countries.
  • Hunger and kids dying in 3rd world countries.
  • Politicians salaries and honesty.
  • The debate on climate change.
  • The road toll.
  • Domestic violence.
  • etc etc etc etc

… if they are more worried about gay marriage than the list above (which is twice as long as this, no, make that 10 times longer than this) then we are all doomed.

I just don’t get it!  We are allowing, even legislating in favour of things that hurt our society – often hurt our souls unretrievable; yet, we won’t let a couple of people do something that I can’t see hurting anyone.

I’m not going to discuss divorce here – because most times everyone gets hurt some way or another in divorce – but, in a divorce (other than the disgrace of domestic violence) it is usually a civil (both figuratively and legally!) situation with the biggest argument is who gets the house and who gets to turn the kids against the other one.

But, gay marriage – what the fuck!  How can that hurt anyone.

I was chatting to a mate the other day (a bloody Catholic, so I pointed out he was a member of the worlds largest criminal organisation – in jest of course – please don’t sue me Pope Francis!) who I thought was a pretty open and accepting thinker.  He said he believed in gay marriage but (I love the ‘but’ at this point – and not in a gay way!) it should be a civil thing and have nothing to do with the church.  I thought a couple of things at this point:

  • Gay marriage in his view was okay, legally, just don’t tell God about it.
  • Who said he spoke for God, because he was.
  • It was nice that he didn’t take the normal church view of all gays go to hell – or maybe he did and the marriage thing was all a clever ploy so that at the Pearly Gates St Peter already had the documentation to send you straight to hell.
  • It was one of the lesbians we were drinking with turn to shout in the round and her and her partner (wife – well not yet – they had only been together 17 years – which is longer than any of my marriages!) they had wandered over to a booth and were now grinding each other in a mild pawn scene when alI wanted was a beer and to stop trying to convince a Catholic he was wrong.

It all became too much so I started talking about the footy.  Immediately the AFL Womens’ League was brought up so I went for a piss and never came back.

I write what I think here, I write what I want (it’s my blog!), I also try to write what I feel.

I feel, we should stop giving such a fuck, and endlessly debating, stuff that doesn’t hurt the world (your soul is another matter – and completely and rightfully a matter for yourself!) and is so unimportant in comparison to some of the stuff that is going on – but, our lives are drowning is trivial and bullshit.

Please don’t be offended GLTGBDXSH groups (I didn’t know the acronym.  I knew it started with Gay and Lesbian so I randomly pressed keys for the others as I don’t care enough about the acronym for me to even pop of this page and Google it) – it’s not that I don’t care about you, its that I don’t care enough about you in comparison to other things that could kill me tomorrow, or economically destroy me and our country, save a childs’ life, stop another domestic violence death, save a kid from dying in a gutter from drugs or being molested (probably by a Catholic)…..

Come on world, come on straight people, come on gay people (and all the other acronym people), come on Catholics (I withdraw that one – they’re not listening…) come on politicians – more important, come on community and Business leaders….. fucking concentrate, just for a moment on the things that matter.

I hope one day I can go to a proper gay wedding.  I have been to a few ‘pretend’ ones as the law says they are not real – but, do we need the law to say our love and commitment is not pretend – maybe, who knows, I know I don’t.  I know one thing, oppose gay marriage or march down the street in support, either way it doesn’t save one kids from starvation.

I do hope in the future I can go to a legal gay wedding; after all I’m a heterosexual male Australian and I’ll go anywhere for free beer.

PS:  I left the ‘stick to their knitting’ phrase alone in Dutton’s comments as it was just too much to tackle before my first beer of the day – anyone know where there’s a wedding today!

PPS:  This blog may contain a few typos and grammatical errors, but I just couldn’t care enough to proof read this more than once – I’d get my wife to do it, but she’s knitting me a jumper and i don’t want to interrupt her before she cooks my dinner.

 

 

 

Better Statesmen

It has been some time since my last post – not a long time in comparison to the age of the universe, not a long time in consideration of my entire life, but a long time when you think what can happen, or be said, or be thought, in just a normal day.

I think the problem is the ‘normal’ days get in the way of our life.  We live just getting by, Screen Shot 2016-09-03 at 23.45.51
just doing the shopping, washing the clothes, paying the bills and getting the kids to school on time.

