Author Archives: Ian

Better at Driving

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This post is actually about not being better a driving.

Traffic just sucks, all other drivers other than me suck.

A few years ago I used to drive around wondering at the phenomenon of ‘road rage’. I thought the entire process was pointless. And most of all I was proud of the fact that I was not a part of it. I was a calm driver. things just happen and if you keep driving then they are over, and most times they don’t matter.

Then something changed.

I can’t even put my finger on it (other than it being part of my overall distain at most of the rest of the world – on occasions…. this is not being a better man type commentary, but some days the world does nothing but suck – perhaps I need to write a lot more about what my friend Kate tells me about NOT JUDGING!)

I started to care about the driving of others. Not only at the time but seethingly afterwards. It has been getting worse and I don’t like it.

I bought a camera the other day. You know one of those constant record why you drive cameras. I realised that knowing I was being filmed all the time while driving would make me think about my decisions – especially as it also records sound (no swearing or abusing). Plus I knew then I (Me and Me alone) would be responsible for my actions and reactions.

It has been working, but I feel like it is a moral cheat.

I always say (and love to say) “Integrity is doing the right thing when nobody is watching” but “Integrity is NOT doing the right thing, because someone might be watching”. Maybe my driving does not have the integrity I like but sometimes our moral compasses needs a reminder that they are there and we need to follow them.

Better at Blogging Two/Too

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Well the blogging challenge was a complete failure, so I thought I would have a trendy heading working on the two/ too confusion to make it all sound like it was part of the plan….

No, it wasn’t.  I just now have to think about what it is that this is really all about. I make the commitment to write, and don’t.  I want to write and don’t.  So should I write?

I’ll let you know……

Easter Friday …. Where faith meets the knowledge that we can do really bad things to each other for no other reason than, we can, and we choose too…

Better at Blogging

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I have come straight to my blog without reading back anything I might have written recently, working on the fact that I haven’t written anything recently.

I was thinking that my blog was supposed to be my ‘writing experience’ on the internet.  A place where I could put down my thoughts and ideas and be considered a great sage… or something similar!  But, I suppose I have to actually write something now and again for that to even be a remote possibility.

So, the BETTER BLOGGING CHALLENGE.

I will trying being a better blogger by being a prolific blogger, well, for a week anyway.  I think most habits can be broken (just for information today is 7 weeks since I STOPPED smoking – I have not had one puff, and I think that is a record!!!!) and I also think good habits, practiced, can be instilled in life.

This is the first entry in the BETTER BLOGGING CHALLENGE.

 

Better at the Pinch Point

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I had to start off by showing this photo which I took of a truck which was stopped just in front of me at the traffic lights.

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The funny thing is that I had seen this sign a number of times and thought what is the world coming too when we have to caution a truck driver not to get his fingers stuck in the tail gate of his truck.

Then I remembered all the other warnings I have seen on normal everyday stuff: my favourite being ‘contents is hot’ on a take away coffee cup!

I also started to realise, well I have realised for some time, that the end of Darwinian evolution has come, as natural selection in the human race is definitely a thing of the past (If you want to watch a really average- yet a little bit scary comedy movie about this have a look at the movie “Idiocracy“).

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So back to the pinch point.

Firstly I just like saying pinch point, it has a good ring about it.

But do we really need to be warned about every pinch point in our lives. Doesn’t it sometimes pay to get your fingers caught so that you won’t do it again.

Do all the pinch points in our lives need signs.  Are we really that dumb.

I suppose when you think about not only the signs in factories but that some of the machines are set up so that you have to press buttons with both hands to activate it, so that you wont cut your hands off!  (strange thing about that is I first saw those machine buttons in the Eminem movie * Mile…. go figure?)  Maybe we are that dumb.  Or maybe we just don’t notice.

Machine Guarding- Two hand control

And what good are the signs anyway, if we don’t read them and definitely don’t obey them!  I suppose the two buttons on the factory press had to be put there because people kept cutting their hands off.

