Category Archives: Better Ideas

Better the Construct of Myself (Is this The Matrix?)

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The start of this post may not make sense to people who have not seen (or understood!) the movie The Matrix – but a lot of people will say the movie can not be understood…. anyway I digress.

To summarise the premise of the movie:

Our lives as we perceive them are computer generated and we are all actually living in a simulation…

That about sums up the Matrix and the rest of the movie and subsequent sequels are about our hero, Neo, trying to get control of the simulation and escape to the ‘real world’.  (The real world in the movie is actually a bit shit and we all live as human batteries in a pod of jelly – but again I digress….)

Part of our hero Neo’s education of him being a ‘slave to the machines’ who run the simulation (The Matrix) is that he goes back into the Matrix to defeat it.  In going back into The Matrix he finds has a certain look, wears certain clothes, has a certain haircut etc etc – all of which turn out to be his ‘construct’ of himself in his mind which is translated into his appearance in The Matrix…..

NB: Apologies but I think my introduction above to this post is as about as complicated as the movie!!!!!

So, our hero Nero lives in the Matrix as a ‘construct’ of what his mind tells him he is…..

Is this sounding a little familiar now?

I think we all live in this world (which the longer I observe could actually be The Matrix and the movie was really a documentary…!!!) as constructs of ourselves.

For me the ‘taking of the blue pill or the red pill’ (for those who haven’t seen the movie the choosing of the pill is the time that our hero decides if he wants to know the truth!) was when I retired from my career after 38 years…..  suddenly I was no longer the ‘construct’ I had made of myself over those years.  For me this was a bit scary as I actually thought this was who I was.

For all of us I think this construct is different, but it is often just the way we think about ourselves as opposed to the way we act.  I was trying to think of a few generic example…

We think we are generous but dont donate to the man in the street…

We think we are good at maths but can’t balance our finances…

We think we are no confrontational yet always appear to be in arguments…

We think the bloke down the street is an idiot yet he appears to be happy and we are always miserable…

I think the problem with our ‘construct’ is that it only relates to the real world in our head, and worse it is only visible as a shit construct to those around us and not ourselves.

One thing that led Neo to discover The Matrix was that everyday he had lived his life, it just, didn’t feel right.

In my pervious career it never just felt right.  The values that I was living, didn’t quite feel right, my interactions with people, mostly didn’t quite feel right (the funny part about this is the best interactions I had with people which I remember vividly today were the ones where upon reflection I didn’t behave in line with my construct)…. mostly, in the last 38 years I feel as if I have been living in The Matrix, walking around in a constructed personality, clothes, attitudes, loves and hates, friends and enemies, values and even dreams and aspirations, which were created outside of me.

A lot of what has happened to me in the past, a lot of what I did and said, was like watching a movie.

So, I wake up – I take the pill that shows me The Matrix is not real and my construct… my construct of me, of who I think I am, who other people think I am…. is in actual fact, basically, bullshit!

Well, let me tell you that realisation is where the fun starts, as perhaps you are left with nothing.  I was lucky.  Still lurking inside me somewhere was me.

I am still trying to find him… and let me tell you 38 years of learned, acted and executed behaviours is something pretty hard to unlearn.

Living now is really living the adage that if it doesn’t ‘feel’ right, even if that feeling can’t be put into a logical train of thought, then it probably isn’t.  I catch myself at least a thousand times a day thinking as the ‘construct’ who is telling me that the person I am trying to find is actually imaginary and get back to the real world and the business at hand…

But, I think there is a trick.

What if the new me is just another construct and I find that I am watching the wrong movie, and it is all just a dream within a dream and Leonardo DiCaprio just appeared from Inception….

Better at Doing Nothing

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This morning I went for a short walk with my friend Made in the Balinese village of Silakarang after telling him today I planned to do nothing….

Screen Shot 2018-03-05 at 11.04.44 AM

Doing nothing internationally

I have actually been doing that since we arrived several weeks ago, however, it is the case that actually doing nothing is impossible;  even doing nothing is doing something.

When I ‘circle talk’ like this it often reminds me of the overwhelming common sense and wisdom of the Australian Aboriginal people when I was working in the APY lands – I would often be looking for people and ask a local man or woman where that person was, and they would so often reply “They must be somewhere.”  This is logic that you just can not argue with.  Just like doing nothing is doing something.

I have a series of retorts I use since retiring which my wife partakes in yet I am sure is sick of hearing, such as:

Since I retired I have been so busy I am thinking of putting another man on.

 

My wife asked me what I was doing today and I said nothing, and she said, but you did that yesterday; to which I reply “Yeah, but I hadn’t finished.”

These go on and on; but, am I really doing nothing – which as commented above, is actually impossible.

My today of doing nothing is perhaps best aligned to where I am at – of course I am ‘somewhere’ but, where is my head at, is it somewhere that matters or am I still on autopilot living without actually noticing my life.

Screen Shot 2018-03-05 at 11.06.41 AM

Doing nothing at home.