We waste our days being busy and then flop in front of the TV or more probably watch cats riding on vacuum cleaners on Youtube and check on Facebook if our friends are still holidaying in a more interesting place than us.

We vote at elections, listen to the political rhetoric on TV in the lead up, don’t believe a word of it (although we live in hope!) and then we see the country being just the same as it was before the election – the Politicians fight, the Unions demand, the workers revolt – remember the workers are always revolting!

We look to our leaders and can’t see them, because they are not leading.  We want someone to look up to, but find that they are too busy not worrying about us.  They tell us they are, but we don’t feel it – we feel the increasing pressure of our bills, we fear crime in our streets (we don’t even know if there is more crime in our streets as all statistics seem to tell us we are better off than our parents ever were…), we suspect everyone not like us is a terrorist hiding in our suburbs (but saying anything is illegal – unless you report it officially and become a whistleblower – all of whom usually suffer more than the whistled…) and the illegal immigrants storming the beaches by the millions….

I was chatting with a mate the other day, a very smart mate, and he said there are no more ‘Statesmen’ (to stop the whinge – he said Stateswomen and then Statesperson…).  It just constantly appears that the people we look up to are not traditionally who we looked up to.

Our social leaders for kids are the Kardashians.

Our political leaders in Australia are playing musical chairs and internationally they are either facing criminal charges, impeachment or a ratings slump.

Screen Shot 2016-09-03 at 23.40.48Our values are dictated by The Family Guy, The Bachelor and a 10 second grab on the 30 minutes of News each evening, before an average of a third of the boardcast, minus advertisements, is taken up by sport – followed by a happy weather girl who smiles and waves her hands about to make us think tomorrow’s sunny conditions are not global warming but a great day to spend $25.00 on a show bag of stuff we can buy for half the price at Aldi!

Where are the Statesmen – or women or persons!

We look to our Gods (even though more and more of us see them as only destructive or imaginary) and are still lost.  We read their books.  We quote them

Proverbs 29:18
“Where there is no vision, the people perish”

I think we are perishing: I think the vision is only to the next election, the next budget or to avoid the next media frenzy.

I can never understand what motivates the rich or the powerful to become richer or more powerful…  Surely, somewhere in that money making mind or that power crazed need, there is an appealing aspect to doing things for the common good.

But, who decides the common good – usually those that are not too common.

Are we all so obsessed with the personal vision of our own self interest predominantly because that is the way we are being led.  Although most of us are
a part of the majority – that is, not to poor, not too rich, not to powerful, not to suppressed – that climbing to an unattainable level of wealth and power, as sold to us by the media (the Merchants of Misery) is the vision that actually drives us and the welfare of our neighbour can easily be sacrificed to walk on anyone to strive to attain a mostly unattainable goal.

Where are the Statesmen – okay!!!! Stateswoman, Statesperson!!!!!

I think what is lacking is our ‘leaders’ our ‘guides’ in this modern age are a few of the basic qualities to make them a true Statesman (enough, I’m not writing the others anymore!)Screen Shot 2016-09-03 at 23.57.41

True Statesmen work for the people, they lead the people and are supported by the people – they are our bedrock.

The True Statesmen:

  • Understand the values and opinions of the followers.
  • Are a part of the majority, they identify with it (not just talk at it), they truely empathise and have a bedrock of principles tied to the welfare of all.
  • Don’t shape the people through compliance, rewards and punishment, but by building a consensus to achieve a vision – they do this by people wanting to be like them, wanting to adopt their vision and values.
  • Actually have a vision – where all is better for all.
  • We trust them – even if we don’t like them we still trust them.

Where are the true Statesmen today?

Where are the true Statesmen who will remind us, and lead us, and inspire us to create a society that cares for its most vulnerable, works for the greater good, is happier, more trusting, safer and most of all leaves a true legacy of greatness behind.

Will the next true Statesman, or Stateswoman, or Statesperson, please….. please….. step forward.

