Better at Being Grateful (1/21 – Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on 01/12/2017 by Ian

A friend of mine, let’s call him Adam, because that is his name. Contacted me recently after finally coming out of a period of adversity and angst. He said I am taking the gratitude challenge…..

I said “What the….”

It had been my intention to plot with him to seek revenge on the people who had been doing the wrong thing against him – now was the time to strike. (So six months of collecting their garbage and following their family was out the window…. it was going to be a surprise for Adam, but I didn’t mention it….)

He said no, he was going to be grateful for the things in his life as he had been missing them, and most other things in his life while going through adversity. He had forgot to take notice of his real life and all the good things in it.

For me this was the usual state of affairs…. espousing mindfulness, enlightenment and presence while actually spending most days watching Youtube, reading old novels, drinking, smoking and avoiding people that would irritate me – which is just about everyone.

So, here I am on my blog, undertaking the gratitude challenge. I have realised there are a million different web sites advocating ‘gratitude challenges’, most doing so genuinely, other than a few using it as a ruse to to sell you stuff – I am already grateful that I have PayPal and didn’t accidentally buy $500.00 worth of porn site access – I was only one click away from the worlds greatest secret on the internet – or so they told me.

I have downloaded a ‘pledge’ to myself to be grateful, printed it out, signed it and includedit here – nothing like public shame to make one be grateful you are in a room where no-one knows you….. (This always reminds me of when you are getting a stern phone call from a manager or superior and they eventually say with great indignation against your non-cooperative failure to worship them “Do you know who this is” to which you reply “Yes, you are (insert name and important title here)” and them ask “Do you know who this is?” to which they invariably reply “No” – whereupon you say “Well get fucked then” hang up and scarper as fast as you can out of the middle managers office you were in taking a break….)

I also printed out the “21 Day Gratitude Challenge Calendar” which I have blue tacked to the wall (what is it that blue tack is one of the most under rated substances on the planet and not just a distraction to make the longest blue skinny snake in occupational health and safety lectures…)

All this stuff can be found on their site – http://gratitudechallenge.com

So I have begun – 2 days before fat people start using lent to stuff chocolates into their faces daily – and 25 days before Christmas – just in time to do all my shopping on the last four days when I will believe that everyone should be as grateful as me with the things they already have, so why would I make them unhappy and buy them more stuff?

Notwithstanding some belligerence in my attitude towards the world today, I did manage to write my list of things I am grateful for (Adam said I had to write ten things down everyday – I read the instructions for the ’21 day gratitude challenge’ and that doesn’t appear to be in the rules? Then again he probably went to a different site and is now figuring out how to hide the purchase of 100 hours of live cam action!)

So here we go:

Today I am grateful for:

Being Alive
I have led a pretty dangerous and neglectful life – I am grateful that I have survived this far – I sure am lucky.

Having Whatever Food I Want
Although this sounds bad, I am just grateful I have food – so many people in the world struggle just to eat.

Water
Although we have storms today and people will have trouble from them – I am grateful our rainwater tanks will be full and we drink clear fresh water everyday.

My Wife
One of the things I am most grateful for in my entire life is my wonderful wife Jo – I would forgo everything for her.

Being Retired
Although I am pretty young (56) I am very lucky (and it was good luck mostly) that I am able to retire securely and think about what to do next – as a matter of fact I am really, really grateful for this.

Having a Place to Live
We have been building a new house for a while and while we were waiting we live in a little rented shack – one evening Jo and I looked at each other and said, if this was it, that would be okay. I am grateful I have a home.

Having a Car
Isn’t it just wonderful that we can jump in a car and travel vast distances.

Being in a Free Country
I am grateful that I can live in a free country and not in fear from government or ideology.

My Kids
I still after all these year can’t believe I am a Dad – I am lucky and grateful for the privilege.

Being able to Read and Write
Both are joys of mine and I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t continue to do both – I am grateful for being able to read and write – not so much my spelling!

Better at Making Appointments

Posted on 12/11/2017 by Ian

I was attempting to make an appointment the other day to catch up with my children. I live in the country and they live in the city – so whenever I am down it is nice to catch up for a coffee or meal.

Yes, I know it sounds weird saying ‘make an appointment’ to catch up with your kids, but nowadays it appears that everyone is so busy appointments are the only way to actually see anyone….

Except there is a catch to making appointments. Most are cancelled, rescheduled (to be cancelled again) or everyone is late or has to leave early.

When I make an appointment I stick to it. When ‘other people’ want me to reschedule as they are considered ‘more important’ I say no – but, I do say when are you free and I will book it in. When it is BOOKED IN it is BOOKED IN.

I went to a function not long ago and there appeared to not be as many people as I thought were coming. I spoke to the organiser (let’s just pretend that was me) and found that 10 people had sick kids (a fucking plague!), 7 had family emergencies (disaster everywhere), 5 got called into work (always at the call of the Boss “I hate it but you know….”), and the best of all…. about 20 just didn’t turn up…. – all this occurred on the day of a function where we had 6 months notice!!!!