I hope not. I hope I am getting better at appreciating the moment, this moment, which is all that exists and needs to be noticed to be truely appreciated.

Doing nothing for me today, is as I have posted so many times before, about noticing all the moments that will exist today and that each one will never come again and should be cherished; because, we never really know what the next moment will bring.

Better at Being Grateful (16/21 Gratitude Challenge)

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Todays challenge:

Stand in front of the mirror for five minutes and focus on at least five things that you love about yourself. Write them down in your journal.

I was a little concerned that it was only 5 minutes – and I was more concerned that it Screen Shot 2015-06-06 at 1.39.36 pmdidn’t actually say naked, but, I took that as a given….

Initially, I couldn’t get a good view as there was some fat old guy standing in front of me.  When I finally managed to peak around the dugong that had beached itself in front of me I discovered I am a pretty attractive man.

I can understand why men want to be me and chicks dig me… they are after all, only human.

One must remember that this is the second day in my gratitude challenge which is focusing on me… I prefer in any period such as this that all days are focused on me, but, as ‘Effi’ in the old TV show Acropolis Now said “beauty is a curse, and I have it!”

So back to me and the mirror – make that mirrors as one was just not enough.. take that as you will!  I thought I should work my way down from my head to my toes – remember that looking at the sun in its entirety can blind you.  I initially tried to use one of those eclipse peep hole cameras but couldn’t get it aligned properly – more about my arse later….

One
I concentrated on my eyes… I was there for about 20 minutes looking left, and looking right, up, down, trying to catch my eyes moving in the mirror (admit it you have all tried!) before I realised that a lot of the time when I have looked in the mirror (other than in doing the above experiment) you do not actually look at your eyes.  You look where you are shaving, you look at the hair you are combing – but, do you ever stare into your own eyes.  Well, today I did.  It was interesting because you cant look at both of them at the same time – which of course doesn’t matters as when you swap you cant see your eyes moving anyway.  I love my eyes not only for what they see, but because I am grateful I have them and I can see.

Two
In the process of checking our my head, I did notice that my ears are rather prominent.  Something that to those who know me will know – they are like a couple of dinner plates attached to either side of my head.  When I was a baby my Mum once dropped me and I just glided to the ground.  But, as much as I wanted my ears pinned back, I have had then pierced several time (thinking about that now why would I want to adorn my ears with things that would draw peoples attention to them?) and have listened to a lot of shit, heard a lot of sad stories and listened to a myriad of good a bad jokes:  they have taken me through decades of music and now always have that slight buzz from tinnitus…  I am grateful for my ears – I have even learned to love their enormity.

Three
I didn’t dwell on my narrow shoulders, man boob chest, or mono abdominal muscle – I went straight to my arms – well one arm in particular – my right arm, no left, hang on no right…  just above the inside of my elbow is a 2 cm scar, still very prominent with the three stitch holes prominent on each side.  This was an operation that I had when I was about 8 years old to see if I had a hole in my heart.  I was awake and they inserted a tube through this cut in my arm to explore my heart – no hole (other than the one left in my arm).  I like this little, old fashioned scar, I am grateful that it reminds me that I do have a heart and it doesn’t have a hole in it.

Four
My dick – all me love their dicks!

Five
I have a scar on my knee (not from the above loved body part hitting it I might add) from a push bike accident when I was a kid.  It reminds me of how much I loved being a kid.  I am grateful that I had a good childhood and great parents – this little scar reminds me of it all the time – I love it.

So, I wrote them down – the five things that I like about my body.  But, to me this is a silly gratitude challenge.  My body is just something I have.  It is my cover, the walking around bit – looking at it in the mirror and saying what bits you love, is frankly, irrelevant; it is just a continuation of us being grateful for something that doesn’t matter – our looks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Better at Being Grateful (9/21 Gratitude Challenge)

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Todays challenge was “To enjoy the people around you – take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities…”

Shit!  Another day of having to notice stuff right in front of me.

Wow!  I am writing this the morning after…2017-12-07 - _0001

Yesterday I tried, I really tried….