Better Aussie Battlers

In 1973 an average house in Adelaide would cost you $16,250 – and the average wage was $111.80 a week ($5800 a year) – average rents were $10 a week – a new Holden Kingswood was $2730.00.Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 4.15.20 PM

In 2014 the average house in Adelaide would cost about $450,000 – and the average wage was 1453.90 ($75,000 a year) per week – average rent are about $400.00 – a new
Holden Commodore was $35,000.

To put it simply, the price of houses have gone up 600%, rent about .25 % and cars about 40% in comparison to the money we were earning in 1973 and are now earning.

I have been thinking about this post for some time; not being an economist, accountant or financial advisor (as they are bullshit jobs!), I reckon, I’m pretty qualified to say, that something is really not quite right here.

Is it just that the poor are getting poorer and the rich are getting richer and most of us are all just sitting in the middle struggling…?

At this point, I should point out that all of this doesn’t matter.  I have lamented in other posts about the futility of chasing wealth and power as ultimately, we firstly all end up sitting in a chair, pissing our pants, watching days of our lives and waiting for our relatives to visit who never come….. and, then we die, and take nothing with us (remember, you never see a trailer on a hearse!).

In truth the rent, the house, the car are all useless articles that cost a lot, but perhaps have no real value in our lives.  It is no use knowing the price of everything, if you don’t know the value of anything.

And considering that in recent years more and more people are filling their time doing bullshit jobs (see earlier post this week – click here) I ask myself constantly “Self, – Is there such a thing as an Aussie Battler anymore?”

I think the world changed for the Aussie Battler after a couple of wars, a few where we called the returned soldiers Heroes, and then a few smaller wars, or where they Police Actions, where we called the returned soldiers baby killers! (bearing in mind we now all celebrate the ‘heroes’ in all our wars, and Police actions, yet fail to live the values we celebrate in them – I had a spit about this last ANZAC Day and put a video up on my YouTube channel if you’d like to have a look – click here).

Then we had a sexual revolution and a stock market boom (and multiple crashes), the housing boom, there was a baby boom in there somewhere (I think around the time of the sexual revolution or one of the wars – it doesn’t matter, I think the baby boomers are actually the cause of everything!), and now a technological revolution (still going on – is it a boom, or just a series of small startup booms, which become bust – unless you sell porn or are Facebook) and then a global financial crisis (which had a cool, catchy and overused acronym – GFC!) and then….

Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 4.17.41 PMWhat?  What are we now.  Are we Aussie Battlers, pulling ourselves up by our boot-straps, working hours in the hot sun, digging a hole somewhere, lifting some heavy stuff, to return home on dusk, having lamb and three veg for tea (not dinner) and watching the ABC News… do we see the vision splendid of the sunlit plains extended…  I don’t think so!

Are we still the land of real opportunity, or are we a people governed by those who talk a Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 3.49.21 PMlot about jobs, struggling Aussie families, ‘moving forward’ (fuck, I hate that phrase, almost as much as the hypocrisy of the person who said it with the ultimate lie of never having a carbon tax in a government that I…. you know the rest of that bullshit – if not just switch on the News now and listen to any politician from any party in THIS election!) … are we now not governed by an elite group of people who themselves couldn’t even define (not that I can?) an Aussie Battler let alone find one.

What really is in the future for these entitled, self obsessed, iphone, ipad, internet, snapchat addicted no hopers, we call a variety of labeled generations, who still live in OUR houses (that we worked bloody hard for as real Aussie Battlers!) and expect everything to be given to them…..

This younger, ungrateful generation who live in a world…… yeah, in a world that……. yeah, in a world that… oh, yeah, in a world that WE created for them!  Oh fuck, I think it’s our fault.  I know the good old days are gone, but is today just their good old days yet to be realised – sometimes I think not.  there are just a few things I know, and we all know if we look, that are real different from then and now:

  • I know I got my free education (even Uni if you went – which wasn’t encouraged or expected) – and now to go to Uni means to have a HECS debt (the equivalent of my first house deposit) that may cripple you for a decade and beyond.
  • I know I could walk the streets pretty safe at night – and now we have more Police and more laws and now about 90% of parents drop their kids off and pick them up from school through fear.
  • I know it was a fair dream to own a home and a car and now the opening stats in this post say, perhaps this is not a dream, but a pipe dream.
  • I know that if I really wanted a job I just had to go out and look for it – there were enough to go around and now even with a degree, and a HECS debt crippling any wage I earn, I may not get a job, ever.
  • I knew if I had a career it would probably be for life and now a career is until the next Government reshuffle (or election where promises of jobs never materialise, but cut backs and redundancies do!), business insolvency or stock market crash. Bearing in mind always that the CEO get his payout and lives to start another company or better still get a Government advisory or consultancy role.
  • I know that if I put a little bit away in superannuation I would be set up pretty good when I retire and now (even today) the retirement age is increasing and I can’t put enough away, even if I have a job, didn’t have to pay my HECS debt and found a secure investment that didn’t go bust or involve massive corporate corruption – if all these things did or didn’t happen I will still struggle to secure any future in retirement.
  • I knew the local cop, the local bank manager, the local councillor, the local butcher the local milkman (he came to my house?) – and now I do my banking and shopping on line (if I do speak so someone it is in Mumbi!), the banks don’t want to know me except to take my money in fees and give me crippling credit debt – there is no local ‘friend’ or respected member of the community we all look up to and most of all trust.

I don’t think the Aussie Battler is a myth, but, I also don’t think it is our future.

The Merchants of Misery (the media) rule our lives, drive public opinion, topple governments (who needs the CIA when you have CNN), make us buy, buy, buy and most of all ensure that our lives never seem good enough and then provide us with a moral compass that worships possessions, destroys diversity through fear of … what is it now, political correctness gone mad, or racism, or sexism, or basically the fear of standing up like the real Aussie Battler to fight for values that nobody knows what they are…. we are a society of Aussie Battlers with nothing to battle for except our next outrage to Tweet about and our next must have possession (as directed by the Media).

I refuse.  I outright, and down right, fucking refuse to be a puppet, to be on mindless media autopilot!Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 3.57.29 PM

My Dad was a real Aussie Battler, and each day I wonder what he would think, what he would do? (bearing in mind at the end of each day he was to buggered to do more than eat his tea, watch the news and fall into bed to do it all again the next day – and he died at 64 on the dole as he wasn’t old enough for the pension!)

I haven’t mentioned this in the last couple of posts, even though it is the point of my blog and my YouTube channel, and that is being a better man.  Maybe it is because, sometimes, just sometimes, to be a better man, you have to understand that not all those around you have the same aspirations – they are still on autopilot, living a life dictated by the Media and the only way to wake them up is to give them a good hard slap (figuratively of course!)  Plus, there are those who will tear you down for even getting up any speaking what everyone else is thinking – even though when you speak up and say ‘fuck’ it becomes about saying fuck and not about the subject – always remembering, outrage is the modern equivalent of hard work.

I haven’t also mentioned, the being a better man words, because, well, I felt my blog, with an average of 60 reads per post and my YouTube Channel with a similar average, was just to small, I was too small, I just wasn’t important enough.

Then I thought, fuck it, that’s what everyone thinks – that’s what we are supposed to think, or go shopping to stop thinking at all!

So, standing up, speaking up, even if no-one is listening, is the point of being a better man.

As I have quoted before, as Gandhi said:

First they ignore you,

then they laugh at you,

then they fight you,

then you win.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Better at Bullshit Jobs

76 per cent felt workloads had either increased or largely increased in the past three years.

75 per cent disagreed or strongly disagreed that management would listen to their concerns.

67 per cent disagreed or strongly disagreed that management conducted adequate assessment before announcing the reforms.

66 per cent believed there were insufficient staff numbers.

64 per cent said service delivery will be worse to much worse under the reforms.

55 per cent felt positive or extremely motivated to go to work.

So, lets look at that at this survey using the ‘bullshit jobs’ methodology.

Firstly (and only really when you consider all the above results from the survey) one Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 11.46.55 AMwould presume that most joined the Police to make a difference and serve society.  This is a good start to their employment – it is the thought they are going to be cops, doing cop stuff.  Then they find that they are required to spend the bulk of their time on tasks they don’t like and they are not particularly good at (and most certainly haven’t been trained for) which is administration, typing and continuous reporting to micromanagers.