I must admit I don’t get it? Is it harder to say no than come up with an excuse on the day and actually lie. How about “I don’t want to…” “Not my thing” etc etc.

Pretend your Dr Saun Murphy in ‘The Good Doctor” and tell the truth!!!!

It seems the only people that make appointments now are Doctors (who are running minutes if not hours behind) and a few other professions who mostly cancel at the last minute as something more important has come up.

When I say above ‘something’ more important it usually isn’t. People seem to be running from something important to something more important most of the day (and night). I wonder what happens when after constantly rescheduling your day, cancelling appointments, running around to get organised, that you finally sit there and say I have rescheduled and cancelled everybody and I am finally sitting here by myself.

People can’t sit by themselves…. there is always a meeting.

(Just a little anecdote about meetings and schedules – the building supervisor of the empire State Building used to schedule 3 minute meetings during the entire day as there was so much work to do…. your 3 minutes started when you walked through the door and included when you walked out….!!!!)

I make appointments and I keep them. I have a ‘magic’ book called a diary. I write my appointments in the spaces that are blank and when someone asks me what I am doing at a certain time I go to that space and read out what is written there or if it is blank, I say, I am doing nothing. If someone wants to see me in a space where there is already an appointment I say ‘No’ and ask them for alternate times/dates – it works like magic.

Then on the time and date where I have something written in, I go to that place or greet that person coming to see me.

If someone says it is urgent they see me now – I say what would happen if I didn’t answer the phone, read the text or email…. (there is usually silence at this point…)… and I say when I am next free I will see you then…. it works like magic.

Often when people are REALLY REALLY REALLY busy and they can never appear to find time to catch up… I just group them all into one bunch and say I will be here at this time and place and you are welcome to come and say hello…. most start excuses before they even hear the time and date or place… That’s okay because I will be there anyway, not waiting for them but just waiting.

And with all the running around to more important things, the rescheduling and cancelling for more important things, the non commitment to a date and time until the last minute, just because there may be more important things…. I say one thing…. that’s okay.

Yep, that’s okay. I know where I will be and when I will be there and I hope you can come, if not as you are busy, that is okay. But, if I book a time and a place I won’t cancel for ‘more important’ things to see you.

If you are ‘time poor’ that is okay too… because i have the same number of seconds in the day as you – we just choose to spend them differently. buddha-quote

When all the meetings are finished, all the rescheduling done, the appointments cancelled and rescheduled, the functioned missed because of sick kids and lost relatives…. when all the time to see people, and meet people, and catch up, and sit around, and just be with each other whether at work or play are over…. when the day is finished, when the long day of your life is finished – check your diary (if you have one) and you just can’t figure out where all the time went and why you never go around to catching up with the most important things in your life…..

(PS: “Don’t quote the Buddha – be the Buddha” – I just love that one)

Better Retired (1 Year) – Happy Birthday Mum

Posted on 17/10/2017 by Ian

Well where did that year go. Where did my ‘gap year’ go – did it start.

So a year ago I retired from the Police after 38 years – coincidentally it was on my Mum Gloria’s birthday. She has been gone now for almost 3 years.

Nothing is permanent.

We live our lives oblivious to the only one true inevitability – death.

On my final day in the Police there were a few things I wish I had done. I wonder how big that list will be on my last day alive?

What if that day is today?
On my last day in the Police people asked me how I felt – I said relieved. I felt the weight of responsibility lift from my shoulders. Now this was a responsibility I had sworn to uphold (it was an oath I took pretty seriously) and I hoped on occasions I went beyond the call of duty. Often it wasn’t a duty, it was really an honour.
On my last day on this planet (working on the fact that I will live to be 85 – I have 10423 days left) I wonder if I will think that I had spent my time well. I wonder if each of those days I have left I will spend well. As the poem goes, I wonder if I would have spent the Top-5-regrets-for-EL-Mag-VF dash between the date of my birth and the date of my death well.

In thinking, have I spent the last year, my first year of retirement, well. Firstly, I suppose, I have to define well? Is it doing what I want to make me happy; doing something that is meaningful; doing things for others – is it all of these things. And if it is any of them, how do I measure it.

So, I am on the last day of the first year of my retirement – let’s pretend that it is not that day, but a day 10423 days into the future.

So, it is the future, 1st May 2046 and it is my last day and that day is today – I have a few hours left what should I do? Lets go through the list of what I have been doing and decide what will make the final hours bucket list…..

Watching TV (especially Survivor!) – NO

Reading or Watching the News – NO (I actually stopped doing that a few years ago…)

Shopping – NO (what do I need in these final hours – what have I ever actually needed?)

Visiting Friends – Some are so far away (and I haven’t spoken to them for so long?)