  1. I drove from our place in the country as I was looking forward to going down to Adelaide to see my mates at the shooting club.  I set off early, there was no traffic, I had plenty of time even though I knew there were a lot of road works.
  2. I made great time, not speeding and the road works were fine.  Virtually no traffic and I seemed to come up behind cars just before a passing lane and went through smoothly – the coffee Jo made me before I left was still hot a Blanchetown so I didn’t stop anywhere….
  3. I hit the traffic at Gawler, but was on the northern expressway and then Pt Wakefield road and it was all cool – I was ahead of schedule…
  4. I thought I would just stop at McDonalds (as Jo wasn’t in the car!) and get a quick bite to eat – I was ahead of schedule.
  5. Pulled in, first car in the line, simple order, go to pay.  They get my change wrong – that’s okay – “No, I gave you $21.20 and it was $11.20 so that’s $10.00 change” – blank look as I hand back $8.80 – “didn’t you give me a $10.00?” – “Would that mean my meal was $1.20” – blank look with hand open showing change.  Much pressing of buttons on the till.  “What did you give me again?” “I gave you a twenty dollar note, a dollar coin and a 20 cent coin – $21.20, the meal was $11.20, thats $10.00 change.” – blank look, reaches out takes money from my hand. Much pressing of buttons on till – car behind beeps horn – girl with blank look hands me $10.00 (does not speak) – I say “Thanks, sorry about the confusion.”  – blank look “Welcome, to McDondal’s can I take….”  I drive to the next window.Screen Shot 2017-12-10 at 11.13.30
  6. In the 10 metre drive – I try to be Zen, greet the morning sun, this is not important…. peace, tranquility, zen master entering my head…. breath….
  7. Next window – another blank face – hands me a bag and a drink “Here’s your order” – “Thanks” I say to empty window.  Check order – wrong burger – waiting for coffee.  Blank face comes to window “‘you right” (the phrase I hate the most in the world) – smile “My burger is wrong and I ordered a coffee.”  blank face – takes bag.  Returns a millennium later – person behind beeps horn – bag handed to me “I ordered a coffee as well?” – blank face – empty window.  I smile – it don’t mean nothin’…..  blank face returns to window – can you go to the parking bay please – “No” “What” “No” – person behind beeps, puts head out window yells “Go to the parking bay…”  She looks like a nice lady with kids.  I can now see the cars encircling the entire McDonalds.  Person behind beeps.  Blank face at window “If you can go to the parking bay we’ll bring your coffee over.” Why argue, “Okay” – blank face disappears – I don’t move.  Nice lady behind beeps and gives me the finger. Blank face appears, coffee appears “Thanks” “Have a good one” “Sorry?” “Have a good one” “What, coffee?” “What?” “What?” “No, have a good one” “Good what” “What” – I drive off this could go on all day – I am now late….
  8. I drive to the club to se my mates, I am late, but they make me laugh and when I tell them the McDonalds story they will tell me to lighten up and take the piss out of me – a good day!
  9. The Club is a sty.  I have to go into 4WD to get up the track, the trees are so over gown it is like driving through a big green flapping brush carwash, I park randomly like everyone else, I go to the club, it makes a sty look neat, weeds, peeling paint, rubbish, overgrown.  They have already started and I miss the first part of the shoot.  I get ready and come to the line.  Someone says are you grumpy, you look grumpy, did you just drive down.  I get ready and go to shoot.
  10. I step to the line, “Fire”  I can’t see the target, I am shooting high – I run out of time and only shoot half by rounds.  I go to the target which is mostly blank, I still can’t focus – I am wearing the wrong glasses – I check my gun and I haven’t adjusted the sights..  I don’t write down my score which is not in double digits anyway.
  11. I pick on the committee members present for the rest of the day about the state of the club, what’s happening in a number of other club matters and generally am grumpy (as identified earlier and denied…) – I am relentless.  I feel bad after the shoot and I am sorry and say so to my mates – it is too late.  I feel bad.
  12. I leave early after the shoot (I am just leaving and have a long chat with an older member of the club who is 20 years my senior but I have been mates with for 30 years – he is such a good block – makes me feel bad…)  I leave as I was going to stay down and catch up with other mates tonight….  I drive to the Riverland.  Even a stop at Bunnings on the way doesn’t help.  I ring friends and cancel plans for tonight and apologise – I tell them all the story about my day – I am boring myself after the second phone call.  I eat fatty food at the servo on the way.  I drive at the speed limit, don’t pass when I can, but just go slower.
  13. I get home (I have already told my wife about my day) my wife greets me and says lets just have nice night – Frozen is on TV and seeing everyone says it’s so great and we’ve never seen it lets watch it.  Great I say!
  14. We watch it – it is rubbish and even Jo says so.  I read, Jo goes to bed and I follow before midnight for once.  I just want this day to be over.

Nobody died today, but I am glad it is over.  It wasn’t a disastrous day – it was just like the Chiko roll sitting in my guts for 100 km – unpleasant with the feeling of a little bit of sick sitting constantly in the back of your throat.

So my challenge today:

“To enjoy the people around you – take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities…”

I appreciate one thing and one thing only.  That seeing this is not the first time I have Screen Shot 2017-12-10 at 11.27.15been a relentless pain in the arse, that these people are still my friends – I am undeservedly grateful for this.  Thanks (and sorry again!)

I’m going to watch a video I have referenced at lot again:

This is Water David Foster Wallace

Better at Being Grateful (8/21 Gratitude Challenge)

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Send thank you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition.

Well, obviously I am not reading too far ahead in the ‘Gratitude Challenge Calendar’ as I spent most of the day before yesterday calling people and sending letters, cards and notes.  Seems like I almost deserve a day off being grateful and sit around being pissed off about… well, everything!

