I have been a letter writer for most of my life, and still am.

A ‘Letter Card’ received from my teacher in Berri in 1970 – I was 9 years old.

I think this initially happened because we moved from the city to the country when I was in primary school and I kept in touch with school friends via letter.  I then moved back to the city for work and wrote letters to my Mum and Dad most weeks – well I really had no choice as they didn’t have a telephone until I was 16 (I still remember that if it was really urgent we would ring Mrs Gertig next door who seemed terribly sophisticated with an old black bakelite phone.  Mrs Gertig would very graciously get Mum or Dad or return to take a message if they weren’t home).

There is lots of discussion of late of how the changes and advances in technology are redefining our social interaction, especially in the lives of our children.  Which reminds me, I really don’t get the Facebook and other posts where it starts “Are you a child of the 50’s, 60’s and remember when you….’  which usually finishes off with something about the kids of today not doing that anymore.  This sort of post always troubles me in that aren’t you talking about your kids; which to me would mean that the reason they don’t do it is because you didn’t let them…. always confuses me.  Plus drinking out of the hose wasn’t always that great from my memory – plus, I don’t do it now!?

Anyway my post is not about lamenting what others don’t do but what I do and love to do.

I love writing letters.  I know it shouldn’t seem different between writing and sending an email or sitting down with a pen and paper and writing a ‘hard copy’ letter, but, somehow it just does.  For me it is the flow of my words, in cursive,  straight from my brain to the paper, no backspace, just me and a blank page to fill with words that might mean something.  It is also me imagining, as I am writing, the other person sitting there and reading it – even perhaps ‘saving’ the letter to read at a time when they can enjoy it the most.

Letters are also like time capsules.  I have kept just about every card and letter anyone has ever sent me (Yes, OCD is something I do not deny!)  Just the other day I had a phone call from an old friend and after a great chat I went and pulled out all their old letters.

Suddenly thoughts, feelings and even events that I had not considered for years (or in some cases even remembered happening) came back as if they were yesterday.  So, I sat down and wrote them a letter saying how glad I was for the phone call, and mostly for the friendship and contact (even though sometimes it was not for years) over such a large and varied history of our lives.  And, some of that history was captured in those letters which we wrote when we were young, priorities were different and we wanted to share it in our own words and handwriting.

I have been reading a couple of books lately about letter writing.  In both they often make the reference to the ‘lost art’ of letter writing.  I probably have to disagree a bit as I think it is more like the evolving art of letter writing.  I may not agree with that evolution but I think it is there, with perhaps there still being some hope in saving the heart of letters in an electronic age.

I think I have noticed this most in that even though I still write letters to my kids they don’t write back but when I see them they say “Oh, yeah, thanks for that…”   I have tried the ‘Facebook In-Box Letter’ but anything over 3 lines is skimmed over (a good trick with this one is to make it really long and somewhere in the text promise them money if they ring before a certain time – haven’t had to pay yet, even though they know I do it!)

So this doesn’t sound all that good for my advocation of letter writing and its evolution into something that is equal to the good old days.  But, I had written a letter to my daughter a while back when she was having a bit of a hard time.  I told her some good old fashion ‘parent sage’ advice and said that I was proud and loved her no matter what.  I didn’t ask her if she received the letter, I didn’t think I could stand an “Oh, yeah, thanks for that….” regarding something I had laboured over and put a little bit of my heart into.  Several months later on one of those rare moments when you actually connect with your kids, she took the cover off of her phone and showed me the letter which she had been carrying around with her since she received it.  She said that it helped her remember what was important. (Secret Dad misty moment….)

I also write my Mum who is in a nursing home a letter at least once a fortnight.  As I visit her every weekend, subject matter is often on short supply, so I recount times from the past or enclose old family photos.  I typed (that means wrote it on the computer and printed it) her a letter one week and she told me she liked my handwriting and typing didn’t feel like it was from me.  My kids tell me not to use cursive as they can’t read it!

I  suppose my letters may go unanswered but they will always remain snap shots in time for the recipient.  Plus, when I think about it I don’t write the letter to get a reply.  It is not a quid-pro-quo arrangement I have with any recipient. It is often not the content of the letter but that I took the time to sit down and write something that matters; or perhaps that doesn’t matter.  So often it is not what we say or do, but how we make someone feel that is important.  I think we all could agree that we cannot remember all the kind or cruel acts perpetrated against or for us, but we can always remember the feelings.  It is sometimes nice to have something tangible, like a note or a card while going through this lamentation.

I don’t think I have an magic formula for writing letters and after reading those couple of books on letter writing I am more convinced there is no formula.  If you have to go through a check list to write a letter than perhaps an email will do.  It is like what I call management 101, which is practiced by so many new (and often inappropriately) promoted managers….  say good morning, ask a personal question, tell them they are doing a good job, ask if you can provide anything… walk away, do the same to next employee…. walk to office… forget all previous conversations as you have a meeting to go to….

I think, while I can, I will always take the time to sit down and write that letter.  It is also often a time to sit down and write things for yourself;  nothing makes you feel so good as writing a thank you note; penning half a page sharing good new; a quick note enclosing a real photo is an intimate sharing of self; saying I love you feels just as good to write as read; I am proud of you lasts beyond the moment of that graduation when recorded for all time in a handwritten card; I am sad with you and for you is really shared when you hold the sentiment in a small card from a friend…..

Finally, I think my blog is a form of open letter to people who I think matter.