Author Archives: Ian

Better at Being Grateful (11/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
Reply

Todays challenge is:

Try to see the world through the eyes of a child.  Think about the things you take for granted on a daily basis, and then express gratitude for everything down to the basic necessities that sustain your life.

Okay this is a good one, because after last nights gratitude for ‘taste’ and the personal swilling frenzy that proceeded, childlike is the best I can do this morning.

Screen Shot 2017-12-12 at 11.28.48Initially I had difficulty in seeing the world at all let alone through the eyes of a child, but I did manage to walk around the house naked and then wee in the garden.  It was at this time that I was certain my head was going to explode so fell asleep on the kitchen table in a high chair – Jo (Mum) then fed me with accompanying aeroplane noises…

I then thought more like a child and crawled up in the foetal position on the lounge for an hour….  I was grateful at this point that I hadn’t died – then again at this particular point death was certainly an option to escape the headache that was feeling like my head was one of those Mattel learning toys where kids try and put different shaped block through the holes…

I slept like a baby – grateful.

I woke up and at sometime during the proceeding two hours it had become afternoon and the approximate temperature in the lounge with no air conditioning and all the doors and windows closed was equivalent to that of lava.  Screen Shot 2017-12-12 at 11.27.33I was worried about having a  childlike fit so stood (okay I sat down) in the shower and plugged the hole with my bum until the level was almost sufficient to drown me…..

I was still hot, so went outside and so stood under the sprinkler for a short time – naked.  Jo said I needed to get over it so got dressed in a Spiderman costume and went to the shops to get an iced coffee – they didn’t appear to notice my outfit.

Why was it getting dark?  Apparently I had missed most of the day.

I supposed when you are being childlike the old adage about ‘when you are young the days are short and the years are long’ applies; today certainly felt like it lasted a year.

I went to be early grateful that I had survived.

 

 

Better at Being Grateful (10/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
Reply

Todays challenge was “To pick one of your five senses to focus on each day.  Take note of how many gifts come to you via a single port of entry.  Write about this experience.”

So, now I don’t only have to see what is right in front of me but I have to listen to it, smell it, touch it and then lick it, really!2017-12-07 -

I just couldn’t do a day on each – firstly I like to notice, but not too much and some things I don’t want to see; secondly because I can listen to a lot of shit and tolerate it, doesn’t mean i can do it all day; I can smell something is wrong, so probably wouldn’t hang around (we are not even talking about farts here…); touching things all day will probably get me arrested; there are lots of things I would lick and there are a lot of things that licking, especially in public could be problematic….

So, as I have decided that I will follow the calendar with only one thing a day (that was the original deal – I think the pledge I signed wouldn’t stand up in court over this one by the way!) – I think having to double up on being grateful for the next 4 days after today, is stretching the friendship and our legally binding contract.  So, today I decided to on the hour, wherever I was I would concentrate on one sense for one minute (I actually wrote it all down in a little sheet I made in my diary but noticed when I scanned it in you can’t read it so I will do a quick transcription):

0700 See
The morning light through the window woke me up – better than any alarm!2017-12-11 -

 

0800 Hear
The birds in our front yard when I was having a coffee outside – I even heard their wings!

 

0900 Touch
When I was meditating a breeze came (really slight) and it was cool and refreshing…

 

1000 Smell
That second cup of coffee!!!  (PS: I can still hear the birds!)

 

1100 Taste
Okay, bad one!  I had a cigar and it was wonderful (deadly… but…) (Sorry to all my sense – but I really enjoyed it and took my time)  Perhaps I am grateful that they are not illegal?

 

1200 See
I looked around my office wher I was doing my blog:  I saw the sun outside through the window and shed window – and decided to go out there.  it was better.

 

1300 Hear
We were just at our house in Berri and next door at the Berri Club was the kids Christmas party – I noticed above everything else the laughter of the kids playing – nothing like it.

 

1400 Touch
I had to move a heavy water feature at the house – strained to lift it and move it around on the sack truck – I liked the feeling of using my muscles – maybe not tomorrow!

