Better Retired (1 Year) – Happy Birthday Mum

Posted on 17/10/2017 by Ian

Well where did that year go. Where did my ‘gap year’ go – did it start.

So a year ago I retired from the Police after 38 years – coincidentally it was on my Mum Gloria’s birthday. She has been gone now for almost 3 years.

Nothing is permanent.

We live our lives oblivious to the only one true inevitability – death.

On my final day in the Police there were a few things I wish I had done. I wonder how big that list will be on my last day alive?

What if that day is today?
On my last day in the Police people asked me how I felt – I said relieved. I felt the weight of responsibility lift from my shoulders. Now this was a responsibility I had sworn to uphold (it was an oath I took pretty seriously) and I hoped on occasions I went beyond the call of duty. Often it wasn’t a duty, it was really an honour.
On my last day on this planet (working on the fact that I will live to be 85 – I have 10423 days left) I wonder if I will think that I had spent my time well. I wonder if each of those days I have left I will spend well. As the poem goes, I wonder if I would have spent the Top-5-regrets-for-EL-Mag-VF dash between the date of my birth and the date of my death well.

In thinking, have I spent the last year, my first year of retirement, well. Firstly, I suppose, I have to define well? Is it doing what I want to make me happy; doing something that is meaningful; doing things for others – is it all of these things. And if it is any of them, how do I measure it.

So, I am on the last day of the first year of my retirement – let’s pretend that it is not that day, but a day 10423 days into the future.

So, it is the future, 1st May 2046 and it is my last day and that day is today – I have a few hours left what should I do? Lets go through the list of what I have been doing and decide what will make the final hours bucket list…..

Watching TV (especially Survivor!) – NO

Reading or Watching the News – NO (I actually stopped doing that a few years ago…)

Shopping – NO (what do I need in these final hours – what have I ever actually needed?)

Visiting Friends – Some are so far away (and I haven’t spoken to them for so long?)

Write Thank You and Sorry Letters – NO (Wow that’s a long list, do I have time left?)

Visit the Kids – NO (They are so busy – and I know you only miss your folks after they are gone…)

Arguing over bills, or money, or politics or religion – who would I argue with? How would me winning any argument change my last day on earth?

Spend it with my Wife – I spend everyday with her, I tell her I love her every day, don’t I?

Spend it with Me – But, I know me don’t I (wouldn’t that be a waste of time?)

The clock is ticking and I don’t know what to do: there just isn’t enough time to finish everything and do all the important things. I can’t even work out what the important things are! I just keep thinking about all the things I have done (regrets and triumphs) and all the things I wont get to do. I am sitting there as the minutes turn into hours and my final day on earth is disappearing and I haven’t achieved anything meaningful all day…..

Unfortunately all the ‘NOWS’ in my life have become yesterdays or unfulfilled dreams of the future. What the fuck happened to everyone one of those 2,682,374,400 seconds – I just lived…. tick, tick, tick…. they just seemed to disappear in the noise of my life.

Now it is quiet and I have those final minutes, those final seconds…. what am I thinking….

But, as that clock tick’s those final seconds, each one is NOW: in each one I am alive and I get to truely experience it, the miracle of it, the absolute joy of that one moment….

As that last second ticks, I realise that I had 2,682,374,399 of them, that I may have
missed – glad I noticed that last one.

Back to the present – Lucky for me I actually have 900,547,200 left!

So, today, after 31,536,000 seconds of retirement: 89,683,200 seconds since Mum went to a better place; today on Mum’s Birthday, my ‘retirement day’ I am going to notice each one of those seconds.

I am going to be aware of me, of my life and that, in itself, is a miracle, a joy, and is in fact, right now!

Happy Retirement Day Ian – Happy Birthday Mum. x

Better swimming against the undercurrent of discontent….

Posted on 15/10/2017 by Ian

Something is not right.

As a matter of fact most of the people I meet feel the same as me, something is just not right.

Most of us feel it most days. We go to where we are going and see it along the way – we feel it in the people we meet – and mostly feel it, just under the skin. Like an inch you can’t quite locate. The pebble in your shoe that seems to move around – you take off your shoe, shake out your sock, put your shoe back on…. and a couple of steps later you feel the little niggle of it again.

What the fuck is it…..

It’s the constant undercurrent of discontent.

Something is just not right with my life.

I seem happy enough – but not quiet the happiest I could imagine.
I seem wealthy enough – but not quiet wealthy enough, to buy everything I want.
I seem to have enough friends – but not the friends that I want to be with all the time.
I seem safe enough – but so many things could go wrong.

I am swimming against the undercurrent of discontent… it is not sweeping me backwards, I seem to be able to hold my ground…. but I don’t seem to be getting to where I want to be.

