Well the day is almost over and I am sure many of us took the time to ask someone, RUOK – we may have well been asked ourselves.

Why are we asking today, RUOK? Is it as a platitude; a response to a very well run and important campaign…. or are we asking with full expectation of any possible answer.

Hey, are RUOK?
Well, actually I’m not….

WTF (Not the answer we were expecting….)

What now?

I often ask people RUOK and get asked a lot myself. I often call people having challenges in life; I ask RUOK on 365 days of the year…

I often tell people I call, that if ‘well meaning’ people ring up and ask if they are okay and then say “If there is anything I can do, let me know”. I tell them to reply “Well as a matter of fact there is….” (It is important that the ending of this sentence says something along the lines of….) ….. “Can you come around and wash my car?” “Can you do my washing?” “Can you come around and clean my house / wash my windows / weed the garden…. etc etc.”

And…. the silence on the line will be deafening.

Okay, this is a bit cruel (but you may get your car washed!) but, the point is by making that phone call you have already done more than most.

I have a wonderful “Band of Brothers”, my beautiful daughters and friends and family from the wider world.

I am lucky.

They ask me if I am okay all the time; and when I am okay they are proud of me; when I am not okay they are there. I don’t ask them to wash the car but they would.

I know, without a hint of doubt, embarrassment, guilt, or feelings of weakness and failure, that I can call them when I am not okay… this is their greatest gift.

For which I will be forever grateful.

So, today, on RUOK day, be that person who resolves to ring that friend, tomorrow or next week.

Then when you make that call, or drop around unexpectedly, or invite that workmate for a coffee; understand that you have already done a lot, and more than most.

When your friend, relative or workmate is not okay, know that unless you have lived it yourself, you can not understand what it is they are going through. This sounds harsh and ungrateful for all your kindness… but, unfortunately it is true…. and that is okay.

This knowledge saves you expending your efforts in trying to understand it or fix it. You can then put all of your efforts in doing the easiest and best thing… just be you.

Today, I am okay; actually nowadays, most days, I am okay.

Why?

Because when I wasn’t okay, when I was as far from okay more than I could have ever imagined; I reached out and there were the hands to hold me up, and some days they carried me, in heart, mind, spirit and body.

From their love; from their actions; and often from that phone call; laugh; a hand on the shoulder; a look and a nod; I am okay. I am thankful, grateful and humbled.

Tomorrow, or the day after, or next week, month, year, I may not by okay… and as much as I don’t want this to happen; I feel safe in it…. because, of the people in my life who ask me RUOK, or give me permission and confidence to reach out and say “I am not okay today…”

Be these people; be there, ask, or reach out. We are all doing our bit which can change the world. It can change or save a life – perhaps your own.

I believe we are all here for a purpose; it may not be too evident in those dark hours; but, I believe it is true… I think we all know it. I had to go through my darkest time to truely feel that my purpose, yet unknown, and perhaps never known, was always there.

Each day, I let go, let Go, let love, guide me. Some days those thoughts, and those thoughts alone, are enough; and some days I need others; and hopefully some days I can be there for others.

I am still here.

I am okay.

… and most days that is more than enough.