 

1500 Smell
Getting hot outside and I walked down the block at home and smelt that summer hot ecalyptus smell that is only in the Aussie bush – grateful for living in the country.

 

1600 Taste
Time for a really cold cider – glass/ice/really cold – how do they make it so cheap and taste so good!!!!

 

1700 See
On the deck.  Noticed the shimmering of the heat haze coming from the fence – never noticed in before in living her almost 12 months…

 

1800 Hear
Grateful for the quite of the country – just sitting, having a cider, taking a moment…

 

1900 Touch
The cold ice (getting another cider) – ice in the Aussie summer – it is a miracle – grateful.

NB:  It is at about this time in my notes that my handwriting starts to deteriorate a little and my observations become a little more abstract….

 

2000 Smell
The ashtray smells – grateful I emptied it!!!

 

2100 Taste
Cider time!!!  How do they make it taste so good…

I only made my little time line go until 9.00 pm which probably is a good thing.  I wrote this the next morning, hence the late post – I was grateful I didn’t die from a hangover.

I hope tomorrows challenge is easier and doesn’t involve so much drinking….

 

Better at Being Grateful (9/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
Reply

Todays challenge was “To enjoy the people around you – take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities…”

Shit!  Another day of having to notice stuff right in front of me.

Wow!  I am writing this the morning after…2017-12-07 - _0001

Yesterday I tried, I really tried….

  1. I drove from our place in the country as I was looking forward to going down to Adelaide to see my mates at the shooting club.  I set off early, there was no traffic, I had plenty of time even though I knew there were a lot of road works.
  2. I made great time, not speeding and the road works were fine.  Virtually no traffic and I seemed to come up behind cars just before a passing lane and went through smoothly – the coffee Jo made me before I left was still hot a Blanchetown so I didn’t stop anywhere….
  3. I hit the traffic at Gawler, but was on the northern expressway and then Pt Wakefield road and it was all cool – I was ahead of schedule…
  4. I thought I would just stop at McDonalds (as Jo wasn’t in the car!) and get a quick bite to eat – I was ahead of schedule.
  5. Pulled in, first car in the line, simple order, go to pay.  They get my change wrong – that’s okay – “No, I gave you $21.20 and it was $11.20 so that’s $10.00 change” – blank look as I hand back $8.80 – “didn’t you give me a $10.00?” – “Would that mean my meal was $1.20” – blank look with hand open showing change.  Much pressing of buttons on the till.  “What did you give me again?” “I gave you a twenty dollar note, a dollar coin and a 20 cent coin – $21.20, the meal was $11.20, thats $10.00 change.” – blank look, reaches out takes money from my hand. Much pressing of buttons on till – car behind beeps horn – girl with blank look hands me $10.00 (does not speak) – I say “Thanks, sorry about the confusion.”  – blank look “Welcome, to McDondal’s can I take….”  I drive to the next window.Screen Shot 2017-12-10 at 11.13.30
  6. In the 10 metre drive – I try to be Zen, greet the morning sun, this is not important…. peace, tranquility, zen master entering my head…. breath….
  7. Next window – another blank face – hands me a bag and a drink “Here’s your order” – “Thanks” I say to empty window.  Check order – wrong burger – waiting for coffee.  Blank face comes to window “‘you right” (the phrase I hate the most in the world) – smile “My burger is wrong and I ordered a coffee.”  blank face – takes bag.  Returns a millennium later – person behind beeps horn – bag handed to me “I ordered a coffee as well?” – blank face – empty window.  I smile – it don’t mean nothin’…..  blank face returns to window – can you go to the parking bay please – “No” “What” “No” – person behind beeps, puts head out window yells “Go to the parking bay…”  She looks like a nice lady with kids.  I can now see the cars encircling the entire McDonalds.  Person behind beeps.  Blank face at window “If you can go to the parking bay we’ll bring your coffee over.” Why argue, “Okay” – blank face disappears – I don’t move.  Nice lady behind beeps and gives me the finger. Blank face appears, coffee appears “Thanks” “Have a good one” “Sorry?” “Have a good one” “What, coffee?” “What?” “What?” “No, have a good one” “Good what” “What” – I drive off this could go on all day – I am now late….
  8. I drive to the club to se my mates, I am late, but they make me laugh and when I tell them the McDonalds story they will tell me to lighten up and take the piss out of me – a good day!
  9. The Club is a sty.  I have to go into 4WD to get up the track, the trees are so over gown it is like driving through a big green flapping brush carwash, I park randomly like everyone else, I go to the club, it makes a sty look neat, weeds, peeling paint, rubbish, overgrown.  They have already started and I miss the first part of the shoot.  I get ready and come to the line.  Someone says are you grumpy, you look grumpy, did you just drive down.  I get ready and go to shoot.
  10. I step to the line, “Fire”  I can’t see the target, I am shooting high – I run out of time and only shoot half by rounds.  I go to the target which is mostly blank, I still can’t focus – I am wearing the wrong glasses – I check my gun and I haven’t adjusted the sights..  I don’t write down my score which is not in double digits anyway.
  11. I pick on the committee members present for the rest of the day about the state of the club, what’s happening in a number of other club matters and generally am grumpy (as identified earlier and denied…) – I am relentless.  I feel bad after the shoot and I am sorry and say so to my mates – it is too late.  I feel bad.
  12. I leave early after the shoot (I am just leaving and have a long chat with an older member of the club who is 20 years my senior but I have been mates with for 30 years – he is such a good block – makes me feel bad…)  I leave as I was going to stay down and catch up with other mates tonight….  I drive to the Riverland.  Even a stop at Bunnings on the way doesn’t help.  I ring friends and cancel plans for tonight and apologise – I tell them all the story about my day – I am boring myself after the second phone call.  I eat fatty food at the servo on the way.  I drive at the speed limit, don’t pass when I can, but just go slower.
  13. I get home (I have already told my wife about my day) my wife greets me and says lets just have nice night – Frozen is on TV and seeing everyone says it’s so great and we’ve never seen it lets watch it.  Great I say!
  14. We watch it – it is rubbish and even Jo says so.  I read, Jo goes to bed and I follow before midnight for once.  I just want this day to be over.

