Category Archives: Better Mindfulness

Better at Being Grateful (9/21 Gratitude Challenge)

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Todays challenge was “To enjoy the people around you – take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities…”

Shit!  Another day of having to notice stuff right in front of me.

Wow!  I am writing this the morning after…2017-12-07 - _0001

Yesterday I tried, I really tried….

  1. I drove from our place in the country as I was looking forward to going down to Adelaide to see my mates at the shooting club.  I set off early, there was no traffic, I had plenty of time even though I knew there were a lot of road works.
  2. I made great time, not speeding and the road works were fine.  Virtually no traffic and I seemed to come up behind cars just before a passing lane and went through smoothly – the coffee Jo made me before I left was still hot a Blanchetown so I didn’t stop anywhere….
  3. I hit the traffic at Gawler, but was on the northern expressway and then Pt Wakefield road and it was all cool – I was ahead of schedule…
  4. I thought I would just stop at McDonalds (as Jo wasn’t in the car!) and get a quick bite to eat – I was ahead of schedule.
  5. Pulled in, first car in the line, simple order, go to pay.  They get my change wrong – that’s okay – “No, I gave you $21.20 and it was $11.20 so that’s $10.00 change” – blank look as I hand back $8.80 – “didn’t you give me a $10.00?” – “Would that mean my meal was $1.20” – blank look with hand open showing change.  Much pressing of buttons on the till.  “What did you give me again?” “I gave you a twenty dollar note, a dollar coin and a 20 cent coin – $21.20, the meal was $11.20, thats $10.00 change.” – blank look, reaches out takes money from my hand. Much pressing of buttons on till – car behind beeps horn – girl with blank look hands me $10.00 (does not speak) – I say “Thanks, sorry about the confusion.”  – blank look “Welcome, to McDondal’s can I take….”  I drive to the next window.Screen Shot 2017-12-10 at 11.13.30
  6. In the 10 metre drive – I try to be Zen, greet the morning sun, this is not important…. peace, tranquility, zen master entering my head…. breath….
  7. Next window – another blank face – hands me a bag and a drink “Here’s your order” – “Thanks” I say to empty window.  Check order – wrong burger – waiting for coffee.  Blank face comes to window “‘you right” (the phrase I hate the most in the world) – smile “My burger is wrong and I ordered a coffee.”  blank face – takes bag.  Returns a millennium later – person behind beeps horn – bag handed to me “I ordered a coffee as well?” – blank face – empty window.  I smile – it don’t mean nothin’…..  blank face returns to window – can you go to the parking bay please – “No” “What” “No” – person behind beeps, puts head out window yells “Go to the parking bay…”  She looks like a nice lady with kids.  I can now see the cars encircling the entire McDonalds.  Person behind beeps.  Blank face at window “If you can go to the parking bay we’ll bring your coffee over.” Why argue, “Okay” – blank face disappears – I don’t move.  Nice lady behind beeps and gives me the finger. Blank face appears, coffee appears “Thanks” “Have a good one” “Sorry?” “Have a good one” “What, coffee?” “What?” “What?” “No, have a good one” “Good what” “What” – I drive off this could go on all day – I am now late….
  8. I drive to the club to se my mates, I am late, but they make me laugh and when I tell them the McDonalds story they will tell me to lighten up and take the piss out of me – a good day!
  9. The Club is a sty.  I have to go into 4WD to get up the track, the trees are so over gown it is like driving through a big green flapping brush carwash, I park randomly like everyone else, I go to the club, it makes a sty look neat, weeds, peeling paint, rubbish, overgrown.  They have already started and I miss the first part of the shoot.  I get ready and come to the line.  Someone says are you grumpy, you look grumpy, did you just drive down.  I get ready and go to shoot.
  10. I step to the line, “Fire”  I can’t see the target, I am shooting high – I run out of time and only shoot half by rounds.  I go to the target which is mostly blank, I still can’t focus – I am wearing the wrong glasses – I check my gun and I haven’t adjusted the sights..  I don’t write down my score which is not in double digits anyway.
  11. I pick on the committee members present for the rest of the day about the state of the club, what’s happening in a number of other club matters and generally am grumpy (as identified earlier and denied…) – I am relentless.  I feel bad after the shoot and I am sorry and say so to my mates – it is too late.  I feel bad.
  12. I leave early after the shoot (I am just leaving and have a long chat with an older member of the club who is 20 years my senior but I have been mates with for 30 years – he is such a good block – makes me feel bad…)  I leave as I was going to stay down and catch up with other mates tonight….  I drive to the Riverland.  Even a stop at Bunnings on the way doesn’t help.  I ring friends and cancel plans for tonight and apologise – I tell them all the story about my day – I am boring myself after the second phone call.  I eat fatty food at the servo on the way.  I drive at the speed limit, don’t pass when I can, but just go slower.
  13. I get home (I have already told my wife about my day) my wife greets me and says lets just have nice night – Frozen is on TV and seeing everyone says it’s so great and we’ve never seen it lets watch it.  Great I say!
  14. We watch it – it is rubbish and even Jo says so.  I read, Jo goes to bed and I follow before midnight for once.  I just want this day to be over.

Nobody died today, but I am glad it is over.  It wasn’t a disastrous day – it was just like the Chiko roll sitting in my guts for 100 km – unpleasant with the feeling of a little bit of sick sitting constantly in the back of your throat.

