Monthly Archives: September 2018

Better Brevity….

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I am verbose.  I just can’t help it.  My kids tell me, my wife tells me …. and my mates just walk off or hang up, after saying “I’m bored.”

I read my wife my blogs and she just about always says “Yeah, I like it but….”

If you are a smart man you know the ‘but‘ will always undo any good work you have done!

So, taking advice is one of the hardest things in the world to do – especially if it involves changing something that you like to do – for me one of those things is exposing my knowledge to everyone about everything (asked for or not… e.g. this blog), telling stories (usually as pointed out again by my wife, having only a slight resemblance to actual events), ‘helping’ people by telling them what to do (see above… I hate this as well!) and writing pages of what I believe are profound words never before experienced by my hungry for knowledge and appreciative readers….. (?!)

My wife says these things are all okay, as with all things men do, requiring modification at their wife’s ‘suggestion‘ so that the man she never wanted to change when she married him, changes to the way he will find his life the happiest – I hate ‘happy wife, happy life’ but how true is it!

For me, at the moment that is brevity.

Making the verbose brief.  The profound short.  Stories to the point and unexaggerated – most are good in original form anyway.  ….. and a phrase in any marriage listen to often by the men, but never to be uttered – ‘get to the point!’

It’s happening now – I am being verbose in my brevity.

So, my posts will be shorter.  Like this one.

Better All Tech Marine – Renmark

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Blatant Advertisement!

I hate shit service and most of life when you look at it, involves various degrees of shit service.  (I am writing another post called “Better with Bullshit ” about all the unbelievable things happening in our world – some of which is that ‘service’ in all forms is a thing of the past – yet we all just tolerate it….  I am not publishing that today because I just wanted to write something positive!)

This is a blatant advertisement for a local business here in the Riverland at Renmark because they know about customer service – All Tech Marine Services.

There is a back story to this and that is my little boat ‘el deso’ – I semi inherited this boat from my old mate Des when he shuffled from this mortal coil a few years ago (read about Des in my post “Better with Des Steele, my friend“).  It is not a big boat, or a great boat, or a fast boat or in fact a particularly pretty boat, but it is a boat that Des used to ‘take on holidays’ with our mate Puk (we always said that he took it on holidays because they used to tow it to various locations and decide that each day was better spent filled with ‘a fair component of fuck all’ as opposed to all the trouble of boating and fishing – gotta love that philosophy!).

So, one thing about ‘el deso’ is that it is all about the sentiment.  Which of course makes you vulnerable to spending money out of that sentiment instead of out of any thought of sensibility and practicality….

Now ‘el deso’ is a bit old.  I think around a 1978 Rover hull and until recently the loudest pre-mix 2 stroke Mariner motor on the market – I think about the same vintage, or even older than the hull.  All Tech Marine had managed to salvage the motor once buy actually making a part for the motor when they couldn’t source it anywhere in Australia – and even on that occasion came in under the price they quoted me.

 

So we get to the last few weeks.  The motor again had a ‘few glitches’ and parts were just not available.  I spoke to the guys at All Tech Marine and set a budget and asked if they could source a motor suitable for good old ‘el deso’….  a week or so later (with a few updates per phone during that period) Paul contacted me – almost as excited as me!  …. he had found a motor, had to get it shipped here and managed to do a deal with a mate… etc etc…. it was a long story and involved his personal commitment to getting the job done in budget: actually it was a pretty cool story involving his contacts for my benefit….

New motor, new Bimni (fitted and better and cheaper than all the others I had been looking at on the internet….)…. and the motor, fitted, with new controls and even for the first time a few gauges in the dash which told me what was actually happening back there!

So, why the big deal about getting service that you expect.  Because we always expect it but rarely get it!  The team at All Tech Marine felt like mates doing me a favour!

Yeah, I paid.  But, I paid a fair price and more to the point I was happy as a pig in shit with everything.  I could have been taken advantage of over ‘sentiment’ and they knew this, but actually did the opposite and could understand that sometimes ‘important’ has a different meaning…

So ‘el deso’ hit the water again a few days ago – I even took the wife!  …. we were going to go fishing, take it for a trial burn up and down the river…. and then we decided to spend a moment thinking about my old mate Des, being a bit grateful for a business that ‘gets’ that some boats are a little more than water transport… and filled the majority of the day with ‘a fair component of fuck all….’

 

Better Weathering the Storm

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I read some time ago that emotions are actually physical reactions, hardwired into us, whether it be genetically or from the reprogramming of our life experience…. I believe this.