So they find that they joined the Police to be cops and spend most of their time being clerks.   Most of these administrative jobs don’t actually need to be done, or a least could be done cheaper and more efficiently (e.g. your average cop types at about 25 word per minute and earns about $80,000 a year – your average typist types at 80+ words a minute and gets paid $35,000 a year – this is easy maths by the way!)

So, in the end everyone ends up doing more clerical work that cop stuff – it gets to the point where they all become obsessed with clerical work (doing the statistics, reporting to the boss, building a CV) that in the end they actually resent anyone doing cop stuff because they are not doing their share of clerical bullshit – in the end they are all competing to do more clerical bullshit than cop stuff.  As a matter of fact the entire organisation is now geared to bullshit clerical jobs instead of cops being cops.

By the way – reorganisation doesn’t fix this – organisational culture, which created it is the only way to fix it.

How can a cop be proud of being a cop, wanting to go to work being a cop, be proud of his/her work as a cop, when they spend all of their time being clerks doing bullshit jobs?

 

So where does that leave us.

I think of it this way…. if all the telemarketers, political secretaries, public relations officers, mortgage brokers, financial planners etc etc, just didn’t go to work for a week, would we notice, would we be worse off – or perhaps better off, but, if all the cops, doctors, school teachers etc etc didn’t go to work, what would happen?

The answer is simple.

Better at Walking Together

Walking 10 IMG_8709 IMG_8712 IMG_8713 IMG_8719 IMG_8721 IMG_8710 IMG_8714 IMG_8729 IMG_8708 IMG_8711I was walking along the other day with my wife, holding hands, just walking. We were walking side by side and just out shopping – well, my wife was shopping, I was going along to be with her, because I wanted to.

Yes, we are holidaying in Bali at the moment, we love it, and we love walking around and looking at ‘stuff’. We also like doing it together.

This is when I noticed, we are somewhat in the minority…..

Most couples, even on holidays, seem to be on a quest.

The husbands (or is partner now the only acceptable term) are striving ahead, with the wife (partner!) dutifully following the mandatory 1 metre behind – OR, the wife is eagerly strutting towards the next shop and the husband is dragging his arse the mandatory 2 metres of shitted off, following you around, want a beer more than being here, look on his face and droop in his gait…

Okay, so why are you even out and about together. Just go separately, or is the habitual obligation of your marriage (or partnership) something you have to demonstrate publicly to make us all suffer along with you.

I understand sometimes ‘the man’ feels the obligation to walk in front with the ‘I’m not a tourist and have been here heaps of times before and know what I’m doing and where I’m going’ look on his face in a modern attempt at the cave man confidence which must always be displayed in foreign situations; but, does it really apply to doing something that is supposedly, something BOTH of you WANT to do TOGETHER.

My wife and I (reminds me as I type that the first time you say that at you wedding – “On behalf of my wife and I” – I’ve had a bit of practice at that!) go together because we want to be together, we want to walk side by side, we want to hold hands – it’s not always a journey, sometimes its just walking around. (Just as a note, we hold hands everywhere we go – life is too short not to hold hands!)

And… then there are times we don’t hold hands. That is when we are not together. Sometimes I go by myself and sometimes she does – because we want to and because the other one understands.

I know the moan of ‘having to go shopping with the wife’ situation. Surely, if it is your wife there is no HAVE to. Sometimes I do things that are not things I think are important, or I would like to do (like just about any form of shopping!) but I go because I want to be with my wife, and she may want me to come (the reasons behind this actually still remain a mystery to me – although the occurrence of this is pretty rare, my wife is smart!), so I am not actually doing it for me, there is nothing in it for me…. but, there is, it is making my wife happy.

This reminds me of something I heard/read/imagined about the father talking to his future son-in-law and telling him that ‘marriage wasn’t for him’. Of course the future son-in-law was worried that permission to marry the daughter was going to get knocked back – but, the father went on to say, it is not for you, it is for the other person; you change your life from doing things for yourself to doing things, everything, for another person because you now hold them more important than you. Of course this is a great theory, but, we as humans have a great trait of taking advantage of situations. That’s where the ultimate gift of marriage, or a relationship, or a lot of other things in life, comes down to one thing, TRUST. (I just remembered I wrote about this once before using the Indonesian interpretation and punctuation of the words Anda and saya. Click here to read it)

I put my wife first. Oh, I catch myself a thousand times a day NOT doing that, but, I actually do catch myself. My wife puts me first. We trust each other.