So there might be a lot of signs in the world warning us of the bleeding obvious, but perhaps they are necessary when we are wandering around most of the time on auto-pilot.  However, one of the reasons we don’t put our hand into a flame is because at one time or another we go burnt.  Maybe the pinch points in our lives are not supposed to be avoided; well not all of them anyway.

I know one thing.  As I get older the memories of getting my fingers jammed in the car when I was a kid are a good lesson to watch out when I close the car door, and any other door come to think of it (real and metaphoric!).

I don’t mind the pinch points in life.  And I do genuinely believe that most things that don’t kill you make you stronger (except the ones of course that maim you for the rest of your life…).  Avoiding the pinch points shows that you may have learned something, become a little better and perhaps a little wiser.  Having signs everywhere, just makes us better at blaming others when mistakes are made because someone forgot to put up a sign.

Remember….. no running with scissors!

Better in March

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Well it has been a few months into the new year and time has passed (I think in a blog one should avoid the subject of the bleeding obvious… but then again if that was the case then most of the blogs in the world wouldn’t exist!)…. time has passed and I often wonder whether I have moved forward or I have just been treading water. I actually don’t think that you can tread water in life… I was once told that it feels like you are treading water, but you are actually on auto pilot (and suddenly the thought of the video “This is Water” comes into my head.)

So, it is March. Months have passed by and I am still here. I wrote I am still here in bold as it is becoming a famous catch phrase of a friend of mine, in relation to going to funerals. When we are at the funerals of friends – which seems to be more and more each day, week, month year, …. we all walk outside (it used to be to have a smoke) and talk about life  or our friend/relative/acquaintance/funeral of person I didn’t really know but thought I had to go to, that we are all at.  And, it as at this time that my friend, possibly semi-sage, says “Just remember, we are still here!”

That is it, we are still here.

I have decided that I need to write more in my blog and less in my Journal. Or at least write more of what is in my Journal in my blog. I spend so much of my time trying to be a sage (and not remembering that the most important thing is that we are still here!) and actually sharing and letting the experience be about the daily, hourly, minute by minute struggle that I have in being a better man. And let me tell you being a better man is all about being all the things a man should be…. husband, father, sibling, son…. and on and on and on……and, that each day, I have a plan to be a better many, but, then the day comes and plays out in its own ways, and steals the time I planned for being a better man,  and the day ends not where I thought it should.  I also realise that it ends in the NOW, in the space that I am not noticing, because I perhaps have been on autopilot all day.

From today, I will write in my blog daily. It will be a struggle just like each of my days are. But I want it to be about achieving and not struggling.

Also……..

Today is a notable day; It is 4 weeks, that is one month, since I gave up smoking. (I have not had a puff..)

Now just that little problem of being a slim better man!

Better 2014

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It is the beginning of the new year and is seems a time for New Years Resolutions to be made.  I decided that the most important thing is that I live my mantras as on the Home Page of my blog:

  • BE PEACEFUL
  • BE MINDFUL
  • POSITIVE IMPRESSIONS
  • PEACEFUL
  • NOT TO COMPLICATED
  • MOMENTS OF JOY

and I think I have to reinforce to myself that I think the most important and the one that covers everything is:

I WILL BE A BETTER MAN

The better man thing is taking a whole lot longer and more effort than I had planned.  There has unfortunately been no flash of enlightenment and the better man imerging from the transforming cocoon (preferably overnight) has not happened.

It has more been like a trudge through ankle to knee deep shit, with the occasional dry spot where you get to rinse out your socks and wash down your boots before you continue the slog.  Not how I had planned it, but probably what I had expected.

A lot of the time I have been on AUTOPILOT and the BLACK DOG has come to visit more times than I would have liked.

But this is a NEW YEAR.

I know New Years resolutions are mostly destined to fail (from my extensive Google research only 46% last longer that 6 months!).  So is it really worth making them?  Well I am choosing to look at it this way – ALMOST HALF SUCCEED!