So, I take a moment. And realise that although I believe my discontent is now, it is actually in the future. My discontent is about what I want in the future because I haven’t got it now. So, I take that moment and stop looking at others, stop looking outside me, I actually stop swimming against the undercurrent and find, to my absolute amazement, I am not swept backwards one inch….

I am happy.
I am wealthy.
I have friends.
I am safe.

From what I wrote yesterday, I took that moment and just stood there. I stopped living the discontent of where I am now because up until that moment I hadn’t been living there – I’d been living in the future. The future where I will be happy, and wealthy and safe – really?

Surely, and thankfully, the future is a mystery….

I know I can’t know what the future will be, so why am I living there. I know what the past was, and know I can’t change it. The only time machine which can go into the future or the past is in my head.

I have realised that my discontent, the discontent of the people that I see each day, the discontent of the world – is in fact the undercurrent of time travel that we are all living in.

The undercurrent is not water, it is not discontent, it is time – it is the time in our head.

The regrets of the past and the hopes of the future create a flow that ignores where we are right now.

Also in doing so I realise the under current of discontent has defined my happiness, my wealth, my friends and my safety – all are which are illusions of the past and future.

I’ve stopped swimming. I am neither upstream or downstream – I am just here, now.

….. and the water is fine.

Better at just standing there…..

Posted on 13/10/2017 by Ian

I was thinking of an old mentor of mine recently – as I do often, because the older I get the more his wisdom just makes sense and is spattered with old sayings from our childhoods that now we understand why our parents kept saying them…

He would often say when approaching an emergency situation:

“Don’t just do something, stand there.” dontjustdosomething2

Of course our first thought is this sentence is the wrong way around.

He would follow up with, stand there and take it all in, it may only be for a moment, a second, half a second, but during that moment let your grey matter do the work….

So you are standing there as calamity reigns… take this moment to ask yourself a few very important questions:

Am I in any danger.
If the answer is yes then the first thing is get our of that danger.
It’s probably not as bad as it looks.
If your not in danger, don’t panic and get yourself into danger.
Who is in charge?
If it appears nobody, then it may very well be you and you better get on with doing the job.

The interesting part of this great advice is firstly remembering it when the shit is hitting the fan; and secondly getting everybody else to stop running around causing more havoc….

My world has changed a bit over the last couple of years and the dangers I face are just not the same (I miss them a bit?).

However, the urge to run in full steam ahead still exists in most things I do. Often this is easy as the majority of people are usually oblivious to what is happening and the others are filming it to put on YouTube.

As I come across these ‘dangerous’ circumstances in my life I hear and heed the words ‘don’t just do something stand there’ – they are often followed by ‘take a deep breath’ ‘count to 10’ all good advice from previous generations, all ignore by the next.

But lately, it is not so much danger as ‘problems’ I have to deal with – I suppose depending on how you look at it, there is not much difference, only perhaps the increased chances of death versus an undercooked steak being returned to the kitchen. In making this leap – and it has been a leap – in dealing with danger versus dealing with problems, I have begun to realise there are in fact no problems. Yes, there is often danger, and in situations of danger the problem is dealing with fear. However in day to day life we just love to describe what is happening as a problem.

I am giving that up.

Things are only problems in our head – the reality is that they are just situations that we have failed to accept and as such want to change them into a problem so that we can fix them to being what we consider normal – or as importantly, what we want it to be.

A few examples I have come across lately:

The problem with ‘cold callers.’ Immediately where hear that accented voice, or the conversation starts with ‘you have been randomly selected…’ etc etc. We can feel our blood pressure rising and the annoyance at this ‘problem’ interrupting our very busy and important day. Really? You can just immediately hang up and get on with your day – about 2 seconds of ‘problem’ and it is stopped. I personally chat with them as I am retired and I ask them more questions about themselves than their products “How are you today” “Where are you calling from” “Are you married” “What sort of car do you drive” – often they just hang up (problem solved) or occasionally I have an interesting conversation with someone who I was randomly selected to have a chat with. I never buy anything.

The problem of people disagreeing with me. This is a particular problem as I am almost aways right – but, often so are they. So, I just let them disagree with me. I often and easily agree with them and then just go on thinking what I want anyway. Is there ever a real chance that someone who is addicted to an idea changing that idea because you disagree with them. Most times by agreeing with them the conversation is over as mostly they just want to argue anyway and it doesn’t matter what it is about.

The problem of not having enough money to buy shit people on the telly tell me I need. Forget this problem it just makes you hate your life now. If you buy what they tell you to, they will only bring out something next week that they tell you is better. Unfortunately this is not really my problem, but an epidemic of thought in our modern world – which quite possibly is the biggest problem we have today – which is being dissatisfied.

This list could go on forever, as most of us, most of the time, consider most of our life, a problem. The fact is that our life is not a problem, the people in it are not a problem, the things in it are not a problem, the things we do or don’t do are not a problem – even you are not the problem….