But a promise is a promise and the most important ones are the ones we make to ourselves….

So I have decided to write ‘thank you notes’ to 5 people who I am grateful for in changing major aspects of my life.  No, this is not even about my family, friends acquaintances  – this is about the celebrities!!!  Which reminds me of an ongoing bitch I may have mentioned before when people say who was the most influential person in your life and people invariably say “My Mum/Dad’ – to me this is so lame – of course our Mum or Dad are the most influential to all of us – but what about the people that you choose to be great influences over your life, not the ones that are common to all of us and were thrust upon us, for better or worse – most don’t think that much….

So I have chosen dead people to write my little thank you notes to….

That way I can just write them here and hope that they are reading them… not over my shoulder as that would be a bit creepy, but more in a sense of knowing that they left a legacy, even if some of their influence over the years for me has changed – which is a good thing.  Or, as importantly what I thought was the truth was only the truth insofar as it led me to find my own truth – they were the catalyst for me understanding, or the kick start on the way to wanting to understand, or occasionally, even in the past, helping me be more grateful….

Albert Einstein
The greatest quotes of all times.  My favourite (okay one of them) is: Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
What I learned from Albert and I am am most grateful for – Genius doth not make the man. Thanks.

Emiliano Zaparta
Emiliano’s most famous for the quote “it is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.”  I believed this for a long time, and fought to stay on my feet.  It was a good quote to teach me a lesson – living is better than the alternative, and often surrender is the better option versus dying.  By the way, Emiliano died on his feet, is almost forgotten and the above quote has been attributed to others.

What I learned from Emiliano and I am most grateful for – dying for a cause is probably a stupid death. Thanks.

Gordon Livingston
(This one is a bit of a cheat as he is still alive…. but, Im saving a dollar and not writing to him in the real world…)  I found his book “Too soon old, to late smart.”  This man has insight, wisdom and the scars to prove he earned it.

What I learned from the good Doctor and I am am most grateful for – His book “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart.” was one of the catalysts to me being a better man.  Thanks.

Sun Tzu
He died a long time ago and was a warrior of renown who’s legacy live 500 years after his death.  He was a ruthless killer who’s philosophies have been adapted to modern business teachings and strategies – scary really.  He teachings have merit – but, no war does (see Emiliano above).  I read his book and a lot of associated notes occasionally just to make sure I understand them, not in war, but in peace.

What I learned from Sun and I am most grateful for – knowing when to fight is the most important thing (and from his readings I read ‘The Art of Peace’ by Morihei Ueshiba). Thanks.

Nelson Mandela
(Woops, you’re not dead yet either…. oh, yes you are, I just checked! – Lucky!)
I learned that the Government of the day make the laws and if you decide to overthrow them through violence you go to jail for 27 years.  Then you get out, the world has changed and you become President of a country and a great leader…  Why?  Because during those 27 years you changed – you accepted your fate and tried to understand it.

What I learned the most from Nelson and I am most grateful for – knowing that people can really change and past behaviour is NOT a definitive indication of future behaviour.  He also gave me the poem ‘Out of the Night that covers Me’ – which he read not wrote!  Thanks.

 

 

 

 

Better Retired (1 Year) – Happy Birthday Mum

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Well where did that year go. Where did my ‘gap year’ go – did it start.

So a year ago I retired from the Police after 38 years – coincidentally it was on my Mum Gloria’s birthday.  She has been gone now for almost 3 years.

Nothing is permanent.c994218c9dd900cc2722235c2ed5bd5a--retirement-sayings-retirement-cards

We live our lives oblivious to the only one true inevitability – death.

On my final day in the Police there were a few things I wish I had done.  I wonder how big that list will be on my last day alive?

What if that day is today?
On my last day in the Police people asked me how I felt – I said relieved.  I felt the weight of responsibility lift from my shoulders.  Now this was a responsibility I had sworn to uphold (it was an oath I took pretty seriously) and I hoped on occasions I went beyond the call of duty.  Often it wasn’t a duty, it was really an honour.
On my last day on this planet (working on the fact that I will live to be 85 – I have 10423 days left) I wonder if I will think that I had spent my time well.  I wonder if each of those days I have left I will spend well.  As the poem goes, I wonder if I would have spent the Top-5-regrets-for-EL-Mag-VFdash between the date of my birth and the date of my death well.

In thinking, have I spent the last year, my first year of retirement, well.  Firstly, I suppose, I have to define well?  Is it doing what I want to make me happy; doing something that is meaningful; doing things for others – is it all of these things.  And if it is any of them, how do I measure it.

So, I am on the last day of the first year of my retirement – let’s pretend that it is not that day, but a day 10423 days into the future.

So, it is the future, 1st May 2046 and it is my last day and that day is today – I have a few hours left what should I do?  Lets go through the list of what I have been doing and decide what will make the final hours bucket list…..