Your ‘physical emotion’ then is perceived by your brain and an interpretation made….  this is individual.

If someone is tailgating me – my emotion is anger…. if someone is tailgating my wife – her emotion is nervousness.  Upon our brain interpreting the physical emotion we then create the feedback loop to our body of that interpretation – the body reacts to that, and then we escalate our physical response and the cycle continues.

If you catch your body providing you with an emotion, and you catch your mind making the learned interpretation… maybe it won’t be the same learned interpretation this time.

Maybe that anger at the tailgater can be seen differently…

“Shit, where did he come from.  Is that arsehole close enough.  That prick. I’ll fucking show him…….    Hang on buddy!  A minute ago I was driving to the shops and looking forward to a coffee – what has changed?  The way I am looking at it.  I am not actually angry….  Okay mate, you’re up my arse – for whatever reason, I’m sure its not going to affect my day I was enjoying 1 minute ago.  I’m slowing down, pulling to the side, way you go…. okay, thanks for the finger and mouthing of ‘fuck head’……   now where was I.  Oh, yeah, I think I’ll have a donut with my coffee….”

…. and you beat the body emotion.  It is gone… it is like a magic trick we were never taught and never knew how the rabbit got into the hat and suddenly found out.  It can’t be that easy – but it is.  It is will, and surrender – the will to do it and the surrender of a grievance whether real or imagined.  ….. and like magic I am on my way to a coffee and donut and looking forward to another stamp on my coffee card.

Sometimes we all feel to much – our bodies feel too much about too little and our mind get it wrong.

I wrote a little think to myself the other day about anxiety and depression….

You feel too much…

You appreciate your life too much…

You love too much…

You love the things and people in your life too much….

You actually feel too much about being alive….

It overwhelms you: life.

…. and in doing so;

You become overwhelmed and not overjoyed;

You think you are wrong in it;

Wrong for it;

It is you who is wrong and not worthy of this wonder.

And this, these thoughts,
Stop you from moving past the overwhelming into the joy of it all.

You have to weather this avalanche of emotion,
connection..
concern..
involvement…
and insight…
to peacefulness.

Through to peacefulness,
Through the moment.

How?
Through meditation – but, if that doesn’t come to you,
Through taking each moment in the moment without reaction;  weathering the storm without resistance,
Not tightening the sails against the wind or fighting the rudder – but running with it.

Run with the wind,
Surf down the face of the waves,
Breach the breaks,
and appreciate the troughs.

Why?
Because the storm will pass.
You will forget the storm.
The storm will never have happened except within yourself.
It was a dream you created…
… and when the calm comes;
… when the peacefulness engulfs you.

The anxiety never was; the depression imaginary.

Better at “Playing for Keeps” – TV Bullshit

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Sorry this is not a post about anything profound like actually ‘playing for keeps!”

It is me getting sucked into the world created by television and the media (the Merchants of Misery – by the way I will keep using this term until it is accepted into the Australian Webster dictionary as the alternative name for the media….).

The other day I accidentally watched the news, and went mental – then today I accidentally watched and advertisement ….. I am so dumb!!!

I saw the advertisement for a new TV series ‘Playing for Keeps’ about to premier on Channel 10 – of fuck, I just realised this entire blog will now be considered another advertisement for the show!!!

Apparently the series is about WAGS – wives and girlfriends of AFL football players – I hate the fact that they even have their own acronym!  Why? Why? Why? I ask are they so important, or important enough to have their own TV series… even imaginary as it is.

Yes, I know we will all be entertained and wonder at the bitchiness of the characters and even be able to name them and discuss their interactions and relationships by the end episode one…. but, why.

Why?  Because this is the world the media wants you to wish you had.  this is the life that is supposed to be normal and sought after.  Being rich, being famous, being glamorous, being in the lime light….  if you are not this and not wanting to be this, you are not striving for the right things.  this is just so much fucking bullshit it makes me sick.

It is none of us, most of us will never be it, and those that do are living the lie that was created so that we could all want it too.

Are we that stupid to think that any of this matters.  Are the WAGS as important as the players – are the players even important – is the game even important.

Don’t get me wrong here, I love the footy – it is the great Australian game and my wife and I sit down to watch it… ( admittedly she is actually a greater fan than me – she does barrack for Port Power so need I say any more…!) and we even go to the games when we can – it is great entertainment…. nobody dies (only occasionally and that is a little sad… and dare I say unlucky!)…  the world is not changed by the outcome of a game of footy – and the world is most definitely not changed by what some WAG wears on the red carpet – why do we even have that – why do you watch it?