I am the problem.

YES! I hear some of you saying – he finally has realised it. And you are right. I have actually realised that I am the problem for even considering that things are problems – and often resisting them, fighting against them and/or, trying to fix them…… that IS the real problem.

Yeah, things don’t always go the way I expect – and that is okay.
Yeah, people don’t always act rationally or well – and that is okay

But, sometimes, most times actually, I don’t have to do anything, I just have to stand there.

I have to just stand there, sometimes physically, most times mentally and emotionally …… and accept it.

It’s funny to watch…. myself. Hearing that little voice saying, oppose it, fight against it, fix it, yell at it, change it, even the arrogance of the voice saying, I can make it better…… and I don’t, I don’t listen to that little voice…… and, nothing actually happens.

The situation (the problem) actually remains the same – but amazingly when unopposed, un-argued, un-fourght, …….. often, it just fades away, or fixes itself. It only actually ever needed me, for one reason, and that was to become a problem.

It was a situation – I just stood there – I accepted the situation – it still is a situation – nothing really changed except me.

Now, I can act, or not.

But, in doing so, it is ME doing it – not my arrogance, my ego, my learned or instinctive reactions and behaviours, my emotions, not my need to win, not my need to be a hero or even a victim….

To you the difference may be imperceptible – but to me, it is everything – and nothing – it just is.

Better an Alien Invasion

Posted on 25/09/2017 by Ian

I was chatting with a friend this morning and we were talking about an old 1938 radio play based on HG Wells “War of the Worlds”. The play was structured like rolling news broadcasts of an alien invasion. It created panic as people believed it was true (just to note, even during the news broadcast there were advertisements – which people apparently didn’t think was strange that they were being advised of a new dish washing liquid as the world was coming to an end?!).

We also started chatting about how most science fiction movies show that we are only invaded by completely incompetent aliens who we usually manage to defeat in a week or two! Always remembering that these aliens have managed to travel across light years of space to invade us, in technology beyond our dreams, yet we manage to defeat them by putting a computer virus into their systems, with a X Box – usually by a 10 year old and his tear-away class mates.

It troubles me that we would consider any invasion by aliens to be by dumb aliens when we look around ou own planet.

I think any alien invasion would only go in a couple of ways:

They would wipe us out from space and land after the dust settles and claim the planet now devoid of life.
They would fly straight past (like we do when looking for a motel in a small country
town on our holiday…) commenting – “We’re not staying in that shit hole!”
If they were really benevolent aliens wanting us to join the intergalactic community, they would land, attempt to have a chat with us, and then fly off commenting “What a bunch of fuck heads!”

I can’t see our first contact going too many other ways. We are basically belligerent children all arguing over toys we don’t need, but just want, so no-one else can have them.

I think it is strange that we, the human race, would think that any intergalactic alien race would want to be our friends…

What have we go to offer as a ‘new friend’. I would imagine after a few weeks of being the new aliens friends they would be talking to there old galactic mates, behind our backs at the interstellar bar saying things like:

Yeah I know, have you been to their house, it’s a shit hole. They never clean up, there’s always shit everywhere and they just dump their rubbish out the back.

I can’t stand it. They are always fighting, and it’s usually about sharing and who has the most toys.

At parties they always take the biggest bit of cake, and it’s usually the fat ones who do it.

Have you had them over. Mostly they arrive when they are not invited, they never bring anything except a bad attitude; they start a fight, usually wreck the place and leave us to clean up.

Has anyone met their mate Someone, or They? Apparently these two blokes are the cause of all their troubles and fuck everything up.

I think if I was an alien I wouldn’t want us as a mate.

If it was me, I’d drive on by or nuke the place from space.

PS: I was thinking that was a pretty negative note to end on so I have reconsidered. I hope when they arrive they conduct individual job interviews for entry into the galactic community – it would be interesting to see who gets a job and who is left behind? Seeing Nibiru (the mystery planet) didn’t arrive on the 23rd, and the world didn’t end 5 years ago in 2012, I suppose we all have a little bit of time to build our individual resumes…

Better Defriended

Posted on 04/09/2017 by Ian

I was having an on line discussion with someone over several days about same sex marriage….. (I’m voting yes – they have an ‘It’s okay to vote no’ banner on their profile picture) on the only true social commentary site of any validity…. Facebook!?

I made several comments. always respectful, always based on facts and often said I was interested and wanted to hear their arguments. I did not once swear, use offensive or abusive language. Dare I say I was actually interested in what they had to say about why they were voting no as in one comment the said it wasn’t based on any religious grounds – I was a bit keen on hearing their argument.