  • Watching TV (especially Survivor!) – NO
  • Reading or Watching the News – NO  (I actually stopped doing that a few years ago…)
  • Shopping – NO  (what do I need in these final hours – what have I ever actually needed?)
  • Visiting Friends – Some are so far away (and I haven’t spoken to them for so long?)
  • Write Thank You and Sorry Letters – NO  (Wow that’s a long list, do I have time left?)
  • Visit the Kids – NO  (They are so busy – and I know you only miss your folks after they are gone…)
  • Arguing over bills, or money, or politics or religion – who would I argue with?  How would me winning any argument change my last day on earth?
  • Spend it with my Wife – I spend everyday with her, I tell her I love her every day, don’t I?
  • Spend it with Me – But, I know me don’t I (wouldn’t that be a waste of time?)

 

The clock is ticking and I don’t know what to do: there just isn’t enough time to finish everything and do all the important things.  I can’t even work out what the important things are!  I just keep thinking about all the things I have done (regrets and triumphs) and all the things I wont get to do.  I am sitting there as the minutes turn into hours and my final day on earth is disappearing and I haven’t achieved anything meaningful all day…..

Unfortunately all the ‘NOWS’ in my life have become yesterdays or unfulfilled dreams of the future.  What the fuck happened to everyone one of those 2,682,374,400 seconds – I just lived…. tick, tick, tick…. they just seemed to disappear in the noise of my life.

Now it is quiet and I have those final minutes, those final seconds…. what am I thinking….

But, as that clock tick’s those final seconds, each one is NOW: in each one I am alive and I get to truely experience it, the miracle of it, the absolute joy of that one moment….

As that last second ticks, I realise that I had 2,682,374,399 of them, that I may have
missed – glad I noticed that last one.

Back to the present – Lucky for me I actually have 900,547,200 left!IMG_4828

So, today, after 31,536,000 seconds of retirement: 89,683,200 seconds since Mum went to a better place; today on Mum’s Birthday, my ‘retirement day’ I am going to notice each one of those seconds.

I am going to be aware of me, of my life and that, in itself, is a miracle, a joy, and is in fact, right now!

Happy Retirement Day Ian – Happy Birthday Mum.  x

 

Better at just standing there…..

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I was thinking of an old mentor of mine recently – as I do often, because the older I get the more his wisdom just makes sense and is spattered with old sayings from our childhoods that now we understand why our parents kept saying them…

He would often say when approaching an emergency situation:

“Don’t just do something, stand there.”dontjustdosomething2

Of course our first thought is this sentence is the wrong way around.

He would follow up with, stand there and take it all in, it may only be for a moment, a second, half a second, but during that moment let your grey matter do the work….

So you are standing there as calamity reigns… take this moment to ask yourself a few very important questions:

  1. Am I in any danger.
    If the answer is yes then the first thing is get our of that danger.
  2. It’s probably not as bad as it looks.
    If your not in danger, don’t panic and get yourself into danger.
  3. Who is in charge?
    If it appears nobody, then it may very well be you and you better get on with doing the job.

The interesting part of this great advice is firstly remembering it when the shit is hitting the fan; and secondly getting everybody else to stop running around causing more havoc….

My world has changed a bit over the last couple of years and the dangers I face are just not the same (I miss them a bit?).

However, the urge to run in full steam ahead still exists in most things I do.  Often this is easy as the majority of people are usually oblivious to what is happening and the others are filming it to put on YouTube.

As I come across these ‘dangerous’ circumstances in my life I hear and heed the words ‘don’t just do something stand there’ – they are often followed by ‘take a deep breath’ ‘count to 10’ all good advice from previous generations, all ignore by the next.

But lately, it is not so much danger as ‘problems’ I have to deal with – I suppose depending on how you look at it, there is not much difference, only perhaps the increased chances of death versus an undercooked steak being returned to the kitchen.  In making this leap – and it has been a leap –  in dealing with danger versus dealing with problems, I have begun to realise there are in fact no problems.  Yes, there is often danger, and in situations of danger the problem is dealing with fear.  However in day to day life we just love to describe what is happening as a problem.

I am giving that up.

Things are only problems in our head – the reality is that they are just situations that we have failed to accept and as such want to change them into a problem so that we can fix them to being what we consider normal – or as importantly, what we want it to be.

A few examples I have come across lately:

The problem with ‘cold callers.’  Immediately where hear that accented voice, or the conversation starts with ‘you have been randomly selected…’ etc etc.  We can feel our blood pressure rising and the annoyance at this ‘problem’ interrupting our very busy and important day.  Really?  You can just immediately hang up and get on with your day – about 2 seconds of ‘problem’ and it is stopped.  I personally chat with them as I am retired and I ask them more questions about themselves than their products “How are you today” “Where are you calling from” “Are you married” “What sort of car do you drive” – often they just hang up (problem solved) or occasionally I have an interesting conversation with someone who I was randomly selected to have a chat with.  I never buy anything.