Nobody died today, but I am glad it is over.  It wasn’t a disastrous day – it was just like the Chiko roll sitting in my guts for 100 km – unpleasant with the feeling of a little bit of sick sitting constantly in the back of your throat.

So my challenge today:

“To enjoy the people around you – take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities…”

I appreciate one thing and one thing only.  That seeing this is not the first time I have Screen Shot 2017-12-10 at 11.27.15been a relentless pain in the arse, that these people are still my friends – I am undeservedly grateful for this.  Thanks (and sorry again!)

I’m going to watch a video I have referenced at lot again:

This is Water David Foster Wallace

Better at Being Grateful (8/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
Reply

Send thank you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition.

Well, obviously I am not reading too far ahead in the ‘Gratitude Challenge Calendar’ as I spent most of the day before yesterday calling people and sending letters, cards and notes.  Seems like I almost deserve a day off being grateful and sit around being pissed off about… well, everything!

But a promise is a promise and the most important ones are the ones we make to ourselves….

So I have decided to write ‘thank you notes’ to 5 people who I am grateful for in changing major aspects of my life.  No, this is not even about my family, friends acquaintances  – this is about the celebrities!!!  Which reminds me of an ongoing bitch I may have mentioned before when people say who was the most influential person in your life and people invariably say “My Mum/Dad’ – to me this is so lame – of course our Mum or Dad are the most influential to all of us – but what about the people that you choose to be great influences over your life, not the ones that are common to all of us and were thrust upon us, for better or worse – most don’t think that much….

So I have chosen dead people to write my little thank you notes to….

That way I can just write them here and hope that they are reading them… not over my shoulder as that would be a bit creepy, but more in a sense of knowing that they left a legacy, even if some of their influence over the years for me has changed – which is a good thing.  Or, as importantly what I thought was the truth was only the truth insofar as it led me to find my own truth – they were the catalyst for me understanding, or the kick start on the way to wanting to understand, or occasionally, even in the past, helping me be more grateful….