Of course on Facebook where this was all taking place it is often hard to not have a few peripheral friends wade in to ‘assist’. This was unfortunate when I received the following comment from a friend of the Facebook friend I was taking to…

“Harry Connor Jr. Firstly, look up Agenda 21, a globalist agenda being forced upon all nations under the Globalist Banking Cartel under the Illuminati. Only three more nations left to control, Iran, North Korea, and Cuba. Then research gender laws in progressive states worldwide. Go deep in your research. Start reading alternative news sources rather than the Globalist controlled MSM, aka “Fake News”, which is strong on Psy Ops and Agi Pro. I won’t explain all of these things as it is best if you do your own research. Also be aware that the big tech companies now control 99% of the data, and are censoring search in support of this Agenda 21. The Illuminatti is Luciferian to it’s core! Do all of this, if you dare! p.s. They are watching this thread (FB is a CIA front and a Globalist shill, (keywords and keyphrases), I can guarantee it!

I replied to the above input from Harry nicely “Okay, thanks Harry, I think you have answered all my questions” – and honestly I believe he did, mostly about Harry….

A strange interlude occurred during the above on line debate in that I met the person with the ‘vote no banner’ in real life shortly after – they had actually ‘complained’ that if I ever spoke to them in real life I may get to know them better. A fair comment I thought. I resolved to do that the next time I saw them in the vain of extending our Facebook friendship to the three dimensional world – maybe I would learn something.

So on the above occasion, when we did meet (in real life) I did…. I breached all electronic interconnectivity rules and said “Hello, how are you today”. I received a curt reply “Is that sarcasm”…. I said “Um, no, it was just hello?” They stopped talking to me and I did the same – I was starting to think I was in some sort of a no win trap here set by an social media evil genius. I was feeling outgunned so did something unusual and kept quiet….

I didn’t post any more on line and was just happy to let it all go for peace sake.

I logged on this morning and was devastated – I had been ‘defriended’ (not by Harry above) but by my Facebook friend. It did appear that I had overstepped the mark in real life by saying hello and as such had received the ultimate social slap in the face by being ‘DEFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK’ !!!!!!

Oh, the social shame and horror. There is a silver lining in that I suspect this action may be seen by those who do it as a result of failing to justify their arguments, opinions and ideas as a justification for those same arguments, opinions and ideas – irony and hypocrisy in one neat little package – but, who am I to judge. It is a sad social media truism that in this particular debate on same sex marriage it again has come down to using the ultimate social media ‘debate winning’ tools of:

Judging and vilifying people who you don’t agree with….
Using what is supposed to be one of the ‘most offensive words’ for a female, by a female…. (albeit by using a clever and dare I say mildly amusing meme…)
Defriending on Facebook….
But my favourite part of this entire process is the many likes, thumbs ups and supporting comments for the abuse and offensive language by those who up until that point had no input in the debate (other than Harry who did not stoop to abuse in the debate but at least presented his argument, albeit not something I would have correlated with this particular subject – I am going to contact him later, perhaps, about the ‘flat earth’ theory and those pesky fake Apollo moon missions….).

Social media is such a great place to share an opinion or a belief (or hopefully sometimes an idea)…. but, it must always be remembered that when you do this, what people may never have known about you, or perhaps may have only suspected, becomes obviously apparent by your post – and a lot of the time this may not be a good thing…..

‘Defriending’ people on social media is such an easy thing, just a click of the mouse. Being ‘defriended’ can sometimes sting a little bit, but then again, it is perhaps more of a reflection of that person, who most probably was never a real life ‘friend’ in the first place.

In the past I have ‘defriended’ people. In the two major occasions I have done this it has been in real life (I just had a thought in that I have never defriended anyone on Facebook – yeah I hide their news fed so I don’t have to listen to diatribe or self indulgence that brings a little bit of sick into my mouth – but I have never defriended anyone. I suspect because in doing so you perhaps give the situation more attention that what it’s worth, even though it is just one small mouse click away.)

I have had to tell someone they were not only not adding any value or joy to my life but I was troubled in that I believed they were making my life much worse and on one occasion even dangerous. I did it nicely and wished them well. I even say hello whenever the planets align and we are in the same space together – even have a chat and hope they are doing well.

Defriending and friending are perhaps a greater indication of us than them. Perhaps in the future I will spend a little more time cultivating my friendships – where ever they may be situated – instead of filling my time with the non-friends I do not yet have.

Better Father’s Day

Posted on 03/09/2017 by Ian

Let’s firstly start off believing that Father’s Day is not a complete commercial fabrication by the Media (there Merchants of Misery) and that it is a true and genuine recognition of all the wonderful Fathers out there…. okay, now with that done, what really is Father’s Day about.

Is it really just a day where Dad gets breakfast in bed and a new pair of socks – or better still a handmade pottery mug (it used to be an ashtray!) and a handmade card from the kids. Probably.

But, what about this Father’s Day, being a day for Dad to do something different.