The problem of people disagreeing with me.  This is a particular problem as I am almost aways right – but, often so are they.  So, I just let them disagree with me.  I often and easily agree with them and then just go on thinking what I want anyway.  Is there ever a real chance that someone who is addicted to an idea changing that idea because you disagree with them.  Most times by agreeing with them the conversation is over as mostly they just want to argue anyway and it doesn’t matter what it is about.

The problem of not having enough money to buy shit people on the telly tell me I need.  Forget this problem it just makes you hate your life now. If you buy what they tell you to, they will only bring out something next week that they tell you is better.  Unfortunately this is not really my problem, but an epidemic of thought in our modern world – which quite possibly is the biggest problem we have today – which is being dissatisfied.

This list could go on forever, as most of us, most of the time, consider most of our life, a problem.  The fact is that our life is not a problem, the people in it are not a problem, the things in it are not a problem, the things we do or don’t do are not a problem – even you are not the problem….

I am the problem.6360247751176320011373341910_Imtheproblem Flag wide

YES! I hear some of you saying – he finally has realised it.  And you are right. I have actually realised that I am the problem for even considering that things are problems – and often resisting them, fighting against them and/or, trying to fix them…… that IS the real problem.

Yeah, things don’t always go the way I expect – and that is okay.
Yeah, people don’t always act rationally or well – and that is okay

But, sometimes, most times actually, I don’t have to do anything, I just have to stand there.

I have to just stand there, sometimes physically, most times mentally and emotionally …… and accept it.

It’s funny to watch…. myself.  Hearing that little voice saying, oppose it, fight against it, fix it, yell at it, change it, even the arrogance of the voice saying, I can make it better……  and I don’t, I don’t listen to that little voice……   and, nothing actually happens.

The situation (the problem) actually remains the same – but amazingly when unopposed, un-argued, un-fourght, …….. often, it just fades away, or fixes itself.  It only actually ever needed me, for one reason, and that was to become a problem.

It was a situation – I just stood there – I accepted the situation – it still is a situation – nothing really changed except me.

Now, I can act, or not.2017-10 -13 -

But, in doing so, it is ME doing it – not my arrogance, my ego, my learned or instinctive reactions and behaviours, my emotions, not my need to win, not my need to be a hero or even a victim….

To you the difference may be imperceptible – but to me, it is everything – and nothing – it just is.

 

Better an Alien Invasion

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I was chatting with a friend this morning and we were talking about an old 1938 radio play based on HG Wells “War of the Worlds”.  The play was structured like rolling news broadcasts of an alien invasion.  It created panic as people believed it was true (just toScreen Shot 2017-09-25 at 11.09.16 AM note, even during the news broadcast there were advertisements – which people apparently didn’t think was strange that they were being advised of a new dish washing liquid as the world was coming to an end?!).

We also started chatting about how most science fiction movies show that we are only invaded by completely incompetent aliens who we usually manage to defeat in a week or two!  Always remembering that these aliens have managed to travel across light years of space to invade us, in technology beyond our dreams, yet we manage to defeat them by putting a computer virus into their systems, with a X Box – usually by a 10 year old and his tear-away class mates.

It troubles me that we would consider any invasion by aliens to be by dumb aliens when we look around ou own planet.

I think any alien invasion would only go in a couple of ways:

  1. They would wipe us out from space and land after the dust settles and claim the planet now devoid of life.15afea01c456f2730ac033504404180c--aliens-music
  2. They would fly straight past (like we do when looking for a motel in a small country
    town on our holiday…) commenting – “We’re not staying in that shit hole!”
  3. If they were really benevolent aliens wanting us to join the intergalactic community, they would land, attempt to have a chat with us, and then fly off commenting “What a bunch of fuck heads!”

I can’t see our first contact going too many other ways.  We are basically belligerent children all arguing over toys we don’t need, but just want, so no-one else can have them.

I think it is strange that we, the human race, would think that any intergalactic alien race would want to be our friends…

What have we go to offer as a ‘new friend’.  I would imagine after a few weeks of being the new aliens friends they would be talking to there old galactic mates, behind our backs at the interstellar bar saying things like:

Screen Shot 2017-09-25 at 11.30.18 AMYeah I know, have you been to their house, it’s a shit hole.  They never clean up, there’s always shit everywhere and they just dump their rubbish out the back.

 

I can’t stand it.  They are always fighting, and it’s usually about sharing and who has the most toys.

 

Screen Shot 2017-09-25 at 11.30.18 AM

At parties they always take the biggest bit of cake, and it’s usually the fat ones who do it.

 

Have you had them over.  Mostly they arrive when they are not invited, they never bring anything except a bad attitude;  they start a fight, usually wreck the place and Screen Shot 2017-09-25 at 11.30.18 AMleave us to clean up.

 

Has anyone met their mate Someone, or They?  Apparently these two blokes are the cause of all their troubles and fuck everything up.

I think if I was an alien I wouldn’t want us as a mate.

If it was me, I’d drive on by or nuke the place from space.