Write Thank You and Sorry Letters – NO (Wow that’s a long list, do I have time left?)

Visit the Kids – NO (They are so busy – and I know you only miss your folks after they are gone…)

Arguing over bills, or money, or politics or religion – who would I argue with? How would me winning any argument change my last day on earth?

Spend it with my Wife – I spend everyday with her, I tell her I love her every day, don’t I?

Spend it with Me – But, I know me don’t I (wouldn’t that be a waste of time?)

The clock is ticking and I don’t know what to do: there just isn’t enough time to finish everything and do all the important things. I can’t even work out what the important things are! I just keep thinking about all the things I have done (regrets and triumphs) and all the things I wont get to do. I am sitting there as the minutes turn into hours and my final day on earth is disappearing and I haven’t achieved anything meaningful all day…..

Unfortunately all the ‘NOWS’ in my life have become yesterdays or unfulfilled dreams of the future. What the fuck happened to everyone one of those 2,682,374,400 seconds – I just lived…. tick, tick, tick…. they just seemed to disappear in the noise of my life.

Now it is quiet and I have those final minutes, those final seconds…. what am I thinking….

But, as that clock tick’s those final seconds, each one is NOW: in each one I am alive and I get to truely experience it, the miracle of it, the absolute joy of that one moment….

As that last second ticks, I realise that I had 2,682,374,399 of them, that I may have
missed – glad I noticed that last one.

Back to the present – Lucky for me I actually have 900,547,200 left!

So, today, after 31,536,000 seconds of retirement: 89,683,200 seconds since Mum went to a better place; today on Mum’s Birthday, my ‘retirement day’ I am going to notice each one of those seconds.

I am going to be aware of me, of my life and that, in itself, is a miracle, a joy, and is in fact, right now!

Happy Retirement Day Ian – Happy Birthday Mum. x

Better swimming against the undercurrent of discontent….

Posted on 15/10/2017 by Ian

Something is not right.

As a matter of fact most of the people I meet feel the same as me, something is just not right.

Most of us feel it most days. We go to where we are going and see it along the way – we feel it in the people we meet – and mostly feel it, just under the skin. Like an inch you can’t quite locate. The pebble in your shoe that seems to move around – you take off your shoe, shake out your sock, put your shoe back on…. and a couple of steps later you feel the little niggle of it again.

What the fuck is it…..

It’s the constant undercurrent of discontent.

Something is just not right with my life.

I seem happy enough – but not quiet the happiest I could imagine.
I seem wealthy enough – but not quiet wealthy enough, to buy everything I want.
I seem to have enough friends – but not the friends that I want to be with all the time.
I seem safe enough – but so many things could go wrong.

I am swimming against the undercurrent of discontent… it is not sweeping me backwards, I seem to be able to hold my ground…. but I don’t seem to be getting to where I want to be.

So, I take a moment. And realise that although I believe my discontent is now, it is actually in the future. My discontent is about what I want in the future because I haven’t got it now. So, I take that moment and stop looking at others, stop looking outside me, I actually stop swimming against the undercurrent and find, to my absolute amazement, I am not swept backwards one inch….

I am happy.
I am wealthy.
I have friends.
I am safe.

From what I wrote yesterday, I took that moment and just stood there. I stopped living the discontent of where I am now because up until that moment I hadn’t been living there – I’d been living in the future. The future where I will be happy, and wealthy and safe – really?

Surely, and thankfully, the future is a mystery….

I know I can’t know what the future will be, so why am I living there. I know what the past was, and know I can’t change it. The only time machine which can go into the future or the past is in my head.

I have realised that my discontent, the discontent of the people that I see each day, the discontent of the world – is in fact the undercurrent of time travel that we are all living in.

The undercurrent is not water, it is not discontent, it is time – it is the time in our head.

The regrets of the past and the hopes of the future create a flow that ignores where we are right now.

Also in doing so I realise the under current of discontent has defined my happiness, my wealth, my friends and my safety – all are which are illusions of the past and future.

I’ve stopped swimming. I am neither upstream or downstream – I am just here, now.

….. and the water is fine.

Better at just standing there…..

Posted on 13/10/2017 by Ian

I was thinking of an old mentor of mine recently – as I do often, because the older I get the more his wisdom just makes sense and is spattered with old sayings from our childhoods that now we understand why our parents kept saying them…

He would often say when approaching an emergency situation:

“Don’t just do something, stand there.” dontjustdosomething2

Of course our first thought is this sentence is the wrong way around.

He would follow up with, stand there and take it all in, it may only be for a moment, a second, half a second, but during that moment let your grey matter do the work….

So you are standing there as calamity reigns… take this moment to ask yourself a few very important questions:

Am I in any danger.
If the answer is yes then the first thing is get our of that danger.
It’s probably not as bad as it looks.
If your not in danger, don’t panic and get yourself into danger.
Who is in charge?
If it appears nobody, then it may very well be you and you better get on with doing the job.