Hey Dad, take this time to say one thing “I am a Dad, wow, how lucky am I.”

As a Dad, through some miracle of nature I got to be immortal – my DNA will go on forever and there will be people who will remember me for at least a generation or two. How lucky I am to have the privilege of being a Dad.

On Father’s Day everyone does a lot of thanking Dad, but on this Father’s day I just want to say thanks to my kids. I want to say thank you for the privilege of being a Dad.

Some days (not only on Father’s Day) I wake up and think to myself I still can’t believe I’m a Dad – and all my kids are in their 20’s. I sometimes, for no reason, get that little pang in my chest when I think of them for no reason (they are usually 100’s of km’s away at the time) – it is a flash thought about something they said or did, maybe years ago, or maybe last week, but it flashes into your mind and heart in an instant, and there is not feeling like it. And, we let it pass and get on with our day.

When that feeling comes again, stop! It doesn’t matter what you re doing, take that moment to have that real experience of being a Dad – that place in your heart that is filled with nothing else except the love for your children. It’s a magic moment that we take for granted, but comes from nothing else other than being a Dad.

For me Father’s Day is really all about being a Dad. Not by receiving thanks and presents from my kids, but my being the most grateful man in the world that I have the privilege of being a Dad…. I really still can’t believe it?

My kids are now out in the world making their way. And I am glad of it for them. It is their time now and they are out doing what every generation have done before them – the only difference is that it is my kids now.

I don’t mind when they don’t ring, I don’t mind when they still think home is a hotel and food is free and anything in the fridge is fair game. I don’t mind when they forget appointments, anniversaries, birthdays or can’t make it to family dinner – I genuinely don’t mind one little bit…. I miss them, but I don’t mind.

Sometimes when I just sit and listen to their stories about their lives and I offer no sage Fatherly advice, I just listen – that is the moment that matters.

Sometimes when I am cleaning out old draws and I find an old picture they drew in primary school (I think it is a cat, or maybe a cow – it could be a house) – that is the moment that matters.

Sometimes when I look at old pictures, when they were small and hugging me like I was the only person in the world – that is the moment that matters.

An all these moments fade into the distance because when they do remember, when they somehow get lost and stumble back home, when they ring because they need you or just want to tell you a story…. in the instance that the phone rings or I hear the knock on the door and it is them – that is the moment I cherish the most, that is the moment that matters.

Fathers Day to me is a day for me. It is a day were I take all of those moments, good and bad, and realise I am lucky, my kids are a miracle, and being a Dad is the best present my children have ever given me – and I wrapped it myself.

Happy Father’s Day.

Better Positive Language

Posted on 30/08/2017 by Ian

This post is a disaster – I’m positive! To save time go straight to the end.

I wrote an article a couple of years ago about the use of the term “Yes No” – okay it doesn’t sound like a term of speech but everybody was using it – have a read, click here.

I thought this phenomenon was over, well it is, I think, sort of, um, yes and no, yes no, well, pretty much…. Oh, God I have become one of ‘them.’

I would just occasionally like someone to use ‘positive language’ in answering my questions.

What do I mean by ‘positive language?’

I think the best way to explain it is to look at what it isn’t. Here are a few examples of the opposite to positive language answers:

Me to the mechanic “When will my car be ready”
The mechanic “It should be ready Friday”

Me at the bank “Are there any charges for this transaction.”
The bank teller “No, there shouldn’t be.”

Me in the supermarket “Can you tell me were the tomato sauce is please?”
Supermarket staff “I think it is in isle 5.”

Me to a mate at the pub “Is this illegal”
My (Ex) Mate “No, I don’t think so.”

Other great ‘key words’ are ‘probably‘ ‘maybe‘ ‘sometimes‘ ‘usually‘ etc etc

I am confused. Surely you know something or you don’t. Things either are or are not. Why do we give these answers and more importantly why do we accept them?

Is it because we are afraid to say “I don’t know” because that may actually entail us having to find out – or is it because we don’t care, on either side of the question?

I am sure some of these questions are more important that others…. e.g. “Are there peanuts in this?” or “Is this a live wire?” or “Are you allergic to this medication?”

However, surely if we get ourselves into a situation of asking questions and accepting answers in the realm of guessing the trivial can suddenly become important. Or, again do we care.

What is usually the purpose of asking a question? Is it to gain information or to abrogate responsibility?

I am beginning to think that as we walk around this earth, mostly quite oblivious to our purpose here, our ultimate destination unknown and our lives dictated by the media (the merchants of misery) we are getting to a point where the questions don’t really matter and the answers are even more irrelevant because in the end it will always be someone else fault anyway.

I also think that asking many of these questions and getting any definitive answer is a moot point, as we have already made our assumptions, formed our opinions and have our own beliefs that so influence the current situations that further information is only asked for and answers given to annoy us.