PS:  I was thinking that was a pretty negative note to end on so I have reconsidered.  I hope when they arrive they conduct individual job interviews for entry into the galactic community – it would be interesting to see who gets a job and who is left behind?  Seeing Nibiru (the mystery planet) didn’t arrive on the 23rd, and the world didn’t end 5 years ago in 2012, I suppose we all have a little bit of time to build our individual resumes…

 

 

 

 

 

Better Positive Language

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I'm positive about this....

This post is a disaster – I’m positive!  To save time go straight to the end.

I wrote an article a couple of years ago about the use of the term “Yes No” – okay it doesn’t sound like a term of speech but everybody was using it – have a read, click here.

I thought this phenomenon was over, well it is, I think, sort of, um, yes and no, yes no, well, pretty much…. Oh, God I have become one of ‘them.’

I would just occasionally like someone to use ‘positive language’ in answering my questions.

What do I mean by ‘positive language?’

I think the best way to explain it is to look at what it isn’t.  Here are a few examples of the opposite to positive language answers:

Me to the mechanic “When will my car be ready”
The mechanic “It should be ready Friday”

Me at the bank “Are there any charges for this transaction.”
The bank teller “No, there shouldn’t be.”

Me in the supermarket “Can you tell me were the tomato sauce is please?”
Supermarket staff “I think it is in isle 5.”

Me to a mate at the pub “Is this illegal”
My (Ex) Mate “No, I don’t think so.”

Other great ‘key words’ are ‘probably‘ ‘maybe‘ ‘sometimes‘ ‘usually‘ etc etc

I am confused.  Surely you know something or you don’t.  Things either are or are not.  Why do we give these answers and more importantly why do we accept them?

Is it because we are afraid to say “I don’t know” because that may actually entail us having to find out – or is it because we don’t care, on either side of the question?

I am sure some of these questions are more important that others…. e.g. “Are there I'm positive - okay, I don't know?peanuts in this?” or “Is this a live wire?” or “Are you allergic to this medication?”

However, surely if we get ourselves into a situation of asking questions and accepting answers in the realm of guessing the trivial can suddenly become important.  Or, again do we care.

What is usually the purpose of asking a question?  Is it to gain information or to abrogate responsibility?

I am beginning to think that as we walk around this earth, mostly quite oblivious to our purpose here, our ultimate destination unknown and our lives dictated by the media (the merchants of misery) we are getting to a point where the questions don’t really matter and the answers are even more irrelevant because in the end it will always be someone else fault anyway.

I also think that asking many of these questions and getting any definitive answer is a moot point, as we have already made our assumptions, formed our opinions and have our own beliefs that so influence the current situations that further information is only asked for and answers given to annoy us.

Let’s revisit the above questions with our assumed, believed and set opinions in the open:

Me to the mechanic “When will my car be ready?” (Thought: Why am I asking it will be a guess anyway and they are always late….)
The mechanic “It should be ready Friday.” (Thought: Fuck knows)

Me at the bank “Are there any charges for this transaction?” (Thought: The bank will rip me off anyway so why am I asking – how will I pay that electricity bill?)
The bank teller “No, there shouldn’t be.” (Thought: How would I know – you’re in a bank there are charges for breathing!)

Me in the supermarket “Can you tell me were the tomato sauce is please?” (Thought: I have a rough idea, I’m just too lazy to look…)
Supermarket staff “I think it is in isle 5.” (Thought: Fuck knows, I’m 15 and only been working here for a week…)

Me to a mate at the pub “Is this illegal” (Thought: I’m doing it anyway, I just need an excuse..)
My (Ex) Mate “No, I don’t think so.” (Thought: Of course it is you idiot… this is going to be great!)

Okay, probably not true in every case, but maybe a few.

It’s just that I think we ask questions about a lot of things, no caring about the answer but seeking reassurance that what I suspect is something I don’t have to worry about and if I ask the question I can blame someone else.

In addition when the shit does hits the fan I can say I asked and they said ‘Yes’ and they can deny it.

So, where does the responsibility actually lie – in the question or in the answer.  I think both.  Plus it doesn’t hurt to ask and it doesn’t hurt to say “sorry I don’t know.”

And, then there are just sometimes when we ask questions because the other person doesn’t know and we do….

Reader of this blog    “What is this article trying to say?”
Me   “I’m not really sure?”
Reader of this blog    “But, surely you wrote it to get some point across?”
Me    “Initially I did, then I got a bit lost as to what that point was.  I think I
just wanted to have a whinge and for someone to listen?”
Reader of this blog   “So what should I do now?”
Me   “Probably get on with your life.”
Reader of this blog   “I think I will.”
Me   “I should too.”

We then watched Netflix for 4 hours and laughed at Youtube clips until we were board.I'm positive - okay, I was positively wrong!

I had to leave and pick up the car – it was due last Thursday…..