I think I am writing more than necessary at the moment because that way I can continue to avoid actually writing down my resolutions (which unfortunately I have written down before and have ended up in the 54% who don’t make it!), so here they are:

  • I WILL STOP SMOKING
  • I WILL GET TO 78 kgs 
  • I WILL MEDITATE DAILY

So there they are.  New Years are not always new beginnings, but why not draw a line somewhere that is easy to remember where the line is and have a go.  I am hoping to be in the minority this year and succeed!

Better with Bob

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Bob is a bloke who changed my life.

He was the mentor I had without having a mentor and the bloke who changed just about everything about the way I looked at the world.

Bob is a well know character in South Australia, being a Vietnam Veteran, Screw (prison officer) and a leading member of the Country Fire Service.P1020315

I first met Bob when he gave a lecture on Leadership at a work conference. I latter invited him to be a guest speaker on a training courses I was running; and after that I invited him to every training course I ever ran.

I think I did this because each time he spoke (and I heard him over 20 times), I learned something new.

Bob would mainly talk about life, how he saw it, how he saw the people in it and to a certain extent, what it all possibly meant.

Bob is the kind of bloke who believes the world needs more warriors and less victims. He often says, people walk around going poor me, poor me and finishes off by saying “Pour me, another scotch.”

Bob has given me a lot of information which I hope I am transcribing into wisdom.

I will hopefully be able to share some of Bobs wisdom (perhaps more often that I practice it in my life!) but if you are interested in a few of the things Bob is involved in, follow the below links:

Trojans Trek

Bob has also written a few books including his experiences in Vietnam and history on World War 2:

Crossfire
Silent Voices
Flashback

I hope in future posts I will be able to do justice to what Bob, often unknowingly, has said which has guided me, made me think, made me evaluate and sometimes helped me get rid of things in my life – I know one thing, he has made me a better man.

Better Water and a Mobile Phone

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I have a couple of vides that I watched the other day and wanted to put them somewhere were I could find them again.  And hopefully somewhere where people who like what I write will like things I like.  That is here.  Both videos I put up on my Facebook page, but so much ‘good advice’ and sage like quotations are posted on Facebook like leaves falling from trees in Autumn that they go unnoticed and have as much profound impact as the sayings they used to print on bus tickets (showing my age here!).

The first video is “This is Water.”  I will provide not explanation or comments until after you have watched it.

This is Water – YouTube

David Foster Wallace made this speech at his University to the graduating class.  The full speech can also be heard on YouTube – click here.

I always want to know more about people whose work I admire.  I looked up David Foster Wallace at Wikipedia and made the shocking discovery that he committed suicide (“suicided” depending on your political correctness views) three years after making this speech.  It just made me a little sad that a man could see the world so well as defined in this speech yet lose himself somewhere along the way.

Okay, shake that one off…….

The next video is I Forgot My Phone.  This is just a great video about how we are thinking we are becoming more connected and in fact are becoming more disconnected.  (1800 ‘Friends’ on Facebook which some kids have – really?!)  I watched this video and then I posted it on Facebook and got 5 ‘Likes’ and 3 Comments – the funny thing is that the day before I had posted a silly photograph of my mother and got 47 ‘Likes’ in a couple of hours?

I am hoping that insight in todays world is not just about looking at things but has something to do with actually seeing them and the ‘in’ part of insight has something to do with us looking at ourselves in a world we are a part of.

I do know that being a better man has nothing to do with getting more ‘Likes’.

Better at Connections

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Recently we had a dinner party and our friends came over and my wonderful wife cooked a wonderful meal – a culinary delight.

I felt connected and I don’t even know what that means. The company wasn’t hard. It wasn’t boring as our friends are smart and engage in witty and intellectually conversation. There was no competition or jealously, not spike or venom. Sarcasm was clever and reciprocated.