So my challenge today:

“To enjoy the people around you – take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities…”

I appreciate one thing and one thing only.  That seeing this is not the first time I have Screen Shot 2017-12-10 at 11.27.15been a relentless pain in the arse, that these people are still my friends – I am undeservedly grateful for this.  Thanks (and sorry again!)

I’m going to watch a video I have referenced at lot again:

This is Water David Foster Wallace

Better at Being Grateful (8/21 Gratitude Challenge)

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Send thank you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition.

Well, obviously I am not reading too far ahead in the ‘Gratitude Challenge Calendar’ as I spent most of the day before yesterday calling people and sending letters, cards and notes.  Seems like I almost deserve a day off being grateful and sit around being pissed off about… well, everything!

But a promise is a promise and the most important ones are the ones we make to ourselves….

So I have decided to write ‘thank you notes’ to 5 people who I am grateful for in changing major aspects of my life.  No, this is not even about my family, friends acquaintances  – this is about the celebrities!!!  Which reminds me of an ongoing bitch I may have mentioned before when people say who was the most influential person in your life and people invariably say “My Mum/Dad’ – to me this is so lame – of course our Mum or Dad are the most influential to all of us – but what about the people that you choose to be great influences over your life, not the ones that are common to all of us and were thrust upon us, for better or worse – most don’t think that much….

So I have chosen dead people to write my little thank you notes to….

That way I can just write them here and hope that they are reading them… not over my shoulder as that would be a bit creepy, but more in a sense of knowing that they left a legacy, even if some of their influence over the years for me has changed – which is a good thing.  Or, as importantly what I thought was the truth was only the truth insofar as it led me to find my own truth – they were the catalyst for me understanding, or the kick start on the way to wanting to understand, or occasionally, even in the past, helping me be more grateful….

Albert Einstein
The greatest quotes of all times.  My favourite (okay one of them) is: Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
What I learned from Albert and I am am most grateful for – Genius doth not make the man. Thanks.

Emiliano Zaparta
Emiliano’s most famous for the quote “it is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.”  I believed this for a long time, and fought to stay on my feet.  It was a good quote to teach me a lesson – living is better than the alternative, and often surrender is the better option versus dying.  By the way, Emiliano died on his feet, is almost forgotten and the above quote has been attributed to others.

What I learned from Emiliano and I am most grateful for – dying for a cause is probably a stupid death. Thanks.

Gordon Livingston
(This one is a bit of a cheat as he is still alive…. but, Im saving a dollar and not writing to him in the real world…)  I found his book “Too soon old, to late smart.”  This man has insight, wisdom and the scars to prove he earned it.

What I learned from the good Doctor and I am am most grateful for – His book “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart.” was one of the catalysts to me being a better man.  Thanks.

Sun Tzu
He died a long time ago and was a warrior of renown who’s legacy live 500 years after his death.  He was a ruthless killer who’s philosophies have been adapted to modern business teachings and strategies – scary really.  He teachings have merit – but, no war does (see Emiliano above).  I read his book and a lot of associated notes occasionally just to make sure I understand them, not in war, but in peace.

What I learned from Sun and I am most grateful for – knowing when to fight is the most important thing (and from his readings I read ‘The Art of Peace’ by Morihei Ueshiba). Thanks.

Nelson Mandela
(Woops, you’re not dead yet either…. oh, yes you are, I just checked! – Lucky!)
I learned that the Government of the day make the laws and if you decide to overthrow them through violence you go to jail for 27 years.  Then you get out, the world has changed and you become President of a country and a great leader…  Why?  Because during those 27 years you changed – you accepted your fate and tried to understand it.

What I learned the most from Nelson and I am most grateful for – knowing that people can really change and past behaviour is NOT a definitive indication of future behaviour.  He also gave me the poem ‘Out of the Night that covers Me’ – which he read not wrote!  Thanks.

 

 

 

 

Better Retired (1 Year) – Happy Birthday Mum

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Well where did that year go. Where did my ‘gap year’ go – did it start.

So a year ago I retired from the Police after 38 years – coincidentally it was on my Mum Gloria’s birthday.  She has been gone now for almost 3 years.

Nothing is permanent.c994218c9dd900cc2722235c2ed5bd5a--retirement-sayings-retirement-cards

We live our lives oblivious to the only one true inevitability – death.

On my final day in the Police there were a few things I wish I had done.  I wonder how big that list will be on my last day alive?

What if that day is today?
On my last day in the Police people asked me how I felt – I said relieved.  I felt the weight of responsibility lift from my shoulders.  Now this was a responsibility I had sworn to uphold (it was an oath I took pretty seriously) and I hoped on occasions I went beyond the call of duty.  Often it wasn’t a duty, it was really an honour.
On my last day on this planet (working on the fact that I will live to be 85 – I have 10423 days left) I wonder if I will think that I had spent my time well.  I wonder if each of those days I have left I will spend well.  As the poem goes, I wonder if I would have spent the Top-5-regrets-for-EL-Mag-VFdash between the date of my birth and the date of my death well.

In thinking, have I spent the last year, my first year of retirement, well.  Firstly, I suppose, I have to define well?  Is it doing what I want to make me happy; doing something that is meaningful; doing things for others – is it all of these things.  And if it is any of them, how do I measure it.