PS:  I have just re-read this blog, I didn’t get it.  I read it to my wife and she said it was a complex concept and confusingly written  – she is a good judge.  I laughed at having wasted 30 minutes writing it and as such – just HAD to publish it immediately!  My explanation of positive language I am sure has been a failure – I think!  I am sure most haven’t read this far anyway!

 

 

 

Better the Glass Ceiling (or Floor?)

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I was chatting to a friend the other day who works in a professional capacity and she said that she probably wasn’t going to get any further promotions as she had ‘hit the glass glass ceiling…’Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.19.20

Of course, as a man, I responded that as a woman she could have at least brought the Windex and given it a bit of a clean…. (I suppose that comment is one way to
get more hits on this post… and probably a couple in the face!)
So, what is this glass ceiling.  Mr Google had a good definition:

“an unacknowledged barrier to advancement in a profession, especially affecting women and members of minorities”

Yeah, sounds right to me.  So what are some strategies for breaking through this glass ceiling?  Thanks again Mr Google:

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

Original article compliments Mindtools – click here to read full article

Identify the Key Competencies within Your Organisation

  • What are the values of your organization?
  • What behaviors does your company value and reward?
  • What type of person is promoted?

Set Objectives to Align Your Competencies With Top Management

  • Let your boss know that you want to work toward a higher-level position.
  • Ask your boss what skill areas you need to develop.
  • Work together with your boss to set goals and objectives, then monitor and measure your performance.

Build Your Network

  • Reach out to new people on a regular basis.
  • Get involved with cross-functional teams.
  • Expand your professional network outside of your organization. If you can’t break the glass ceiling in your company, you may have to look elsewhere for opportunities.

Find a Mentor

  • Is there someone in upper management you can approach to help you?
  • Will your boss be able to provide mentoring support?
  • Are there people with strong political power who can offer you assistance?

Build Your Reputation

  • Seek high-profile projects.
  • Speak up and contribute in meetings.
  • Share ideas with peers as well as people in higher positions.
  • Identify places where your reputation is not what you want it to be, and develop plans to change them.

Know Your Rights

Finally, watch for discriminatory behavior. Sometimes biases and stereotyping can cross the line into discrimination.

So there you are – SMASH, CRASH and you’re through the glass ceiling!Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.29.09

You have become ‘one of them’….. Yahoo, you are a success!

Why is that such a good thing?  Is it the money?  Is it the power?  Is it just the principle?

Or, are you really one of them?  What does that actually mean?  Is it a good thing?

Why should you have to break through the glass ceiling?  What are the people above the glass ceiling thinking?  What have they got that you haven’t?

Or is the more important question ‘What are they missing that I have but they don’t recognise or appear to want?” – What we really say is “What is wrong with me.”

It has taken me half this post to get to the point.  What is it?  Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you!

This ‘glass barrier’ is being looked at all wrong.  We below want to be those above but in doing so we give up something.  What is it?  We give up all the things that those above have given up to be there.  We give up the knowledge that the barrier exists.

Yes.  Ask anyone above the barrier of its existence.  They say it’s a myth.  Ask the CEO if his organisation has a class, gender, race etc etc barrier and he (or even she) will (unless somehow enlightened!) will say no.  The strength of the glass ceiling is in the denial of its existence by all those above it.

The trick of the ‘glass ceiling’ is that it has taken a long time to create – not years, not decades, but centuries.  It has become for those above it, so normal, that it is unnoticed and beyond their ability to comprehend.

Our roles were assigned long ago.  The interesting and probably most perverse attribute of the ‘glass ceiling’ is that it is no longer just based on gender, race or a myriad of other physical, personal, social, religious, economic or race identifiers, but, on a mindset of entitlement.Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.23.07

Those above have it.  It is not an understanding it is just something that you have.  Those below don’t have it.  They cant understand what it even is that they don’t have.  But, when they break through the ‘glass ceiling’ they suddenly have it, that mindset.  They just get it, they don’t understand it and realise that they don’t have to understand it – as a matter of fact most don’t even realise they don’t realise.

So getting above the glass ceiling is not done by smashing through it from below – because that is not what happens.  You pass through the glass ceiling in a process of osmosis and suddenly you are above it and you are one of them – instantly – and standing on the still intact transparent floor below your feet.

The glass ceiling can not be broken from below.  It must be stamped on by those above who realise that their entitlement is as transparent as the floor.  It is the realisation that those below have talents, attributes, skills, knowledge, ideas, passions etc etc that can make a difference, a positive difference and create mutually beneficial situations for everybody…… it is something that we are all entitled to have, share and benefit from.

But, those above the glass ceiling must give up their entitlement.  Not share it, as that just creates more entitled.  The glass ceiling is not smashed but slid aside by those above and they reach down and lift those from below.

They greet them, welcome them.

They ask them what is their passion and what they want to do to make things better.  They mentor them, guide them, train them, support them, protect them, back them, be honest with them….Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.28.00

And the glass ceiling which is actually made of entitlement and not prejudice is not broken but dissolved.

I wonder what that Board Meeting would look like?