The interesting part of this great advice is firstly remembering it when the shit is hitting the fan; and secondly getting everybody else to stop running around causing more havoc….

My world has changed a bit over the last couple of years and the dangers I face are just not the same (I miss them a bit?).

However, the urge to run in full steam ahead still exists in most things I do. Often this is easy as the majority of people are usually oblivious to what is happening and the others are filming it to put on YouTube.

As I come across these ‘dangerous’ circumstances in my life I hear and heed the words ‘don’t just do something stand there’ – they are often followed by ‘take a deep breath’ ‘count to 10’ all good advice from previous generations, all ignore by the next.

But lately, it is not so much danger as ‘problems’ I have to deal with – I suppose depending on how you look at it, there is not much difference, only perhaps the increased chances of death versus an undercooked steak being returned to the kitchen. In making this leap – and it has been a leap – in dealing with danger versus dealing with problems, I have begun to realise there are in fact no problems. Yes, there is often danger, and in situations of danger the problem is dealing with fear. However in day to day life we just love to describe what is happening as a problem.

I am giving that up.

Things are only problems in our head – the reality is that they are just situations that we have failed to accept and as such want to change them into a problem so that we can fix them to being what we consider normal – or as importantly, what we want it to be.

A few examples I have come across lately:

The problem with ‘cold callers.’ Immediately where hear that accented voice, or the conversation starts with ‘you have been randomly selected…’ etc etc. We can feel our blood pressure rising and the annoyance at this ‘problem’ interrupting our very busy and important day. Really? You can just immediately hang up and get on with your day – about 2 seconds of ‘problem’ and it is stopped. I personally chat with them as I am retired and I ask them more questions about themselves than their products “How are you today” “Where are you calling from” “Are you married” “What sort of car do you drive” – often they just hang up (problem solved) or occasionally I have an interesting conversation with someone who I was randomly selected to have a chat with. I never buy anything.

The problem of people disagreeing with me. This is a particular problem as I am almost aways right – but, often so are they. So, I just let them disagree with me. I often and easily agree with them and then just go on thinking what I want anyway. Is there ever a real chance that someone who is addicted to an idea changing that idea because you disagree with them. Most times by agreeing with them the conversation is over as mostly they just want to argue anyway and it doesn’t matter what it is about.

The problem of not having enough money to buy shit people on the telly tell me I need. Forget this problem it just makes you hate your life now. If you buy what they tell you to, they will only bring out something next week that they tell you is better. Unfortunately this is not really my problem, but an epidemic of thought in our modern world – which quite possibly is the biggest problem we have today – which is being dissatisfied.

This list could go on forever, as most of us, most of the time, consider most of our life, a problem. The fact is that our life is not a problem, the people in it are not a problem, the things in it are not a problem, the things we do or don’t do are not a problem – even you are not the problem….

I am the problem.

YES! I hear some of you saying – he finally has realised it. And you are right. I have actually realised that I am the problem for even considering that things are problems – and often resisting them, fighting against them and/or, trying to fix them…… that IS the real problem.

Yeah, things don’t always go the way I expect – and that is okay.
Yeah, people don’t always act rationally or well – and that is okay

But, sometimes, most times actually, I don’t have to do anything, I just have to stand there.

I have to just stand there, sometimes physically, most times mentally and emotionally …… and accept it.

It’s funny to watch…. myself. Hearing that little voice saying, oppose it, fight against it, fix it, yell at it, change it, even the arrogance of the voice saying, I can make it better…… and I don’t, I don’t listen to that little voice…… and, nothing actually happens.

The situation (the problem) actually remains the same – but amazingly when unopposed, un-argued, un-fourght, …….. often, it just fades away, or fixes itself. It only actually ever needed me, for one reason, and that was to become a problem.

It was a situation – I just stood there – I accepted the situation – it still is a situation – nothing really changed except me.

Now, I can act, or not.

But, in doing so, it is ME doing it – not my arrogance, my ego, my learned or instinctive reactions and behaviours, my emotions, not my need to win, not my need to be a hero or even a victim….

To you the difference may be imperceptible – but to me, it is everything – and nothing – it just is.

Better an Alien Invasion

Posted on 25/09/2017 by Ian

I was chatting with a friend this morning and we were talking about an old 1938 radio play based on HG Wells “War of the Worlds”. The play was structured like rolling news broadcasts of an alien invasion. It created panic as people believed it was true (just to note, even during the news broadcast there were advertisements – which people apparently didn’t think was strange that they were being advised of a new dish washing liquid as the world was coming to an end?!).

We also started chatting about how most science fiction movies show that we are only invaded by completely incompetent aliens who we usually manage to defeat in a week or two! Always remembering that these aliens have managed to travel across light years of space to invade us, in technology beyond our dreams, yet we manage to defeat them by putting a computer virus into their systems, with a X Box – usually by a 10 year old and his tear-away class mates.