So, I am on the last day of the first year of my retirement – let’s pretend that it is not that day, but a day 10423 days into the future.

So, it is the future, 1st May 2046 and it is my last day and that day is today – I have a few hours left what should I do?  Lets go through the list of what I have been doing and decide what will make the final hours bucket list…..

  • Watching TV (especially Survivor!) – NO
  • Reading or Watching the News – NO  (I actually stopped doing that a few years ago…)
  • Shopping – NO  (what do I need in these final hours – what have I ever actually needed?)
  • Visiting Friends – Some are so far away (and I haven’t spoken to them for so long?)
  • Write Thank You and Sorry Letters – NO  (Wow that’s a long list, do I have time left?)
  • Visit the Kids – NO  (They are so busy – and I know you only miss your folks after they are gone…)
  • Arguing over bills, or money, or politics or religion – who would I argue with?  How would me winning any argument change my last day on earth?
  • Spend it with my Wife – I spend everyday with her, I tell her I love her every day, don’t I?
  • Spend it with Me – But, I know me don’t I (wouldn’t that be a waste of time?)

 

The clock is ticking and I don’t know what to do: there just isn’t enough time to finish everything and do all the important things.  I can’t even work out what the important things are!  I just keep thinking about all the things I have done (regrets and triumphs) and all the things I wont get to do.  I am sitting there as the minutes turn into hours and my final day on earth is disappearing and I haven’t achieved anything meaningful all day…..

Unfortunately all the ‘NOWS’ in my life have become yesterdays or unfulfilled dreams of the future.  What the fuck happened to everyone one of those 2,682,374,400 seconds – I just lived…. tick, tick, tick…. they just seemed to disappear in the noise of my life.

Now it is quiet and I have those final minutes, those final seconds…. what am I thinking….

But, as that clock tick’s those final seconds, each one is NOW: in each one I am alive and I get to truely experience it, the miracle of it, the absolute joy of that one moment….

As that last second ticks, I realise that I had 2,682,374,399 of them, that I may have
missed – glad I noticed that last one.

Back to the present – Lucky for me I actually have 900,547,200 left!IMG_4828

So, today, after 31,536,000 seconds of retirement: 89,683,200 seconds since Mum went to a better place; today on Mum’s Birthday, my ‘retirement day’ I am going to notice each one of those seconds.

I am going to be aware of me, of my life and that, in itself, is a miracle, a joy, and is in fact, right now!

Happy Retirement Day Ian – Happy Birthday Mum.  x

 

Better an Alien Invasion

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I was chatting with a friend this morning and we were talking about an old 1938 radio play based on HG Wells “War of the Worlds”.  The play was structured like rolling news broadcasts of an alien invasion.  It created panic as people believed it was true (just toScreen Shot 2017-09-25 at 11.09.16 AM note, even during the news broadcast there were advertisements – which people apparently didn’t think was strange that they were being advised of a new dish washing liquid as the world was coming to an end?!).

We also started chatting about how most science fiction movies show that we are only invaded by completely incompetent aliens who we usually manage to defeat in a week or two!  Always remembering that these aliens have managed to travel across light years of space to invade us, in technology beyond our dreams, yet we manage to defeat them by putting a computer virus into their systems, with a X Box – usually by a 10 year old and his tear-away class mates.

It troubles me that we would consider any invasion by aliens to be by dumb aliens when we look around ou own planet.

I think any alien invasion would only go in a couple of ways:

  1. They would wipe us out from space and land after the dust settles and claim the planet now devoid of life.15afea01c456f2730ac033504404180c--aliens-music
  2. They would fly straight past (like we do when looking for a motel in a small country
    town on our holiday…) commenting – “We’re not staying in that shit hole!”
  3. If they were really benevolent aliens wanting us to join the intergalactic community, they would land, attempt to have a chat with us, and then fly off commenting “What a bunch of fuck heads!”

I can’t see our first contact going too many other ways.  We are basically belligerent children all arguing over toys we don’t need, but just want, so no-one else can have them.

I think it is strange that we, the human race, would think that any intergalactic alien race would want to be our friends…

What have we go to offer as a ‘new friend’.  I would imagine after a few weeks of being the new aliens friends they would be talking to there old galactic mates, behind our backs at the interstellar bar saying things like:

Screen Shot 2017-09-25 at 11.30.18 AMYeah I know, have you been to their house, it’s a shit hole.  They never clean up, there’s always shit everywhere and they just dump their rubbish out the back.

 

I can’t stand it.  They are always fighting, and it’s usually about sharing and who has the most toys.

 

Screen Shot 2017-09-25 at 11.30.18 AM

At parties they always take the biggest bit of cake, and it’s usually the fat ones who do it.

 

Have you had them over.  Mostly they arrive when they are not invited, they never bring anything except a bad attitude;  they start a fight, usually wreck the place and Screen Shot 2017-09-25 at 11.30.18 AMleave us to clean up.

 

Has anyone met their mate Someone, or They?  Apparently these two blokes are the cause of all their troubles and fuck everything up.

I think if I was an alien I wouldn’t want us as a mate.

If it was me, I’d drive on by or nuke the place from space.