Conversations weren’t all safe and debates from different standpoints were flashed across the table.  Just to clarify, debates aren’t arguments – and there is nothing more enlightening than watching people ponder the comments of their foe and seeing that cock of the head when listening, and answering with the hesitation of an new understanding that perhaps they never had before.  During this evening this occurred sometimes, but if not, the opinions were thoughtful, unspiteful and genuine.

I sat at the head of the table and listen to more stories than I told (well I think I did) and if this is true it is a first.

Our friends left in a single wave and good buys had genuine hugs and firm handshakes – it was all punctuated with enthusiasm and firm arrangements for the future.

It was a good time and I felt connected. And I still don’t know what that means.

Maybe it is that friends are not about winning, losing, power or position; well not true friends anyway. Maybe it is that I didn’t have to try to feel as if I belonged. Maybe it is because friends come to a home, not a house or a restaurant, and they feel at home. Maybe it is because friends at dinner parties ask questions because they are interested in hearing the answers, because they are interested in you. Maybe it is because connection is about food and fellowship and laughter and friends and family and home.

Maybe it is about noticing the love of other couples, that makes you happy, because you know the love in your life makes you happy.

Maybe connection is about wanting to be with people because you want to know more about them; how they think; how they feel; how they see the world; and perhaps, having a little better understanding of yourself by accepting that others may thing differently to you; and that’s okay.

I felt connected because I felt safe;

Safe to be me
(I love, I hurt, I want to make a difference, I want to do the right thing, I fail, I don’t understand, I am interested, I feel okay to laugh)
Safe to talk
(Safe to tell my stories, use my language, also okay not to talk, silences that are okay, taking time to listen – really listen – and wanting to listen more than talk, time to understand, time to think before I speak)
Safe to be liked
(Not to prove, not to justify, not to be judged)
Safe to love
(Expressing love for wife, life and family, seeing how love lives in their lives – and accepting)

Tonight was interesting because it was with a group of relatively new friends. Considering my age anyone I have known for less that 10 years is a relatively new friend. So why is this a moment where I notice connection.

I don’t think it is something I noticed. I think it is something I felt.

I didn’t have to think about being a better man because I was in the company of better men and women.  Maybe I often don’t feel connected because there is nothing to be connected with.  Maybe tonight, in our home, we didn’t necessarily connect but found ourselves, in others; and perhaps we also found some of the things that we don’t have in ourselves, in them – and they gave it to us willingly and without obligation.

Connection is sometimes about friendship, lives shared and experienced together.

Connection is also sometimes about discovering the values and ideals that are important to you in new friends, or even old friends or even in people I have not yet met.  I look forward to those days, as even now the glow of our friends at our home, for a ‘normal’ dinner party, will remain as a made memory where due to everything, and perhaps nothing, I was a better man, and a lot of it lingers.

Better with lots of Cables

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I had a disaster in the shed the other day in finding white ants had eaten out most of the roof rafters.  It was a long time ago and I am glad I never went wandering around on the shed roof because I would have ended on the shed floor.  I had to remove all my ‘stuff’ from the shed to pull down the ceiling.  In packing stuff up, I was heavily into work avoidance and spending (read wasting) time on the trivial to avoid the main tasks.  I went to a couple of boxes that I had which contained all the cables you receive with a new TV, DVD, Stereo etc etc.

I had a lot of cables.

I had a lot of cables that were all the same.

I had a lot of cables I didn’t need.  Everything was already connected and working fine.

I thought to myself, I have too may cables.  All the same.  All of no use.  So, I unpacked the cables.  Folded them all nicely, with each individual cable held neatly in its little circle with a cable tie.  I had cable ties just in case I every needed them, and today was that day.  I was proud of myself for having the cable ties to tie the cables that I didn’t need.  I packed them all neatly and put them back in the boxes they came out of, and put them back to were they are stored; in case I need them.

I got to thinking about having to many cables.  I got to thinking about throwing them away.

And I didn’t.  I couldn’t.  I know I didn’t need them, I didn’t even really want them.

And I got to thinking are all these cables an analogy for something in my life.

And I realised.  I just had too many cables and I should get on with fixing the roof.