It troubles me that we would consider any invasion by aliens to be by dumb aliens when we look around ou own planet.

I think any alien invasion would only go in a couple of ways:

They would wipe us out from space and land after the dust settles and claim the planet now devoid of life.
They would fly straight past (like we do when looking for a motel in a small country
town on our holiday…) commenting – “We’re not staying in that shit hole!”
If they were really benevolent aliens wanting us to join the intergalactic community, they would land, attempt to have a chat with us, and then fly off commenting “What a bunch of fuck heads!”

I can’t see our first contact going too many other ways. We are basically belligerent children all arguing over toys we don’t need, but just want, so no-one else can have them.

I think it is strange that we, the human race, would think that any intergalactic alien race would want to be our friends…

What have we go to offer as a ‘new friend’. I would imagine after a few weeks of being the new aliens friends they would be talking to there old galactic mates, behind our backs at the interstellar bar saying things like:

Yeah I know, have you been to their house, it’s a shit hole. They never clean up, there’s always shit everywhere and they just dump their rubbish out the back.

I can’t stand it. They are always fighting, and it’s usually about sharing and who has the most toys.

At parties they always take the biggest bit of cake, and it’s usually the fat ones who do it.

Have you had them over. Mostly they arrive when they are not invited, they never bring anything except a bad attitude; they start a fight, usually wreck the place and leave us to clean up.

Has anyone met their mate Someone, or They? Apparently these two blokes are the cause of all their troubles and fuck everything up.

I think if I was an alien I wouldn’t want us as a mate.

If it was me, I’d drive on by or nuke the place from space.

PS: I was thinking that was a pretty negative note to end on so I have reconsidered. I hope when they arrive they conduct individual job interviews for entry into the galactic community – it would be interesting to see who gets a job and who is left behind? Seeing Nibiru (the mystery planet) didn’t arrive on the 23rd, and the world didn’t end 5 years ago in 2012, I suppose we all have a little bit of time to build our individual resumes…

Better Defriended

Posted on 04/09/2017 by Ian

I was having an on line discussion with someone over several days about same sex marriage….. (I’m voting yes – they have an ‘It’s okay to vote no’ banner on their profile picture) on the only true social commentary site of any validity…. Facebook!?

I made several comments. always respectful, always based on facts and often said I was interested and wanted to hear their arguments. I did not once swear, use offensive or abusive language. Dare I say I was actually interested in what they had to say about why they were voting no as in one comment the said it wasn’t based on any religious grounds – I was a bit keen on hearing their argument.

Of course on Facebook where this was all taking place it is often hard to not have a few peripheral friends wade in to ‘assist’. This was unfortunate when I received the following comment from a friend of the Facebook friend I was taking to…

“Harry Connor Jr. Firstly, look up Agenda 21, a globalist agenda being forced upon all nations under the Globalist Banking Cartel under the Illuminati. Only three more nations left to control, Iran, North Korea, and Cuba. Then research gender laws in progressive states worldwide. Go deep in your research. Start reading alternative news sources rather than the Globalist controlled MSM, aka “Fake News”, which is strong on Psy Ops and Agi Pro. I won’t explain all of these things as it is best if you do your own research. Also be aware that the big tech companies now control 99% of the data, and are censoring search in support of this Agenda 21. The Illuminatti is Luciferian to it’s core! Do all of this, if you dare! p.s. They are watching this thread (FB is a CIA front and a Globalist shill, (keywords and keyphrases), I can guarantee it!

I replied to the above input from Harry nicely “Okay, thanks Harry, I think you have answered all my questions” – and honestly I believe he did, mostly about Harry….

A strange interlude occurred during the above on line debate in that I met the person with the ‘vote no banner’ in real life shortly after – they had actually ‘complained’ that if I ever spoke to them in real life I may get to know them better. A fair comment I thought. I resolved to do that the next time I saw them in the vain of extending our Facebook friendship to the three dimensional world – maybe I would learn something.

So on the above occasion, when we did meet (in real life) I did…. I breached all electronic interconnectivity rules and said “Hello, how are you today”. I received a curt reply “Is that sarcasm”…. I said “Um, no, it was just hello?” They stopped talking to me and I did the same – I was starting to think I was in some sort of a no win trap here set by an social media evil genius. I was feeling outgunned so did something unusual and kept quiet….

I didn’t post any more on line and was just happy to let it all go for peace sake.

I logged on this morning and was devastated – I had been ‘defriended’ (not by Harry above) but by my Facebook friend. It did appear that I had overstepped the mark in real life by saying hello and as such had received the ultimate social slap in the face by being ‘DEFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK’ !!!!!!

