I thought I should write something for Father’s Day.

Firstly, what is Father’s Day – is it a day we celebrate being fathers or a day we are celebrated as being fathers.  What is the difference.  I think it is the difference between wanting to be recognised as being a father and being grateful for being a father.

I think I am the latter.

I don’t know if it is because I am getting older (and hopefully wiser) that I spend a lot more time being grateful for what I have as opposed to lamenting and complaining about what I don’t have.

I have 5 children; three of my own and 2 step children.  I reckon I’m lucky.  Of course there are days when I am plotting their deaths and I am sure there are days when they are actually in the process of having me assassinated; but, over all it is a privilege to have children (assassination and death plots aside!).  Not only is it a privilege to have children, it is a privilege to have children and live in Australia, where they have a pretty reasonable chance of growing up happy – where in a lot of other places in the world the chances of them even growing up are pretty slim.

I suppose as a father my main responsibility is to provide a sense of hope that although the world may at times be a pretty nasty and unfair place, there is a good chance of finding happiness.

I also think that the saying that we are not as smart as our children until they are at least 25 is as equally valid as realising that they are just doing what we did when we were young but we don’t recognise it, well basically ever, and when we do, we try to stop them.  I keep asking myself the question, Why?  And, I actually can’t think of a valid reason.  Yes, we may do this when they are younger to stop them putting a knife in the powerpoint or walking in front of traffic, but, do we have a right, or even a misplaced sense of responsibility in doing this when they are teenager, young adults, or even the 20+ adults that just wont leave home!

If you would have asked me this question a few years ago, or perhaps even a few months ago, I would have raved on about discipline, parental responsibility, experience, etc etc….  well, basically all the stuff my parents said to me.  But, today, not just because it’s father’s day, but today, after doing a reasonable job of being the benevolent family dictator, without the benevolence, I have realised that my responsibility as a father is not just discipline, home defence, no one sitting in my favourite chair, sitting at the head of the table and mowing the law.
My job is safety.

Not the home defence safety, not the child proof lock of the medicine cabinet safety, not the boyfriend/girlfriend assessment safety, not the ‘your grounded’ safety….  but the safety that involves being someone your children can trust.

It involves different safety codes that don’t involve a hi-Viz vest and an iron fist.

• The safety to tell the truth
• The safety to ask questions
• The safety to express as opinion
• The safety to make mistakes
• The safety to always call home home
• The safety of a hug
• The safety of unconditional love
• The safety of asking advice and ignoring it
• The safety of leading their life their way
• The safety of knowing Mum and Dad, Step Mum and Step Dad, will be proud of me for being me
• The safety of forgiveness

I have decided that Father’s Day is not about being worshiped with a coffee cup saying “Worlds Greatest Dad”, but a day for me, the father, to be grateful that with all my faults, I still get to feel that pang in my chest when I think of my children, and despite everything past and all things future, I know that being a Father is a privilege that provides no greater love in your life.