PS:  I was thinking that was a pretty negative note to end on so I have reconsidered.  I hope when they arrive they conduct individual job interviews for entry into the galactic community – it would be interesting to see who gets a job and who is left behind?  Seeing Nibiru (the mystery planet) didn’t arrive on the 23rd, and the world didn’t end 5 years ago in 2012, I suppose we all have a little bit of time to build our individual resumes…

 

 

 

 

 

Better Ideas in THE TANK

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My wife and I are both very communicative – in other words we talk a lot – we; mainly me. She reckons most of the time she talks I’m not listening anyway.

I loved a little anecdote I read about that on Facebook the other day which said “The best person to tell all your secrets to is your Husband – he won’t tell anyone because he wasn’t listening in the first place” – oh, how terribly so true!

But on the rare occasion we are listening and it ends in an argument is because:

  1. We weren’t actually listening and misunderstood.
  2. Our wife was breaking the cardinal rule – “You can tell me what to do, or how to do it, but not both.”
  3. We actually don’t listen, don’t want to listen – we just want to give advice and fix the problem.34ef47b7011b1b758e89e1aa164b1220--social-networks-social-media-marketing
  4. It’s about the kids and we are on the wrong side (e.g. whoever’s side we are on – with the kids or against them, it is the wrong side!)
  5. It is about in-laws (see above point 4)
  6. One of their girlfriends (see above point 4 and 5)
  7. We are sharing ideas that have two different aspects:
    1. It is my idea and it is the best idea in the world
    2. It is your idea which is dumb and cost too much

It is the last point which I think is the most important. We all have about a million ideas a day – most we don’t share as the wife is sick of the next ‘sure thing get rich quick scheme’ – so you keep most of them to yourself – we do actually do a Google search and realise most of our brilliant ideas were discovered decades ago – but we live and dream in hope.

But…. maybe one of these ideas which can be about anything could be THE ONE. How do we get to talk about it and not end up in a “You shut up, No you shut up” never-ending time loop.

The answer is having THE TANK.

My wife and I love to drive and chat – the old adage, it is not the destination but the journey is true for us and we spend kilometre after kilometre discussing our lives, our families, our work and the danger subject of our ideas (which includes comments on existing situations, people, problems or plans). The kilometres would disappear as we chatted about everything – OR – each centimetre would seem like a kilometre for endless hours after the ‘ideas discussion’ degenerated into the argument about ….. well, most times, when you look back you can’t figure out what the argument was about.

So we invented THE TANK.tankhedt

Any idea, any comment, any criticism, and accolade can go in THE TANK.

It is a place where you put them all to ferment, to rest, to age, to mingle with other ideas and you see what happens. Okay, this doesn’t sound like the epiphany moment where all things are solved but it is the place where they can be.

My wife and I will often start a conversation with “Tank, Tank what about we……”

Initially it was a lot of training through the formalities before we have gotten to the “Tank, Tank” introduction which initially started out (tentatively) through various conversations such as:

“I am going to go out and start looking a new cars this afternoon…. just putting that in The Tank?”

 

“I’m think so-and-so is a bloody idiot the way they spoke to me and are wrong…. Just in The Tank – what do you thing…. in The Tank.”

 

“Hey, in The Tank, I was thinking…..”

In addition it was underpinned by a few rules (which we started with and they splashed into The Tank):

  1. Thou shall not judge – judging is the hand break to ideas
  2. Thou shall not comment on someone else’s idea until they ask you to – negative comments stifle ideas
  3. Thou shall not edit – be allowed to get it all out, tidy up later
  4. Thou shall not execute – no detail, go big and broad first; the doing is later
  5. Thou shall not worry – it hasn’t happened yet – its an idea
  6. Thou shall not look backwards – learn from the past but don’t relive it
  7. Thou shall not lose focus – stay focused on the problem (or if you are splashing out – splash out big!)
  8. Thou shall not sap energy – don’t be the Six-Percenter
  9. Write it down – a quick note saves the moment

It is amazing how conversations which were started with the wrong phrase, sentence, word, look which you can feel are increasing your blood pressure by the millisecond are flicked off in both the head and heart when it is concluded with “….. I just thought I’d put that in The Tank”

Okay, it sounds silly and we have all attempted the ‘password’ or ‘key phrase’ to avert relationship disaster which, in the moment when it was most needed and uttered, has actually been the trigger to degenerate the situation beyond what the password/key phrase was supposed to prevent!

However, The Tank is about ideas, solutions, wild suggestions, imagination, fantasy and WildIdeas_Mainimgthat itch that won’t go away, which a lot of the time you wouldn’t say allowed because of its absurdity – but, in The Tank they get time to rest, to grow, to mix with other ideas… of course a lot of things just drown in The Tank – but, sometimes, actually more often than you would image, that piece of gold, that synergy of ideas and thought, that win-win solution, gently (or sometimes popping like a submarine rescue buoy) rise to the surface.

I suppose it is the ‘business brainstorming model for couples’ where the end result is not free cakes, coffee and a 45 minute session of the Boss telling you what is going to happen, but about making your individual life, your relationship, not only more peaceful, but more productive and occasionally mind bogglingly creative.

Sometimes being a better man is in accepting that the questions you are asking yourself all the time, privately, in your head may find a place to live in The Tank – you just have to be prepared to dive in.

 

Better at Chick Flicks

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I am a bit of a movie buff and have a rather man tendency to watch war movies, science fiction and anything that doesn’t involve a teenage love story, or for that matter any sort of love story – period movies set in old manors are also right out – animated moviesScreen Shot 2017-07-18 at 9.00.26 AM are banned (I confess never having watched Frozen!).