Let’s revisit the above questions with our assumed, believed and set opinions in the open:

Me to the mechanic “When will my car be ready?” (Thought: Why am I asking it will be a guess anyway and they are always late….)
The mechanic “It should be ready Friday.” (Thought: Fuck knows)

Me at the bank “Are there any charges for this transaction?” (Thought: The bank will rip me off anyway so why am I asking – how will I pay that electricity bill?)
The bank teller “No, there shouldn’t be.” (Thought: How would I know – you’re in a bank there are charges for breathing!)

Me in the supermarket “Can you tell me were the tomato sauce is please?” (Thought: I have a rough idea, I’m just too lazy to look…)
Supermarket staff “I think it is in isle 5.” (Thought: Fuck knows, I’m 15 and only been working here for a week…)

Me to a mate at the pub “Is this illegal” (Thought: I’m doing it anyway, I just need an excuse..)
My (Ex) Mate “No, I don’t think so.” (Thought: Of course it is you idiot… this is going to be great!)

Okay, probably not true in every case, but maybe a few.

It’s just that I think we ask questions about a lot of things, no caring about the answer but seeking reassurance that what I suspect is something I don’t have to worry about and if I ask the question I can blame someone else.

In addition when the shit does hits the fan I can say I asked and they said ‘Yes’ and they can deny it.

So, where does the responsibility actually lie – in the question or in the answer. I think both. Plus it doesn’t hurt to ask and it doesn’t hurt to say “sorry I don’t know.”

And, then there are just sometimes when we ask questions because the other person doesn’t know and we do….

Reader of this blog “What is this article trying to say?”
Me “I’m not really sure?”
Reader of this blog “But, surely you wrote it to get some point across?”
Me “Initially I did, then I got a bit lost as to what that point was. I think I
just wanted to have a whinge and for someone to listen?”
Reader of this blog “So what should I do now?”
Me “Probably get on with your life.”
Reader of this blog “I think I will.”
Me “I should too.”

We then watched Netflix for 4 hours and laughed at Youtube clips until we were board.

I had to leave and pick up the car – it was due last Thursday…..

PS: I have just re-read this blog, I didn’t get it. I read it to my wife and she said it was a complex concept and confusingly written – she is a good judge. I laughed at having wasted 30 minutes writing it and as such – just HAD to publish it immediately! My explanation of positive language I am sure has been a failure – I think! I am sure most haven’t read this far anyway!

Better the Glass Ceiling (or Floor?)

Posted on 02/08/2017 by Ian

I was chatting to a friend the other day who works in a professional capacity and she said that she probably wasn’t going to get any further promotions as she had ‘hit the glass glass ceiling…’ Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.19.20

Of course, as a man, I responded that as a woman she could have at least brought the Windex and given it a bit of a clean…. (I suppose that comment is one way to
get more hits on this post… and probably a couple in the face!)
So, what is this glass ceiling. Mr Google had a good definition:

“an unacknowledged barrier to advancement in a profession, especially affecting women and members of minorities”

Yeah, sounds right to me. So what are some strategies for breaking through this glass ceiling? Thanks again Mr Google:

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

Original article compliments Mindtools – click here to read full article

Identify the Key Competencies within Your Organisation

What are the values of your organization?
What behaviors does your company value and reward?
What type of person is promoted?

Set Objectives to Align Your Competencies With Top Management

Let your boss know that you want to work toward a higher-level position.
Ask your boss what skill areas you need to develop.
Work together with your boss to set goals and objectives, then monitor and measure your performance.

Build Your Network

Reach out to new people on a regular basis.
Get involved with cross-functional teams.
Expand your professional network outside of your organization. If you can’t break the glass ceiling in your company, you may have to look elsewhere for opportunities.

Find a Mentor

Is there someone in upper management you can approach to help you?
Will your boss be able to provide mentoring support?
Are there people with strong political power who can offer you assistance?

Build Your Reputation

Seek high-profile projects.
Speak up and contribute in meetings.
Share ideas with peers as well as people in higher positions.
Identify places where your reputation is not what you want it to be, and develop plans to change them.

Know Your Rights

Finally, watch for discriminatory behavior. Sometimes biases and stereotyping can cross the line into discrimination.

So there you are – SMASH, CRASH and you’re through the glass ceiling!

You have become ‘one of them’….. Yahoo, you are a success!

Why is that such a good thing? Is it the money? Is it the power? Is it just the principle?

Or, are you really one of them? What does that actually mean? Is it a good thing?

Why should you have to break through the glass ceiling? What are the people above the glass ceiling thinking? What have they got that you haven’t?

Or is the more important question ‘What are they missing that I have but they don’t recognise or appear to want?” – What we really say is “What is wrong with me.”