Oh, the social shame and horror. There is a silver lining in that I suspect this action may be seen by those who do it as a result of failing to justify their arguments, opinions and ideas as a justification for those same arguments, opinions and ideas – irony and hypocrisy in one neat little package – but, who am I to judge. It is a sad social media truism that in this particular debate on same sex marriage it again has come down to using the ultimate social media ‘debate winning’ tools of:

Judging and vilifying people who you don’t agree with….
Using what is supposed to be one of the ‘most offensive words’ for a female, by a female…. (albeit by using a clever and dare I say mildly amusing meme…)
Defriending on Facebook….
But my favourite part of this entire process is the many likes, thumbs ups and supporting comments for the abuse and offensive language by those who up until that point had no input in the debate (other than Harry who did not stoop to abuse in the debate but at least presented his argument, albeit not something I would have correlated with this particular subject – I am going to contact him later, perhaps, about the ‘flat earth’ theory and those pesky fake Apollo moon missions….).

Social media is such a great place to share an opinion or a belief (or hopefully sometimes an idea)…. but, it must always be remembered that when you do this, what people may never have known about you, or perhaps may have only suspected, becomes obviously apparent by your post – and a lot of the time this may not be a good thing…..

‘Defriending’ people on social media is such an easy thing, just a click of the mouse. Being ‘defriended’ can sometimes sting a little bit, but then again, it is perhaps more of a reflection of that person, who most probably was never a real life ‘friend’ in the first place.

In the past I have ‘defriended’ people. In the two major occasions I have done this it has been in real life (I just had a thought in that I have never defriended anyone on Facebook – yeah I hide their news fed so I don’t have to listen to diatribe or self indulgence that brings a little bit of sick into my mouth – but I have never defriended anyone. I suspect because in doing so you perhaps give the situation more attention that what it’s worth, even though it is just one small mouse click away.)

I have had to tell someone they were not only not adding any value or joy to my life but I was troubled in that I believed they were making my life much worse and on one occasion even dangerous. I did it nicely and wished them well. I even say hello whenever the planets align and we are in the same space together – even have a chat and hope they are doing well.

Defriending and friending are perhaps a greater indication of us than them. Perhaps in the future I will spend a little more time cultivating my friendships – where ever they may be situated – instead of filling my time with the non-friends I do not yet have.

Better Father’s Day

Posted on 03/09/2017 by Ian

Let’s firstly start off believing that Father’s Day is not a complete commercial fabrication by the Media (there Merchants of Misery) and that it is a true and genuine recognition of all the wonderful Fathers out there…. okay, now with that done, what really is Father’s Day about.

Is it really just a day where Dad gets breakfast in bed and a new pair of socks – or better still a handmade pottery mug (it used to be an ashtray!) and a handmade card from the kids. Probably.

But, what about this Father’s Day, being a day for Dad to do something different.

Hey Dad, take this time to say one thing “I am a Dad, wow, how lucky am I.”

As a Dad, through some miracle of nature I got to be immortal – my DNA will go on forever and there will be people who will remember me for at least a generation or two. How lucky I am to have the privilege of being a Dad.

On Father’s Day everyone does a lot of thanking Dad, but on this Father’s day I just want to say thanks to my kids. I want to say thank you for the privilege of being a Dad.

Some days (not only on Father’s Day) I wake up and think to myself I still can’t believe I’m a Dad – and all my kids are in their 20’s. I sometimes, for no reason, get that little pang in my chest when I think of them for no reason (they are usually 100’s of km’s away at the time) – it is a flash thought about something they said or did, maybe years ago, or maybe last week, but it flashes into your mind and heart in an instant, and there is not feeling like it. And, we let it pass and get on with our day.

When that feeling comes again, stop! It doesn’t matter what you re doing, take that moment to have that real experience of being a Dad – that place in your heart that is filled with nothing else except the love for your children. It’s a magic moment that we take for granted, but comes from nothing else other than being a Dad.

For me Father’s Day is really all about being a Dad. Not by receiving thanks and presents from my kids, but my being the most grateful man in the world that I have the privilege of being a Dad…. I really still can’t believe it?

My kids are now out in the world making their way. And I am glad of it for them. It is their time now and they are out doing what every generation have done before them – the only difference is that it is my kids now.

I don’t mind when they don’t ring, I don’t mind when they still think home is a hotel and food is free and anything in the fridge is fair game. I don’t mind when they forget appointments, anniversaries, birthdays or can’t make it to family dinner – I genuinely don’t mind one little bit…. I miss them, but I don’t mind.

Sometimes when I just sit and listen to their stories about their lives and I offer no sage Fatherly advice, I just listen – that is the moment that matters.

Sometimes when I am cleaning out old draws and I find an old picture they drew in primary school (I think it is a cat, or maybe a cow – it could be a house) – that is the moment that matters.

Sometimes when I look at old pictures, when they were small and hugging me like I was the only person in the world – that is the moment that matters.