My wonderful wife also loves movies, but, these mainly consist of the ‘chick flick’ genre – please kill me!

Just recently we have got Netflix.

In the furtherance of a happy marriage we have agreed that on some occasions we will have ‘the wife’s choice’ as the evening – or as we are retired, sometimes the afternoon movie.

On wife’s choice day I usually sit down with an internal moan (often not so internal) and fortify myself with some sort of alcoholic beverage to dull the pain of the impending love triangle, family tragedy or young love coming to maturity….

I might have got a few recent surprises….

NOTE:  I am NOT now nor will I ever be a chick flick devotee but sometimes…. just sometimes….

The other day we watched a movie called ‘Radio’ – yeah, I know, never heard of it.  To cut a nice story short it is almost not a chick flick as it is about sport and the adoption of a young local man by the team – bloody hell, I got a bit teary in the first 10 minutes and knew this was going to be a test of sarcasm – e.g. ‘that’s not very realistic’ ‘ people don’t really behave like that’ etc etc

However, those blurts of disgust never came as this story, this chick flick was actually a true story and constantly demonstrated being nice always beats not being nice – yeah it was a totally unrealistic chick flick with a happy ending – BUT, it was a true story and at the end (just to tear the final remnants of your heart our through your chest) they introduce you to the real people the movie was about….

Screen Shot 2017-07-18 at 9.01.04 AMWill I sit down and watch a chick flick versus something involving automatic weapons or laser canons…. unlikely.  But, just sometimes I may think that a movie about the human spirit can be watched without drinking spirits, change me just a little, for the better, and perhaps make me realise that there are a lot of better men, good men, out there that makes my continued quest to be a better man worth every teary tissue moment sitting next to my wonderful wife.

PS:  Okay I followed up ‘Radio’ with ‘Lion’ – but that’s another story about the terrible waste of using an entire box of tissues in an hour!

Better at Birthdays (20454 days)

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Today is a funny day!

It is my Birthday which is 56 years ago, or more importantly 20,454 days.

Year One

                          Year One

Those are individual days where I got up (albeit the first few where I was as a helpless baby – because I was!), did stuff and then went to bed again….  that is a lot of 24 hour periods to do stuff.

The funny part is, that everyone of those days is now gone, forever.  They are in the past.  They can not be changed.

I have an App on my phone which counts days;  you can set various ‘count downs’ or ‘count froms’ to figure out the exact number of days to any point in time.  I was sitting there some time ago when I thought “I wonder how long I have left.”  I guesstimated that if I live to 85, I would be pretty happy with that.

So…..

10,765 days left

I have about a third of the days left that I have already lived.  A few years ago when I retired I did some similar maths. I worked out I spent about 14,006 days working (not counting days off and sickies!).

I have decided that Birthdays are great reminders, not of how many days we have spent on this earth, but working out how many days we may have left.  Also, the most important question, how we are going to spend them.  Who knows, I may have only 1 day left.  But, if I do, how will I spend it?

I have decided that I will not spend that ONE DAY worrying about the previous 20,454 – I can’t change them.  However, I can change the one I am living now; or if I am lucky the one I will live tomorrow.

Lots of people sent me Birthday wishes, for which I was really grateful.  It reminded me of all the good people I have known, all the good times I have had, but, most of all it reminded me that they are still here, that we all have at least the rest of today, and if we are lucky tomorrow to enjoy.

Don’t all of us lament the fact that we have wasted a few days, perhaps a few years – but, why should that dictate tomorrow.  The old adage that the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour….  that’s just bullshit.  I refuse to have my life dictated by a past that can’t be changed. I will not allow it to dictate my future.  This is not just bullshit, that is complete bullshit!

Now!

I will spend the next 10,765 days doing the things that matter the most in my life.  Hopefully I will have a few more days than that.  It has nothing to do with money or possessions (remember, you never see a trailer on a hearse).  It has to do with knowing that this day, can actually be the best day of my life.

Life is really pretty simple.

Something to love, something worthwhile to do, something to look forward to…..

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Today to me, Happy Tomorrow to me!

Better at Dealing with Bullies (nail me to a Cross)

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I haven’t got a real way in dealing better with bullies, but felt the need to write about them.

I suppose using the same methodology as ‘Dealing with Dickheads’ may work (click here to read my post Dealing with DickhScreen Shot 2017-04-17 at 8.59.38 AMeads) but bullies are a fairly different category – or are they.

The reason I was thinking about bullies, is that it is Easter Sunday and this is supposed to be a significant moment in the religious calendar – but why?  Is it significant because a man allegedly came back from the dead – or is it a better moment because bullies nailed him to a cross.  Or, is it a more significant moment because throughout history religions have been the biggest bullies.

What do bullies do – they pick on the weak.

What do religions do – they pick the weak and make them slaves….

I’m having problems deciding which is worse.  Is it better to get a quick punch in the face from a bully and hopefully move on – or get sent on a life long guilt trip and never move on.

I have been spending a few Sunday mornings with the Jehovahs Witnesses – they are very nice people.  I am fascinated by their contetion that the Bible is the ‘word’ of God and not the word of man.  I have read their stuff which apparently contains evidence.  Now being an old Detective, it would appear that their understanding of evidence differs from mine.  The evidence I see regarding the Bible is, that it is the worlds most popular book (I haven’t checked if the Harry Potter series knocked it off top spot – if it did, this would be a sadder indictment on humanity than slavery to the Bible) and it falls into a category of books that has changed humanity – for the better, sometimes I think not.