It has taken me half this post to get to the point. What is it? Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you!

This ‘glass barrier’ is being looked at all wrong. We below want to be those above but in doing so we give up something. What is it? We give up all the things that those above have given up to be there. We give up the knowledge that the barrier exists.

Yes. Ask anyone above the barrier of its existence. They say it’s a myth. Ask the CEO if his organisation has a class, gender, race etc etc barrier and he (or even she) will (unless somehow enlightened!) will say no. The strength of the glass ceiling is in the denial of its existence by all those above it.

The trick of the ‘glass ceiling’ is that it has taken a long time to create – not years, not decades, but centuries. It has become for those above it, so normal, that it is unnoticed and beyond their ability to comprehend.

Our roles were assigned long ago. The interesting and probably most perverse attribute of the ‘glass ceiling’ is that it is no longer just based on gender, race or a myriad of other physical, personal, social, religious, economic or race identifiers, but, on a mindset of entitlement.

Those above have it. It is not an understanding it is just something that you have. Those below don’t have it. They cant understand what it even is that they don’t have. But, when they break through the ‘glass ceiling’ they suddenly have it, that mindset. They just get it, they don’t understand it and realise that they don’t have to understand it – as a matter of fact most don’t even realise they don’t realise.

So getting above the glass ceiling is not done by smashing through it from below – because that is not what happens. You pass through the glass ceiling in a process of osmosis and suddenly you are above it and you are one of them – instantly – and standing on the still intact transparent floor below your feet.

The glass ceiling can not be broken from below. It must be stamped on by those above who realise that their entitlement is as transparent as the floor. It is the realisation that those below have talents, attributes, skills, knowledge, ideas, passions etc etc that can make a difference, a positive difference and create mutually beneficial situations for everybody…… it is something that we are all entitled to have, share and benefit from.

But, those above the glass ceiling must give up their entitlement. Not share it, as that just creates more entitled. The glass ceiling is not smashed but slid aside by those above and they reach down and lift those from below.

They greet them, welcome them.

They ask them what is their passion and what they want to do to make things better. They mentor them, guide them, train them, support them, protect them, back them, be honest with them….

And the glass ceiling which is actually made of entitlement and not prejudice is not broken but dissolved.

I wonder what that Board Meeting would look like?

Better Ideas in THE TANK

Posted on 23/07/2017 by Ian

My wife and I are both very communicative – in other words we talk a lot – we; mainly me. She reckons most of the time she talks I’m not listening anyway.

I loved a little anecdote I read about that on Facebook the other day which said “The best person to tell all your secrets to is your Husband – he won’t tell anyone because he wasn’t listening in the first place” – oh, how terribly so true!

But on the rare occasion we are listening and it ends in an argument is because:

We weren’t actually listening and misunderstood.
Our wife was breaking the cardinal rule – “You can tell me what to do, or how to do it, but not both.”
We actually don’t listen, don’t want to listen – we just want to give advice and fix the problem.
It’s about the kids and we are on the wrong side (e.g. whoever’s side we are on – with the kids or against them, it is the wrong side!)
It is about in-laws (see above point 4)
One of their girlfriends (see above point 4 and 5)
We are sharing ideas that have two different aspects:
1. It is my idea and it is the best idea in the world
2. It is your idea which is dumb and cost too much

It is the last point which I think is the most important. We all have about a million ideas a day – most we don’t share as the wife is sick of the next ‘sure thing get rich quick scheme’ – so you keep most of them to yourself – we do actually do a Google search and realise most of our brilliant ideas were discovered decades ago – but we live and dream in hope.

But…. maybe one of these ideas which can be about anything could be THE ONE. How do we get to talk about it and not end up in a “You shut up, No you shut up” never-ending time loop.

The answer is having THE TANK.

My wife and I love to drive and chat – the old adage, it is not the destination but the journey is true for us and we spend kilometre after kilometre discussing our lives, our families, our work and the danger subject of our ideas (which includes comments on existing situations, people, problems or plans). The kilometres would disappear as we chatted about everything – OR – each centimetre would seem like a kilometre for endless hours after the ‘ideas discussion’ degenerated into the argument about ….. well, most times, when you look back you can’t figure out what the argument was about.

So we invented THE TANK.

Any idea, any comment, any criticism, and accolade can go in THE TANK.

It is a place where you put them all to ferment, to rest, to age, to mingle with other ideas and you see what happens. Okay, this doesn’t sound like the epiphany moment where all things are solved but it is the place where they can be.

My wife and I will often start a conversation with “Tank, Tank what about we……”

Initially it was a lot of training through the formalities before we have gotten to the “Tank, Tank” introduction which initially started out (tentatively) through various conversations such as:

“I am going to go out and start looking a new cars this afternoon…. just putting that in The Tank?”

