I try to be a better man in most things that I do – but, some things just shit me and people just shit me especially on escalators in airports.
The world is a busy place, everywhere, except on an escalator at an airport – where of course everyone is rushing.
I just don’t get it!
People run about all day, always in a hurry, driving like they are on a blood run for the haemophelic ward or concentrating on their smart phones as if they are personally advising Bill Gates. This is all doubled at the airport where everyone is in a hurry fearful of missing the plane that they are 3 hours early for. Yet, approach the escalator and the world changes.
Just as a side issue at airports. I like it that there are really only two sets of travellers. Those that appear to know what they are doing and are seasoned travellers and the rest of us. Well, I have ascertained that most of the airport is full of those only pretending that they are seasoned travellers and in fact most are really like us, but, they are just acting. Seasoned travellers are few in a crowded airport and you have to look hard as they actually fade into the background. The pretend seasoned traveller (hiding fear and trepidation – and using what they learned last time, and the only time, they have flown in the last 3 years!) walk with an air of I know what I am doing; but prolonged observation will see they are checking their watch, looking at the departure signs and reading every other advisory sign in an attempt to gain covert information that they can pretend that they always knew. Also the real seasoned traveller if providing help or asked a question will be polite and advise in a quiet and helpful way – avoiding any embarrassment to you. The pretend seasoned traveller on the other hand will often walk through the airport with their gaggle as if giving an orientation lecture to new employees and if asked a question or God forbid they offer assistance, it will be loud, it will be public and it will be with that smirk on their face that you just want to slap, but unfortunately you need to know where ‘Gate 4/B/Temporary’ is!
So back to the escalator (take the stairs if available by the way!)
On the escalators at airports the rules of the normal world of hurry, rush, push in and get there as fast as you can, no matter what, cease to exist. A new set of rules appears to apply for that 20 seconds of grid metalwork travel.
To name just a few:
- Notwithstanding that two seconds before they have been running, they suddenly lose sufficient coordination to undertake the transition onto a moving walkway. So they stop dead in the entrace to the escalator and take at least 3 hesitant attempts to get on. Of course the number of steps used to step on is in direct proportion to the number of people concetenering together behind like a hillbillies squeeze box.
- The above, is of course better performed if carrying or dragging a suitcase which appears as if they have just returned from 7 years in Tibet with Brad Pitt. This assists with point one, as it not only entails foot step coordination but the manoeuvring of a behemoth bag in front of heaps of other people with behemoth bags all thinking your bag is stupid.
- Although they have been rushing before the escalator, in an individual quest to get to where ever they are going, just prior to stepping on the escalator is the time to stop and search for those you are apparently travelling with. Point one doesn’t come into this as you stop right in the entrance to the escalator, with no actual attempt to get on, with your behemoth bag, completely blocking the entrance and turn around searching for your friends/family. This must be done with a look of complete obliviousness to any person lining up behind you.
- Finally (although I could probably rave on all day!) is the escalator blocker. Preferably travelling along, but couples are acceptable. Walk onto the escalator (behemoth bag optional) and stand right in the middle. The manoeuvre also involves obliviousness as in the above point to anyone who may be trying to get past. Of course those of us banked up behind would never actually say excuse me to get passed but all stand behind annoyed and if truly escalator gifted look at other travellers for disapproval or do a bit of huffing and puffing for effect.
I have travelled interstate (I live in South Australia, Australia) where there is ‘escalator etiquette’ which I believe breaches of, are punishable by death.
Maybe, it is not worth worrying about and just part of the ups and down in life (boom, boom!)
So, do I be a better man next time I am on the escalator…. or just give them a little push.