I am about to go on holiday for a couple of weeks to Bali with my wife.

We have decided that we will try ‘carry on’ only as we do travel rather fugally in the way we eat, what we spend, the sights we see… so we though let’s see if we can go away for two weeks with just carry on luggage.

We have done our research and understand that the allowance for carry on is 7 kilograms.

Today I checked by carry on bag, which has all my clothes, my toiletries, my camera, my shoes and my laptop…. it weighed 8.5 kilograms.  I started to angst about what to do!

I’ve decided that I’m going to do nothing – I am not going to unpack my little carry on and try and make the 7 kg limit.  In the event that they weigh it and there are any problems I have the following reply….

“My wife weights 54 kgs, I weigh 79 kgs, between us we have under 20 kgs of luggage; that is an approximate total of 150 kg’s for both of us with our
luggage.”

I will then look around and indicate one of the hundreds of people I know will be checking in at the same time as us, and say…

“That person over there, just the person, not their luggage, weighs more than my wife and I combined with our luggage, and we are not counting the snacks they are going to eat before they get on the plane!”

If at this stage it isn’t looking good for me to shame the check-in clerk to turning a blind eye, I am going to go to the fattest person I can see booking onto our flight and ask them to eat, either me or my carry on bag (I understand I will probably have to pay for tomato sauce and a Diet Coke!).

I will then arrange for them to to shit me out (or my bag) in Bali, hopefully somewhere near our hotel!

If you are a little over weight and this offends you – can I suggest you don’t eat so many pies and cakes – especially washed down with a diet Coke!