An all these moments fade into the distance because when they do remember, when they somehow get lost and stumble back home, when they ring because they need you or just want to tell you a story…. in the instance that the phone rings or I hear the knock on the door and it is them – that is the moment I cherish the most, that is the moment that matters.

Fathers Day to me is a day for me. It is a day were I take all of those moments, good and bad, and realise I am lucky, my kids are a miracle, and being a Dad is the best present my children have ever given me – and I wrapped it myself.

Happy Father’s Day.

Better Positive Language

Posted on 30/08/2017 by Ian

This post is a disaster – I’m positive! To save time go straight to the end.

I wrote an article a couple of years ago about the use of the term “Yes No” – okay it doesn’t sound like a term of speech but everybody was using it – have a read, click here.

I thought this phenomenon was over, well it is, I think, sort of, um, yes and no, yes no, well, pretty much…. Oh, God I have become one of ‘them.’

I would just occasionally like someone to use ‘positive language’ in answering my questions.

What do I mean by ‘positive language?’

I think the best way to explain it is to look at what it isn’t. Here are a few examples of the opposite to positive language answers:

Me to the mechanic “When will my car be ready”
The mechanic “It should be ready Friday”

Me at the bank “Are there any charges for this transaction.”
The bank teller “No, there shouldn’t be.”

Me in the supermarket “Can you tell me were the tomato sauce is please?”
Supermarket staff “I think it is in isle 5.”

Me to a mate at the pub “Is this illegal”
My (Ex) Mate “No, I don’t think so.”

Other great ‘key words’ are ‘probably‘ ‘maybe‘ ‘sometimes‘ ‘usually‘ etc etc

I am confused. Surely you know something or you don’t. Things either are or are not. Why do we give these answers and more importantly why do we accept them?

Is it because we are afraid to say “I don’t know” because that may actually entail us having to find out – or is it because we don’t care, on either side of the question?

I am sure some of these questions are more important that others…. e.g. “Are there peanuts in this?” or “Is this a live wire?” or “Are you allergic to this medication?”

However, surely if we get ourselves into a situation of asking questions and accepting answers in the realm of guessing the trivial can suddenly become important. Or, again do we care.

What is usually the purpose of asking a question? Is it to gain information or to abrogate responsibility?

I am beginning to think that as we walk around this earth, mostly quite oblivious to our purpose here, our ultimate destination unknown and our lives dictated by the media (the merchants of misery) we are getting to a point where the questions don’t really matter and the answers are even more irrelevant because in the end it will always be someone else fault anyway.

I also think that asking many of these questions and getting any definitive answer is a moot point, as we have already made our assumptions, formed our opinions and have our own beliefs that so influence the current situations that further information is only asked for and answers given to annoy us.

Let’s revisit the above questions with our assumed, believed and set opinions in the open:

Me to the mechanic “When will my car be ready?” (Thought: Why am I asking it will be a guess anyway and they are always late….)
The mechanic “It should be ready Friday.” (Thought: Fuck knows)

Me at the bank “Are there any charges for this transaction?” (Thought: The bank will rip me off anyway so why am I asking – how will I pay that electricity bill?)
The bank teller “No, there shouldn’t be.” (Thought: How would I know – you’re in a bank there are charges for breathing!)

Me in the supermarket “Can you tell me were the tomato sauce is please?” (Thought: I have a rough idea, I’m just too lazy to look…)
Supermarket staff “I think it is in isle 5.” (Thought: Fuck knows, I’m 15 and only been working here for a week…)

Me to a mate at the pub “Is this illegal” (Thought: I’m doing it anyway, I just need an excuse..)
My (Ex) Mate “No, I don’t think so.” (Thought: Of course it is you idiot… this is going to be great!)

Okay, probably not true in every case, but maybe a few.

It’s just that I think we ask questions about a lot of things, no caring about the answer but seeking reassurance that what I suspect is something I don’t have to worry about and if I ask the question I can blame someone else.

In addition when the shit does hits the fan I can say I asked and they said ‘Yes’ and they can deny it.

So, where does the responsibility actually lie – in the question or in the answer. I think both. Plus it doesn’t hurt to ask and it doesn’t hurt to say “sorry I don’t know.”

And, then there are just sometimes when we ask questions because the other person doesn’t know and we do….

Reader of this blog “What is this article trying to say?”
Me “I’m not really sure?”
Reader of this blog “But, surely you wrote it to get some point across?”
Me “Initially I did, then I got a bit lost as to what that point was. I think I
just wanted to have a whinge and for someone to listen?”
Reader of this blog “So what should I do now?”
Me “Probably get on with your life.”
Reader of this blog “I think I will.”
Me “I should too.”

We then watched Netflix for 4 hours and laughed at Youtube clips until we were board.

I had to leave and pick up the car – it was due last Thursday…..