Albert Einstein
The greatest quotes of all times.  My favourite (okay one of them) is: Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
What I learned from Albert and I am am most grateful for – Genius doth not make the man. Thanks.

Emiliano Zaparta
Emiliano’s most famous for the quote “it is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.”  I believed this for a long time, and fought to stay on my feet.  It was a good quote to teach me a lesson – living is better than the alternative, and often surrender is the better option versus dying.  By the way, Emiliano died on his feet, is almost forgotten and the above quote has been attributed to others.

What I learned from Emiliano and I am most grateful for – dying for a cause is probably a stupid death. Thanks.

Gordon Livingston
(This one is a bit of a cheat as he is still alive…. but, Im saving a dollar and not writing to him in the real world…)  I found his book “Too soon old, to late smart.”  This man has insight, wisdom and the scars to prove he earned it.

What I learned from the good Doctor and I am am most grateful for – His book “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart.” was one of the catalysts to me being a better man.  Thanks.

Sun Tzu
He died a long time ago and was a warrior of renown who’s legacy live 500 years after his death.  He was a ruthless killer who’s philosophies have been adapted to modern business teachings and strategies – scary really.  He teachings have merit – but, no war does (see Emiliano above).  I read his book and a lot of associated notes occasionally just to make sure I understand them, not in war, but in peace.

What I learned from Sun and I am most grateful for – knowing when to fight is the most important thing (and from his readings I read ‘The Art of Peace’ by Morihei Ueshiba). Thanks.

Nelson Mandela
(Woops, you’re not dead yet either…. oh, yes you are, I just checked! – Lucky!)
I learned that the Government of the day make the laws and if you decide to overthrow them through violence you go to jail for 27 years.  Then you get out, the world has changed and you become President of a country and a great leader…  Why?  Because during those 27 years you changed – you accepted your fate and tried to understand it.

What I learned the most from Nelson and I am most grateful for – knowing that people can really change and past behaviour is NOT a definitive indication of future behaviour.  He also gave me the poem ‘Out of the Night that covers Me’ – which he read not wrote!  Thanks.

 

 

 

 

Better at being Grateful (7/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
Reply

Todays little challenge was to take a picture of one thing, person, place or specific moment that makes you feel grateful.

So here they are – one was not really enough!

IMG_2471

Grateful for my new shed

I have a new shed and a concrete floor!!!

The build for the new house has been a long haul… but we are close now and I am grateful that I am able to do this with my wonderful wife.

 

 

 

1

Grateful for rusty steel

 

Rusty Steel!

I am grateful that there is just heaps of rusty steel lying around up here.  I’m gunna build stuff!

 

 

 

 

2

Grateful at Loch Luna

 

Sugarloaf Hill at Loch Luna, Barmera.

I climbed up to the top of the hill and stood where my Dad’s quarry used to be… good memories.  For those memories, the break in the weather when I was there today (smoking like my Dad did!) – for these things I am grateful.

 

 

3

Grateful at Lake Bonney

 

The peace of the river (well in this shot lake Bonney)

Often we don’t see what is right in front of us – no matter how big it is.

I took a moment today and just sat there.  I am grateful for that moment and the place I was able to spend it.

 

 

 

Well, a picture is supposed to say a 1000 words….  I think, that thinking is more important than words – and thinking that you are grateful for things, feeling it, experiencing it, and most of all acknowledging it … there are not enough words.

Funny how in taking these pictures, I had to actually look around me to figure out what I was grateful for….  How ironic that most of the things were right in front of me all the time? The photograph is a nice reminder – the knowledge that each photograph was taken, not for the image, but for the feeling, was like having the best filter, ever.

 

Better at Being Grateful (6/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
Reply

Todays little challenge was to call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and let them know how much you appreciate them.

2017-12-06 - _0001So I made a few calls.  Actually I made a few calls yesterday and I will probably make a few calls tomorrow…..

I also popped a couple of little notes, and not so little letters in the post to people I know would appreciate receiving them.

One of the things I always think about when I am writing letters is a mental picture I have of when the people receive them – I suppose this is the main reason I write them.  And I always mention that it is okay that they don’t write back, because most don’t, and it really is okay by me.