Is the Bible actually the greatest selling bully manual.  Thou shalt not, just about everything, and if thou doth do, thy arse will burn forever.  Not real up lifting stuff.  It has a few good bits and some reasonable instruction on how to get on with thy brother and thy sister (so long as thy brother doth not want to marry another brother) and about being kind to the little children.  But, aren’t these instructions the natural order of things, in that fundamentally, we want to look after each other.   Me, actually thinks not.

I recently read a book (not the Bible) called:

The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes – and Why

I read this book as I was having a discussion with a mate about the apocalypse…. as per usual.  I said I didn’t believe all these apocalypse movies where the warlords would take over the world and it would be everyman, woman and child for themselves.  So, they said read this book – and I did.

It works out that in a survival situation, if it is ‘everyman for themselves’ the majority of survivors, 90 to 100%, will die.  Yet, in a survival situation where everybody works together, they look after the weak and vulnerable and share resources, between 90 and 100% will survive (for a great example of this read about Shackleton and his arctic expedition).

However, in over 90% of survival situations, it is everyman for themselves – it is almost certain that most will die – yet this is what we choose.

Perhaps human nature is not inherently good…..?

I have been a bully most of my life – mainly because my enemies have been so insipid.  Were are the ‘men’ of today, where are the true Statesmen (read my take on this – click here) where are the ‘saviours’ that get us all to work together so that most of us survive – I think the majority of them get nailed to crosses…

We cut down tall poppies, the virtuous, the good and the generous because we can, because to stand with them is hard, but to run off and look after ourselves is easy – even though by doing so we are almost ensuring our own death.

But of course I’m not one of those people, you are not one of those people….. it is them, or they, or anybody but us.  After all we always give to charity, always let that driver cut in front of us in traffic, let that person in front of us in line, volunteer our time to those that need it, support local causes, world causes, feed the hungry and shelter the homeless – of course we do all of these things.  Bullshit.  It is me for me and don’t get in my way, I’ll get angry, I’ll actually get cross and then nail you to it.

All sounds a bit bleak doesn’t it…. yet, we celebrate the story of a guy getting nailed to a cross and then coming back to life.  We eat some chocolate eggs to celebrate this, we have a few days off work, eat fish on the Friday and chocolate on the Sunday and all drive back home in maddening traffic on the Monday where we don’t let people in and think everybody on the road is an idiot except me.

On Tuesday we don’t think of the guy on the cross anymore, we feel the weight of the chocolate we ate more than the pain of a few nails through the hands.  We listen to the media (the Merchants of Misery) and they tell us the world is the same as before.

The bullies drop bombs on civilians, push over small children in playgrounds and film the entire thing for loading up to Youtube.

So after all that, I haven’t found a way to deal with bullies.  I haven’t found a way to deal with the church or religion.  I haven’t found a way to convince and atheist there is a God or  the believers to relinquish their faith.

Maybe being a better man sometimes is not about finding ways to fix things, but just accepting them.  Maybe the best way to deal with bullies is to ensure that you are not one.

 

Better Dancers – in Death, Thank God We Can’t Hear the Music

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I haven’t written a post for a while as I have been busy – not with life, as that is always there, and always gets in the way.  I have been busy with a support group called the 801 Group.

It is a support group for Police in South Australia, their family, friends and colleagues who suffer from PTSD, stress, anxiety and depression.  I have written a few posts about it in the past.

The group started about 18 months ago with a few of us getting together and having a coffee and a chat.  We went into the wider world and started a Facebook Page which slowly grew although attendance at the meetings waxed and waned but rarely into double figures.

During those meetings we shared horrible, tragic, frightening stories; and we looked in each others eyes and knew we were, finally understood.  We supported each other, received a few phone calls from others (a lot actually, if you count Facebook personal messages) who just could not make it to the meetings.  Most couldn’t make it to the meetings because they were psychologically too damaged, to embarrassed or no one else knew they were suffering (many were taking annual leave instead of telling anyone of there battles).

I was one of the founders of the group and did it because I didn’t want any more cops to have nowhere to go.  I didn’t want anymore cops to suicide – if just hurt my heart too much (even when I didn’t know them).

Our little group (ignored by the South Australia Police who sent us a nice letter saying they acknowledged we existed but they had their own stuff – and the Police Association of South Australia who printed a letter from us in their Journal and then said they wouldn’t give us their ‘imprimatur’ – if I here that fucking word one more time I will scream – plus PASA had their own stuff, their own long game, wait and see we are talking to the Government….. blah, blah, fucking blah!)…. meanwhile our little group met and did what we could for each other.

Out little Facebook page wandered along, picking up a member or two – we actually celebrated a few days ago as we had reach 250 members…

Then it happened again.  A well liked, active, dedicated young cop killed himself.

I have to say it.  Every time, every-fucking-time, it happens, I cry.

I retired 5 months ago, it’s not my problem, I don’t want to go on a crusade, I don’t want to fight ‘city hall’, I want a peaceful life in the country…..

But….  I cry, every-fucking-time the blue ribbon appears on the Facebook page, every time I hear the story when they ring me (again!) about another Cop who ‘topped’ themselves, I cry.