PS: I have just re-read this blog, I didn’t get it. I read it to my wife and she said it was a complex concept and confusingly written – she is a good judge. I laughed at having wasted 30 minutes writing it and as such – just HAD to publish it immediately! My explanation of positive language I am sure has been a failure – I think! I am sure most haven’t read this far anyway!

Better the Glass Ceiling (or Floor?)

Posted on 02/08/2017 by Ian

I was chatting to a friend the other day who works in a professional capacity and she said that she probably wasn’t going to get any further promotions as she had ‘hit the glass glass ceiling…’ Screen Shot 2017-08-02 at 09.19.20

Of course, as a man, I responded that as a woman she could have at least brought the Windex and given it a bit of a clean…. (I suppose that comment is one way to
get more hits on this post… and probably a couple in the face!)
So, what is this glass ceiling. Mr Google had a good definition:

“an unacknowledged barrier to advancement in a profession, especially affecting women and members of minorities”

Yeah, sounds right to me. So what are some strategies for breaking through this glass ceiling? Thanks again Mr Google:

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

Original article compliments Mindtools – click here to read full article

Identify the Key Competencies within Your Organisation

What are the values of your organization?
What behaviors does your company value and reward?
What type of person is promoted?

Set Objectives to Align Your Competencies With Top Management

Let your boss know that you want to work toward a higher-level position.
Ask your boss what skill areas you need to develop.
Work together with your boss to set goals and objectives, then monitor and measure your performance.

Build Your Network

Reach out to new people on a regular basis.
Get involved with cross-functional teams.
Expand your professional network outside of your organization. If you can’t break the glass ceiling in your company, you may have to look elsewhere for opportunities.

Find a Mentor

Is there someone in upper management you can approach to help you?
Will your boss be able to provide mentoring support?
Are there people with strong political power who can offer you assistance?

Build Your Reputation

Seek high-profile projects.
Speak up and contribute in meetings.
Share ideas with peers as well as people in higher positions.
Identify places where your reputation is not what you want it to be, and develop plans to change them.

Know Your Rights

Finally, watch for discriminatory behavior. Sometimes biases and stereotyping can cross the line into discrimination.

So there you are – SMASH, CRASH and you’re through the glass ceiling!

You have become ‘one of them’….. Yahoo, you are a success!

Why is that such a good thing? Is it the money? Is it the power? Is it just the principle?

Or, are you really one of them? What does that actually mean? Is it a good thing?

Why should you have to break through the glass ceiling? What are the people above the glass ceiling thinking? What have they got that you haven’t?

Or is the more important question ‘What are they missing that I have but they don’t recognise or appear to want?” – What we really say is “What is wrong with me.”

It has taken me half this post to get to the point. What is it? Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you!

This ‘glass barrier’ is being looked at all wrong. We below want to be those above but in doing so we give up something. What is it? We give up all the things that those above have given up to be there. We give up the knowledge that the barrier exists.

Yes. Ask anyone above the barrier of its existence. They say it’s a myth. Ask the CEO if his organisation has a class, gender, race etc etc barrier and he (or even she) will (unless somehow enlightened!) will say no. The strength of the glass ceiling is in the denial of its existence by all those above it.

The trick of the ‘glass ceiling’ is that it has taken a long time to create – not years, not decades, but centuries. It has become for those above it, so normal, that it is unnoticed and beyond their ability to comprehend.

Our roles were assigned long ago. The interesting and probably most perverse attribute of the ‘glass ceiling’ is that it is no longer just based on gender, race or a myriad of other physical, personal, social, religious, economic or race identifiers, but, on a mindset of entitlement.

Those above have it. It is not an understanding it is just something that you have. Those below don’t have it. They cant understand what it even is that they don’t have. But, when they break through the ‘glass ceiling’ they suddenly have it, that mindset. They just get it, they don’t understand it and realise that they don’t have to understand it – as a matter of fact most don’t even realise they don’t realise.

So getting above the glass ceiling is not done by smashing through it from below – because that is not what happens. You pass through the glass ceiling in a process of osmosis and suddenly you are above it and you are one of them – instantly – and standing on the still intact transparent floor below your feet.

The glass ceiling can not be broken from below. It must be stamped on by those above who realise that their entitlement is as transparent as the floor. It is the realisation that those below have talents, attributes, skills, knowledge, ideas, passions etc etc that can make a difference, a positive difference and create mutually beneficial situations for everybody…… it is something that we are all entitled to have, share and benefit from.

But, those above the glass ceiling must give up their entitlement. Not share it, as that just creates more entitled. The glass ceiling is not smashed but slid aside by those above and they reach down and lift those from below.

They greet them, welcome them.

They ask them what is their passion and what they want to do to make things better. They mentor them, guide them, train them, support them, protect them, back them, be honest with them….

And the glass ceiling which is actually made of entitlement and not prejudice is not broken but dissolved.

I wonder what that Board Meeting would look like?

Being A Better Man

Who never made a mistake, never made a discovery….

Author Archives: Ian

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