I haven’t got much else to write today as I am a bit tired as I have found that one thing 2017-12-06 -about this little ‘Gratitude Challenge’ is that it generally makes you feel a little more positive about most other stuff.  For me it has also made me not react to the shit that floats past me during the day.  So, I am a little tired because in being that little bit more positive you get more stuff done – and that makes you tired, but it is a good tired….

 

Better at Being Grateful (5/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
Reply

Todays little gratitude challenge is to spend 5 minutes writing about all the wonderful things you currently have in your life – not things you want, but things you already have…..

A buddy of mine who is also doing the challenge is writing ten things each day he grateful for, so I will follow his lead today and write 10 wonderful things in my life.

I’m going to not mention any people or things, just circumstances….:

  1. I get to choose each day how I will spend it.  Being recently retired you do find that you are sometimes busier than what you expect, but that is often a good thing as you can say no or you can say yes.
  2. I go into my shed and am grateful that I have a lot of tools and projects to do.  It is my intention to die with at least 10 projects on the go.
  3. I am pretty physically okay.  Yeah, I smoke, still, but I am still here and know that my health really is the most important thing to have a happy and active retirement.
  4. I am constantly finding new and interesting things to read.  Just lately I have discovered new genre of novel and a few non-fiction books.  I am also finding that they are cheaper and I have learnt to read them on an ipad which I don’t mind as you can read a night without a light and highlight and save text.
  5. I am enjoying learning to drive and use my new Kubota!!
  6. I really enjoy talking about and planning the things we are going to do around the new house and garden – a big job but one I am looking forward to.
  7. I am really enjoying doing more writing.  I am doing a bit of everything including this!
  8. I am meditating more and enjoying it – I really think it makes a difference.
  9. I am happy with not keeping up with current affairs and watching the news.  It is not that the news troubles me, it is the reporting and sensationalising that gets me going.  I don’t need that in my life – and if it is something important enough someone will tell me.
  10. I like to enjoy being with the people I am with and not worrying about those I am not.  We so often wreck an interaction because someone didn’t call us for a while, or when scheduled, or visit, instead of just enjoying the moment when they do.

I just wrote my little descriptions above and decided I would try and get it into a list of one word to best describe what I was really grateful for from each set of circumstances:

  1. Choices
  2. Projects
  3. Healthy
  4. Reading
  5. Learning
  6. Gardening
  7. Writing
  8. Meditating
  9. Positivity
  10. Appreciative

Being grateful and showing gratitude, even if it is by not complaining, does make you feel better.

 

 

Better at Being Grateful (4/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
2

Today I realise I was a day behind in my ‘calendar’ so will be grateful in two ways:

  1. Writing about something I feel grateful for in my life today.
  2. Writing a short message of thanks about the ‘negative’ things in my life

One
Today I am grateful that I didn’t have to interact with too many people.  I am grateful for me and for them.

Two
Okay this is a hard one – not that today I found the above one easy – obviously!  I have been sitting here for a long time thinking.  On a good day only the people in my immediate vicinity shit me – on a bad day it is planetary.  Doing this reminds me of a series of videos I was going to do called “Things That Shit Me and People Who Can Get Fucked” – it was a way to deal with the “6 Percenters” and those who walk amongst us who really, really, need to be told to get fucked.  I never made the video’s, other than the one telling people why I was not going to make the videos – I still sometimes think I should have made the videos….

So here is my short message for today of thanks about the ‘negative’ thing in my life:

“I am grateful today I did not have to deal with them in any real way”

So, what was today.  Well it was a day when it was hard to be grateful for all the things I know I should be grateful for.  It was a day where it was best to do nothing as opposed to do damage.  It was an inside day with an inside voice.

The best part is that I am appreciating the silence of the end of the day.  Not all days are good days – and I suppose that’s what make the good days good…

Luckily tomorrow is a mystery….. I am grateful for that.

 

Better at Being Grateful (3/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
Reply

Well, I said I would follow the calendar in yesterdays post…. so hard for me to follow instructions… so here goes – “One word, one letter of the alphabet for things for which you feel grateful”….