We lost Sharynne Grant such a short time ago.

We lost Ashley Meeks a few days ago.

I think PASA and SAPOL lost their humanity a lot longer ago.

And now it begins.

The media (the fucking Merchants of Misery) go into a frenzy, not to report on a tragedy but to get an angle that no one else has, so they can sell it and get ratings, page clicks or sell papers…..

SAPOL takes the company line and have a really important ‘Commissioner’s Enquiry’ for a few months, form a new project team to do another project, introduce a new support scheme…..

PASA blames low numbers, they blame SAPOL, they blame the government (but not to much) they have a new enquiry, fuck that we’ll have a national enquiry; beat that little State SAPOL, we have the Police Federation of Australia – hear that…. National Enquiry mate, fucking National..!!!

And they dance and they talk, and they promise, and recommend, and sell and sell and sell.  And they sell that they understand and they will fix it and they are on our side….

And they sell the message, the party line, the government policy, the non-committal heartfelt sentiments of our caring leader – and they sell and they sell ……

And when the dust settles and the sales are over, we look and realise, the only thing that has been sold, is us – we have been sold out!

And a few days ago the blue ribbon started to appear again.  I cried before I even knew who it was even before I logged in – not again, not fucking again!

So I sat at my little desk, to check how the 801 Facebook page was going – how my mates were going, and thought I better get a meeting together (as they had stopped a few months ago because there wasn’t enough of us to organise them…), I flicked on the screen, logged on and found that 2700 people had joined our site in 48 hours.

Yes, 2700 (2953 total membership at its peak to be exact).

I cried.  I was overwhelmed.  I learned of Ashley Meeks (who I did know) and I thought of him now dead, seeing his mates rally.

But the rally was one of pain, of fucking heartbreak and the sadness that hurts your heart like nothing else.

And I read the posts and I cried, most of the time.

Hundreds, no thousands, in the Police family were pouring their hearts out, disclosing horror, upon horror, upon horror – some people had to leave the site (and I get it – I would be gone if I didn’t run it and have a few backing me up!) because it hurt them too much, or reminded them to much, just reading the stories.

And there was anger, and sadness and the loudest rally cry I had heard in the Police for years….. a call from the heart, a call to stop this horror….

….But, within the rally cry I started to notice something else, not from the rallying members, but from somewhere else….

I started hearing in the background, the faintest sound of music….. and slowly, but surely, the music got louder, until, at exactly the right cue, the fucking bullshit dancers (some were even marienettes this time – a nice twist!) appeared….  and started dancing the same old fucking dance again….

And I cried.

I shut down my Facebook page, I turned off my phone, said “Fuck ’em” and hugged my wife, who said “I love you, are you going to be okay”  and I said “Yeah, it was never me I was worried about” and she said “Yeah, I know”.

So, I wrote this.  On my blog – for me, for Ash and Sharynne – because even though I only personally knew one of them…. I miss both of them so badly…

I have heard the call for being positive, for not slagging SAPOL or PASA or the GOVERNMENT, for working collaboratively, for sitting around in bean bags and singing kumbaya and talking about our feelings…..

… and all the time I hear the music and see the dancers dancing ….

I’m going to bed.  Hopefully I won’t dream.

Better Aussie Battlers

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In 1973 an average house in Adelaide would cost you $16,250 – and the average wage was $111.80 a week ($5800 a year) – average rents were $10 a week – a new Holden Kingswood was $2730.00.Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 4.15.20 PM

In 2014 the average house in Adelaide would cost about $450,000 – and the average wage was 1453.90 ($75,000 a year) per week – average rent are about $400.00 – a new
Holden Commodore was $35,000.

To put it simply, the price of houses have gone up 600%, rent about .25 % and cars about 40% in comparison to the money we were earning in 1973 and are now earning.

I have been thinking about this post for some time; not being an economist, accountant or financial advisor (as they are bullshit jobs!), I reckon, I’m pretty qualified to say, that something is really not quite right here.

Is it just that the poor are getting poorer and the rich are getting richer and most of us are all just sitting in the middle struggling…?

At this point, I should point out that all of this doesn’t matter.  I have lamented in other posts about the futility of chasing wealth and power as ultimately, we firstly all end up sitting in a chair, pissing our pants, watching days of our lives and waiting for our relatives to visit who never come….. and, then we die, and take nothing with us (remember, you never see a trailer on a hearse!).

In truth the rent, the house, the car are all useless articles that cost a lot, but perhaps have no real value in our lives.  It is no use knowing the price of everything, if you don’t know the value of anything.

And considering that in recent years more and more people are filling their time doing bullshit jobs (see earlier post this week – click here) I ask myself constantly “Self, – Is there such a thing as an Aussie Battler anymore?”

I think the world changed for the Aussie Battler after a couple of wars, a few where we called the returned soldiers Heroes, and then a few smaller wars, or where they Police Actions, where we called the returned soldiers baby killers! (bearing in mind we now all celebrate the ‘heroes’ in all our wars, and Police actions, yet fail to live the values we celebrate in them – I had a spit about this last ANZAC Day and put a video up on my YouTube channel if you’d like to have a look – click here).