“I’m think so-and-so is a bloody idiot the way they spoke to me and are wrong…. Just in The Tank – what do you thing…. in The Tank.”

“Hey, in The Tank, I was thinking…..”

In addition it was underpinned by a few rules (which we started with and they splashed into The Tank):

Thou shall not judge – judging is the hand break to ideas
Thou shall not comment on someone else’s idea until they ask you to – negative comments stifle ideas
Thou shall not edit – be allowed to get it all out, tidy up later
Thou shall not execute – no detail, go big and broad first; the doing is later
Thou shall not worry – it hasn’t happened yet – its an idea
Thou shall not look backwards – learn from the past but don’t relive it
Thou shall not lose focus – stay focused on the problem (or if you are splashing out – splash out big!)
Thou shall not sap energy – don’t be the Six-Percenter
Write it down – a quick note saves the moment

It is amazing how conversations which were started with the wrong phrase, sentence, word, look which you can feel are increasing your blood pressure by the millisecond are flicked off in both the head and heart when it is concluded with “….. I just thought I’d put that in The Tank”

Okay, it sounds silly and we have all attempted the ‘password’ or ‘key phrase’ to avert relationship disaster which, in the moment when it was most needed and uttered, has actually been the trigger to degenerate the situation beyond what the password/key phrase was supposed to prevent!

However, The Tank is about ideas, solutions, wild suggestions, imagination, fantasy and that itch that won’t go away, which a lot of the time you wouldn’t say allowed because of its absurdity – but, in The Tank they get time to rest, to grow, to mix with other ideas… of course a lot of things just drown in The Tank – but, sometimes, actually more often than you would image, that piece of gold, that synergy of ideas and thought, that win-win solution, gently (or sometimes popping like a submarine rescue buoy) rise to the surface.

I suppose it is the ‘business brainstorming model for couples’ where the end result is not free cakes, coffee and a 45 minute session of the Boss telling you what is going to happen, but about making your individual life, your relationship, not only more peaceful, but more productive and occasionally mind bogglingly creative.

Sometimes being a better man is in accepting that the questions you are asking yourself all the time, privately, in your head may find a place to live in The Tank – you just have to be prepared to dive in.

Better at Birthdays (20454 days)

Posted on 01/05/2017 by Ian

Today is a funny day!

It is my Birthday which is 56 years ago, or more importantly 20,454 days.

Year One

Those are individual days where I got up (albeit the first few where I was as a helpless baby – because I was!), did stuff and then went to bed again…. that is a lot of 24 hour periods to do stuff.

The funny part is, that everyone of those days is now gone, forever. They are in the past. They can not be changed.

I have an App on my phone which counts days; you can set various ‘count downs’ or ‘count froms’ to figure out the exact number of days to any point in time. I was sitting there some time ago when I thought “I wonder how long I have left.” I guesstimated that if I live to 85, I would be pretty happy with that.

So…..

10,765 days left

I have about a third of the days left that I have already lived. A few years ago when I retired I did some similar maths. I worked out I spent about 14,006 days working (not counting days off and sickies!).

I have decided that Birthdays are great reminders, not of how many days we have spent on this earth, but working out how many days we may have left. Also, the most important question, how we are going to spend them. Who knows, I may have only 1 day left. But, if I do, how will I spend it?

I have decided that I will not spend that ONE DAY worrying about the previous 20,454 – I can’t change them. However, I can change the one I am living now; or if I am lucky the one I will live tomorrow.

Lots of people sent me Birthday wishes, for which I was really grateful. It reminded me of all the good people I have known, all the good times I have had, but, most of all it reminded me that they are still here, that we all have at least the rest of today, and if we are lucky tomorrow to enjoy.

Don’t all of us lament the fact that we have wasted a few days, perhaps a few years – but, why should that dictate tomorrow. The old adage that the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour…. that’s just bullshit. I refuse to have my life dictated by a past that can’t be changed. I will not allow it to dictate my future. This is not just bullshit, that is complete bullshit!

I will spend the next 10,765 days doing the things that matter the most in my life. Hopefully I will have a few more days than that. It has nothing to do with money or possessions (remember, you never see a trailer on a hearse). It has to do with knowing that this day, can actually be the best day of my life.

Life is really pretty simple.

Something to love, something worthwhile to do, something to look forward to…..

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Today to me, Happy Tomorrow to me!

Being A Better Man

Who never made a mistake, never made a discovery….

Category Archives: Better Now

Better Retired (1 Year) – Happy Birthday Mum

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Better swimming against the undercurrent of discontent….

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Better at just standing there…..

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Better an Alien Invasion

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Better Defriended

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Better Father’s Day

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Better Positive Language

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Better the Glass Ceiling (or Floor?)

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

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Better Ideas in THE TANK

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Better at Birthdays (20454 days)

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Breaking the Glass Ceiling

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