We walk along holding hands, we walk along together, because we want to be together. We remind each other of it each day, by holding hands, by walking side by side, neither following nor leading, both wanting to be there. And, when that is not working out, we catch ourselves, we wait for the other one to catch up, we walf faster to catch up, we walk back and get them, we walk back and get them and carry them if we have to. And, sometimes, walking together can actually be taking a different route so that we end up in the same destination, then we share our stories, tell of our trip, when we are back together.

I sometimes think that being a better man is understanding that some of the simplest things in life are the most important, like going for a walk and holding hands.

PS:  I went out to get some photographs in Ubud, Bali.  I sat in a little cafe (okay, it was a bar!) and had a coffee (okay, I drank 4 beers!) and took all these photographs in an hour – I did not see one (Yes, you read right – NOT ONE!) couple holding hands.  I am going to get a T-Shirt made which reads “At least while you are on holidays HOLD HANDS”.

Better at “the dialectic”

Well it has been some time since I have been mad here.Screen Shot 2016-04-25 at 11.30.59

And it escalates.  The YouTube channel is going well and I have decided that you can go against your nature.  I have spoken about this a fair bit in other posts; talking about the Scorpion and the Frog and generally trying to find a way to be a better man while all the time fighting against ‘my nature’.

I have decided it is fight I am going to lose!  I will lose, not because it is a battle that I cant win, not because using all my strategies is invalid, but because the one thing that continues to be my achilles heal will always trip me up, and that is  – I am me.

But, it not a fight I am prepared to give up on.
Here comes in “The Dialectic”.  Dialectic thinking is a pretty hard thing to explain – I tried once in a previous pScreen Shot 2015-05-09 at 11.05.19 amost and used my time in Bali as an example – bearing in mind philosophers have been arguing about it for years, sorry centuries!  They can’t come up with a definitive answer so how am I.  Well lets start off with a few of THEIR definitions and then I’ll get to how this is MY answer:

Dialectic thinking:

“a method of argument or exposition that systematically weighs contradiction, facts or ideas with a view to the resolution of their real or apparent contradictions”
(Fuck, that made my brain hurt!)

“The process of reconciliation of contradictions”
(That’s better – a bit like me.)

To me it is, allowing two contradictory ideas to exist at the same time.

Can I be the Scorpion and the Frog at the same time.  Can I still be shitted off by most things and wanting to tell most people I meet to get fucked AND be a better man.  Does one contradict the other so much that there can be no conciliation between the two.  The philosophers seem to think so – I do not!

I am me, sometimes it is not a pretty sight, but I am also resolved to be a better man – a man who lives his values, his beliefs and his convictions.  A man who is not wandering through life oblivious to my own existence.  A man who thinks a person is better, bigger and more important that the latest LCD Internet connects 100 inch TV.

To me dialectic thinking is about being those contradictions.

Not living those contradictions in conflict but just living them; as a better man.

As someone once said to me, how will you know when you are the ‘better man’ or is it a continuous process that never finishes.

I thought about it for a moment and said “Fuck if I know, but I refuse to continue living as a robot”.

I hope that my new series of videos “The Dialectic” goes a bit of the way to changing ‘Fucked if I know” to “Fuck me, I get it!”

 

 

 

Better Pen Pals

I have been a ‘writer’ all my life.  Writing a diary, letters and now, I suppose, this blog.

I also like writing ‘interesting’ letters to people who annoy me, or provide products that have let me down and/or I just love writing to the ‘scammers’ – to see one of my favourites click here.

Anyway, not all my interactions are bad, some like the one below are just, I suppose nice, with a bit of funny (even from the recipients of one of my letters!)

A few months ago I wrote a letter of, not really complaint, but sort of, to Pilot pens.

I wrote it in long hand, on paper, with a pen – a Pilot pen actually.  Here is a picture of the letter but I have ‘transcribed’ it for those (like my kids) who are apparently incapable of reading cursive:

10th August 2015

 

Dear Mr Pilot,Screen Shot 2016-03-13 at 16.04.59Screen Shot 2016-03-13 at 16.04.26

 

I am writing to you, because, I love writing.