Then we had a sexual revolution and a stock market boom (and multiple crashes), the housing boom, there was a baby boom in there somewhere (I think around the time of the sexual revolution or one of the wars – it doesn’t matter, I think the baby boomers are actually the cause of everything!), and now a technological revolution (still going on – is it a boom, or just a series of small startup booms, which become bust – unless you sell porn or are Facebook) and then a global financial crisis (which had a cool, catchy and overused acronym – GFC!) and then….

Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 4.17.41 PMWhat?  What are we now.  Are we Aussie Battlers, pulling ourselves up by our boot-straps, working hours in the hot sun, digging a hole somewhere, lifting some heavy stuff, to return home on dusk, having lamb and three veg for tea (not dinner) and watching the ABC News… do we see the vision splendid of the sunlit plains extended…  I don’t think so!

Are we still the land of real opportunity, or are we a people governed by those who talk a Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 3.49.21 PMlot about jobs, struggling Aussie families, ‘moving forward’ (fuck, I hate that phrase, almost as much as the hypocrisy of the person who said it with the ultimate lie of never having a carbon tax in a government that I…. you know the rest of that bullshit – if not just switch on the News now and listen to any politician from any party in THIS election!) … are we now not governed by an elite group of people who themselves couldn’t even define (not that I can?) an Aussie Battler let alone find one.

What really is in the future for these entitled, self obsessed, iphone, ipad, internet, snapchat addicted no hopers, we call a variety of labeled generations, who still live in OUR houses (that we worked bloody hard for as real Aussie Battlers!) and expect everything to be given to them…..

This younger, ungrateful generation who live in a world…… yeah, in a world that……. yeah, in a world that… oh, yeah, in a world that WE created for them!  Oh fuck, I think it’s our fault.  I know the good old days are gone, but is today just their good old days yet to be realised – sometimes I think not.  there are just a few things I know, and we all know if we look, that are real different from then and now:

  • I know I got my free education (even Uni if you went – which wasn’t encouraged or expected) – and now to go to Uni means to have a HECS debt (the equivalent of my first house deposit) that may cripple you for a decade and beyond.
  • I know I could walk the streets pretty safe at night – and now we have more Police and more laws and now about 90% of parents drop their kids off and pick them up from school through fear.
  • I know it was a fair dream to own a home and a car and now the opening stats in this post say, perhaps this is not a dream, but a pipe dream.
  • I know that if I really wanted a job I just had to go out and look for it – there were enough to go around and now even with a degree, and a HECS debt crippling any wage I earn, I may not get a job, ever.
  • I knew if I had a career it would probably be for life and now a career is until the next Government reshuffle (or election where promises of jobs never materialise, but cut backs and redundancies do!), business insolvency or stock market crash. Bearing in mind always that the CEO get his payout and lives to start another company or better still get a Government advisory or consultancy role.
  • I know that if I put a little bit away in superannuation I would be set up pretty good when I retire and now (even today) the retirement age is increasing and I can’t put enough away, even if I have a job, didn’t have to pay my HECS debt and found a secure investment that didn’t go bust or involve massive corporate corruption – if all these things did or didn’t happen I will still struggle to secure any future in retirement.
  • I knew the local cop, the local bank manager, the local councillor, the local butcher the local milkman (he came to my house?) – and now I do my banking and shopping on line (if I do speak so someone it is in Mumbi!), the banks don’t want to know me except to take my money in fees and give me crippling credit debt – there is no local ‘friend’ or respected member of the community we all look up to and most of all trust.

I don’t think the Aussie Battler is a myth, but, I also don’t think it is our future.

The Merchants of Misery (the media) rule our lives, drive public opinion, topple governments (who needs the CIA when you have CNN), make us buy, buy, buy and most of all ensure that our lives never seem good enough and then provide us with a moral compass that worships possessions, destroys diversity through fear of … what is it now, political correctness gone mad, or racism, or sexism, or basically the fear of standing up like the real Aussie Battler to fight for values that nobody knows what they are…. we are a society of Aussie Battlers with nothing to battle for except our next outrage to Tweet about and our next must have possession (as directed by the Media).

I refuse.  I outright, and down right, fucking refuse to be a puppet, to be on mindless media autopilot!Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 3.57.29 PM

My Dad was a real Aussie Battler, and each day I wonder what he would think, what he would do? (bearing in mind at the end of each day he was to buggered to do more than eat his tea, watch the news and fall into bed to do it all again the next day – and he died at 64 on the dole as he wasn’t old enough for the pension!)

I haven’t mentioned this in the last couple of posts, even though it is the point of my blog and my YouTube channel, and that is being a better man.  Maybe it is because, sometimes, just sometimes, to be a better man, you have to understand that not all those around you have the same aspirations – they are still on autopilot, living a life dictated by the Media and the only way to wake them up is to give them a good hard slap (figuratively of course!)  Plus, there are those who will tear you down for even getting up any speaking what everyone else is thinking – even though when you speak up and say ‘fuck’ it becomes about saying fuck and not about the subject – always remembering, outrage is the modern equivalent of hard work.

I haven’t also mentioned, the being a better man words, because, well, I felt my blog, with an average of 60 reads per post and my YouTube Channel with a similar average, was just to small, I was too small, I just wasn’t important enough.

Then I thought, fuck it, that’s what everyone thinks – that’s what we are supposed to think, or go shopping to stop thinking at all!

So, standing up, speaking up, even if no-one is listening, is the point of being a better man.

As I have quoted before, as Gandhi said:

First they ignore you,

then they laugh at you,

then they fight you,

then you win.