Before I actually do this I have decided today to give away the broad brush approach and micro-look at my life.  As most men will know, it is the little things that count:

I am alphabetically grateful for the following things:

Air

Breasts

Cars

Drugs

Envelopes

Food

Guns

Hair

Ink

Jo

Kids

Laughing

Massages

Nature

Office

Peacefulness

Quietness

Red

Sight

Tools

Understanding

Values

Water

PS:  I just wrote the first thing that came into my head – that was positive of course!

 

Better at Being Grateful (2/21 Gratitude Challenge)

Posted on by
4

Sitting down and writing what you are grateful for is pretty difficult – and I am only on day two!  Gratitude to me does not come naturally! I am writing a separate list each day which I will paste in below as I share it on my Facebook and all the other social media thingos I feel compelled to shovel dribble at, or Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 10.23.22onto!

And in writing that list I, much like yesterday,  was taking a broad brush approach – much like when you ask people what they want most our of life and they say “To be Happy!”  It doesn’t really mean anything…

I have post-it notes all over my computer with my “Mantras”, lists of little positive sayings, priorities for the day and a bookshelf full of self help books….  for God sake my blog is called Being a Better Man!!!!

Grateful is a hard obsession for someone who is obsessed about being obsessed.

So after my grateful list today (only because I have already written it) I am going to use the www.gratitudechallenge.com calendar and let go of me thinking I am being the better man when I am just really being a control freak!!!!

So here (in an abridged version) is the calendar:

  1. Today you start The Gratitude Challenge. Sign the contract and make a commitment to take note and give thanks for the next 21 days. Express why you accepted this challenge and what you hope to achieve from it.
  2. One word, one letter of the alphabet for things which you feel grateful.
  3. Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.
  4. Write a short message of thanks about the “negative” things in your life.
  5. What are you grateful for today – now!
  6. Take a few minutes to call someone you haven’t talked to in a while.
  7. Take a picture of something you are grateful for.
  8. Send thank you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition.
  9. Enjoy the people around you.
  10. Focus on one sense all day.
  11. Try to see the world through the eyes of a child.
  12. Everything today has a positive outlook.
  13. View three friends or family members through only a positive lens.
  14. Review the last two weeks since you started The Gratitude Challenge.
  15. Focus on yourself today.
  16. In front of the mirror – pick 5 things that you love about yourself.
  17. Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.
  18. Write down why you are positively unique.
  19. Review and celebrate your life choices in a positive way.
  20. Write a thank you note to yourself.
  21. Reflect on the 21 days of The Gratitude Challenge and what it meant to you.

…. and today I am grateful for (remember I wrote it before I reviewed the above calendar):

Today I am grateful for:

  1. Being Alive
    I know I put this one yesterday as my number one but I had to mention it again – you see I was adopted. So, I am lucky to be alive and put up for adoption – thanks heaps birth Mum Wendy.
  1. Having Met my Birth Sister
    Thanks again birth Mum Wendy – I am so very grateful to have my full sister Jo in my life.
  1. My adopted Mum and Dad
    I miss them everyday, but I am so grateful they chose me. They are just in my heart everyday.
  1. Friends
    You know you have good friend because just thinking of them makes you happy.
  1. Technology
    I just love it. When I was a kid I watched science fiction movies and was so disappointed when I thought I would never see these things in my life. Now they are here!
  1. Electricity
    The marvel of just flicking a switch and everything comes on. Technology would be a bust without it.
  1. Photographs
    I have 58,000 photographs on my computer – they are just like little windows to a moment…. I love looking at them, I weirdly enough love looking at other people photographs even if I don’t know who the people are…!!??.
  1. People who Accept Me
    I am not the easiest person to get on with or the best of friends – but, there is a group of people who just accept me, why? I don’t know, but, sht, I am grateful to them – they humble me.
  1. Stationery
    I love to write letters – stationery is my friend.
  1. Change
    It drive us crazy, but makes us better. I love the feeling of getting out of a rut, even if it is through a change you didn’t instigate or want. Change is, will always be and often is actually better than a holiday.