 

In our modern world the ‘art’ of penmanship is lost in SMS, jottings at a meeting and the occasional ‘gone to the shops’ note left on a ‘post-it’ note on the front door.

 

However, this art and skill is savoured by a few, like myself who love the innovation of modern writing instruments.

 

When I was 15 I saved my pocket money to buy a ‘Rotoring Micro Norm’ ink pen (I have written the name of that pen from memory) because I wanted the best pen on the market to practice my dreams as an architect. Unfortunately, life got in the way and I worked as a public servant most of my life.

The public service had its drawbacks but generation of paperwork was not one of them. I have gone from manual typewriters to ‘glass typewriters’ to the wonders of modern word processing.

 

But, always, the written word, on paper, in my own hand has been my favourite. As I sit here, at a real desk, not a work station, writing to you I feel all the joys that my grade 7 teacher Mr Kennedy instilled in me in forming of the perfect letter, sentence and paragraph. In addition I have been a diarist since I was 13 and have a handwritten chronology of my life!

 

All of this is in no small part thanks to the people who made the first pencil I wrote with to your pen I am writing with now.

 

So, I write to you today to say initially ‘thank you’ for continuing to improve the instruments through which I get so much joy and satisfaction; and; to enclose those that don’t work so well. The black one just never worked and the ‘multi-coloured’ one just ran out too quick (I am using it’s replacement to write this letter!)

 

I am disappointed in the performance of the pens (as you no doubt are in my spelling – but there is no auto correct with a pen – we just write as we are – who we are!) but not to the point that I have discontinued using them.

 

PAGE 2

 

I love the way the ink flows in the ‘FIXION’ range of pens, and the thin nib (I have started using the pens in preference to your ‘9-2 .38’ pen). In addition being able to erase my mistakes (other than spelling which I am oblivious to) is the ‘hard-copy’ version of the backspace key.

 

So, in closing I say ‘thank you’ for creating the ‘FIXION’ range of pens, just keep working on their longevity and quality control. I am sure your aim is to have us all continue the joy of handwriting with wonderful writing instruments.

 

Finally, I share with you a little sad, but fulfilling story about the joys of writing.

 

My Mother passed away recently; in going through her things in deciding what to keep, and what to donate, what to sell and what to fight over, I came across a box of letters I had written to Mum over the years. They started back in 1978 when I moved from our country home to the city to study; we had no phone; so I would write to my Mum and Dad on a weekly basis – and they would reply; the years passed and our correspondence was spasmodic, often through necessity only, or the obliged post card from holiday locations my parents only visited through those glossy cards of a few words; my Father passed, the phone became my connection to my Mum; the letters stopped. Mum eventually moved into a nursing home about 12 years ago and visits became obligations and phone calls the contact of the drifting connection. Then, about 5 years ago I wrote my Mum a letter. On the following weekend that I visited her, she spoke about nothing other than the joy of receiving that letter. So each week, I sat down on Tuesday and wrote my Mum a letter; each weekend I would visit. There was not very much time between letters and visits to ‘report’ on , but, there was a lifetime to write about. My obligation became our connection; my letter our world; the past, the present and future. Mum passed; I now have those letters, those moments in time; the paper she touched and the words we wrote and read. Those letters are who we were, who we hoped to be. They are us, and always will be.

 

Thanks for the pens to make this possible.

 

Very kind regards,

 

Ian Schlein

Anyway, after a few months of not hearing anything I wrote them another letter that I thought they may understand (and I thought was funny!):

Screen Shot 2016-03-13 at 16.05.27

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway a few weeks later I got a reply with a few pens enclosed (which I was grateful for):

Screen Shot 2016-03-14 at 20.07.14
Finally, I thought I would write just one more reply – this time it was unaddressed and unsigned, but, I reckon Hayley will know it’s from me:2016-03-14 - To Pilot Pens Hayley CardThe joy of a card, a pen, a piece of paper, can never be underestimated.

Better at Swimming in Shit

I try very hard not to swear in my posts – but, those of you who know me will realise that swearing, to me is a way of punctuation that only swearing will fulfil (my wife says I use ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ as filler sounds like other people l use ‘um’ and ‘ah’).

But, today my post has to be titled ‘swimming in shit’ because that is what I have noticed I am doing – shit is shit and that’s all there is to it – calling it ‘poo’ or ‘excrement’ is just not the same.

It is a bit of a shock to when you go down to the same old water hole for a quick dip, then after a few minutes of paddling around you see, a few syringes, a used condom, a pile of beer cans on the bank, the water is dirty and actually smells like shit; that you suddenly realise you are swimming in shit.

This has been my observation of my life over the last couple of weeks while I have been on ‘blog sabbatical’.  If you read my post “Better Knowledge” you will get a bit of an idea that I have not been posting as I have been out and about and ‘looking at the world’; I have also been sucked into Youtube where I think I am a movie star – and people are actually listening!

Let me tell you I have been looking at it positively.  If I come across angry people, I think “they may be angry for a good reason” so let it go: if I come across selfish people, I say “they must need this more than me”; if I get cut off driving, beeped at, given the bird or tailgated, I say ‘they must be in a hurry to something important’.  I have been employing all the strategies in my post “Better dealing with Dickheads” and have had no conflict with dickheads or in fact everyone I meet or come across in my daily life (even the dickheads).

I am a fucking saint and love the fucking world and realise all this time I am swimming in shit – I just haven’t seen the turds floating about.

I do realise of course that most of the ‘turds’ don’t actually know they are ‘turds’ – read my post “Better Oblivious” or “Better off Oblivious” for why this is so.  Perhaps I am the turd and don’t know it.

I am going about my life, dealing with dickheads and getting along.  I am not oblivious; I am noticing the connections, noticing the people, noticing my great life, being happy…..  and all the time I am swimming in shit!

What is this shit that I am swimming in.  It is the stuff in our lives that we notice, but just get used too.  It is the stuff we accept that is okay, it is the turds that we brush aside and say, “Oh, it’s just a little turd, not a problem.”  But, get enough turds and you are swimming is shit.

What are these turds?

I am sorry but I just can’t get away from the biggest excrement creator in our society – the arse that sprays shit and turns all streams into torrents of turds – THE MEDIA – the ‘Merchants of Misery.’ They don’t just tell us about the turds they make them, they hand them out and ask us to polish them – they fill our daily lives with a deluge of dung and continuous diarrhea of brown smelling discontent.

These ‘merchants’ for they are merchants because all they do is sell; they have no conscience.  They are the ‘Wolves of Wall Street’ in our lounge rooms, on the radio, filling the internet, plastered over every building, in our letter box (we call it junk mail for fuck sake!) and most of all polluting the minds of our children.  They tell you that your are unhappy unless you buy, buy, buy;  and, when you do buy, they tell you what you have bought is not good as you have to buy again to have the new stuff.  If this is not bad enough they also tell you what to think!

They tell you what ‘news’ is; they tell you in a way that is not fact, it is not impartial, it has one goal, and that is to keep you watching so that you buy, buy, buy.  All incidents are horrific, at catastrophe, a tragedy and then we get to here my favourite question after a death of a son, child, mother, father…… “Are you upset, how is the family coping?” – Are you fucking kidding me – no you are not, because we then answer as opposed to saying something like “Are you seriously asking me that question after my son, child, mother father was killed, maimed, injured, I lost their house, car etc etc etc….”  We all play the game, we all want that (useless) 15 minutes of fame.

I read a survey the other day (can’t remember where, can’t find it on the internet – I’ll just pretend I’m a journalist and say from a ‘reliable source’) that said the percentage of people who would help someone else in trouble, had dropped, yet the percentage of people who would help someone else in trouble if they were being filmed had quadrupled.  Everybody wants to be a fucking celebrity.  (I am about to conduct a brief survey especially for this post – “One moment please”)

I typed into the Youtube search box “funny cats” and got 6,600,000 hits.
I typed in “PTSD” and got 333,000 hits – I gave it another go, this can’t be right….
I typed in “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” and got 115,000 hits…..
I typed in “Police Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” ……. and got, 7,500 hits….
(PS: “Police Brutality” got 490,000 hits)

We are all fucked – we are all swimming in shit!