So, “Playing for Keeps’ does have some truth in its title.  It is getting us all to put all our hopes and dreams into things that will define our futures, that is playing for keeps, but it is all lost in a fantasy that has been sold, reinforced, made the most desirable thing, which are not the things that matter….  you are the medias puppet in your desires.

Plus, think for a moment those that really do play for keeps – our soldiers, our emergency service members – not some fucking footballers ex-groupie now wife! (PS:  I am sure there are some wonderful ‘WAGS’ out there who fully support their partners and create wonderful families and lives and contribute to the community – bet they are not depicted in this series!)

Yes, I watch TV – yes, I get sucked into Survivor, The Bachelor etc etc etc……

But, I know it is not true.  I know my life, my hopes, my dreams, my desires must be more than a moment of fame, recognition, glamour, possessions and bad relationships in a fake world.

I haven’t mentioned in my last couple of posts this is all about my quest to be a ‘better man’ – it is a hard task as I get pissed off about so many things.

Perhaps my ‘playing for keeps’ is knowing that you don’t get reruns, a take 2, or often a second chance – with that knowledge I know that I wont waste a minute on wanting something, watching something, or believing that something is good or bad because someone else tells me so – especially when they are trying to sell me something at the same time.

NO SALE sorry.

(PS: Apologies for the typos, spelling mistakes and sentences that don’t make sense – I wrote this in a frenzy and then realised I’d rather be in the shed doing shit so just pressed ‘post this shit’ – it’s a special button I have on my computer!)

Better at Achieving

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

What a stupid question to ask a 13 year old in their first year of high school – what a stupid question to ask a 17 year old just before they decide what University course they will take to shape the rest of their life.

I think I have spoke before about a question I ask my friends – all around my age (50s) – when I say if money wasn’t a problem and you couldn’t fail “What would you do?”  (I always say I would like to be an astronaut;  but, if I want to be realistic in this unrealistic question I discount that one – I choose my passion….)….  do you know the vast majority of my friends say “I don’t know?”   …… how sad.

Surely we all want to achieve and go about each day doing that – the problem is that we don’t know what it is that we want to achieve.

I suppose that’s why I think most of you are shit.  That’s why I think politicians, the Merchants of Misery (the Media), the retailers, the wholesalers, the farmers, the importers and exporters are all working towards stopping me from achieving what I want to do, what I want to be…. they are just all trying to fuck me up and are just getting in my way.

Then, not long ago actually (and possibly 45 years too late…)  I realised that I was the one that was shit – no-one was making me feel shit, I was choosing to feel shit.  No-one was getting in my way – I was the only one getting in my way.

I wasn’t achieving because I wasn’t, I just wasn’t;  I was to busy blaming everyone else for all the things I wasn’t doing.  The thing is that achieving is not getting a better job, a promotion, a new car, TV or house – all those things are transient, they all get old, they all break down or the new one comes out and we can’t afford that one either.

Just to let you know, you will never be happy with anything you own because something bigger and better will always come out tomorrow… you are chasing a happiness that will forever elude you into the future.

You also won’t be able to find happiness because like the new car, the newer car, and the car that hasn’t bee invented yet…. happiness is an infinite goal.

How do most people answer the question “If you could have anything, what would it be?”   Most people will answer “To be happy.”  It is the answer without meaning.  It has no meaning like all Miss Universe contestants wanting world peace.  Because when you are happy, which is an undefinable state of being, surely you would only then want to be happier, or more happy, or the happiest!  What is the limit on happiness.  Happiness is a futuristic myth.  Happiness is already here – just like achievement you just aren’t doing it.

But, if you are trying to achieve things while everybody is stopping you, with the ultimate goal of being happy – isn’t that just an impossible hope.

Wow, how pessimistic – the best part is in the end, you die!

But, what if it is not about stuff, or getting ahead, or getting that car, house… and following the dream of ultimately being happier.  What if being happy is a lot like love.  Most of us have been (some still are!) in love.  Can you identify the moment you fell in love – not the first time you said it, but the moment that, even discounting that initial ‘love at first sight’ myth (it’s called lust!), or that 1 week after meeting, or that 1 year after being in a relationship, when being together and liking that person a lot, changed for you into love?  No?  That is because being in love, falling in love, is not what is being sold to by the media.

Love is a series of small moments that change your world;  a look, a kind gesture, a word, a touch – not at 3 am after 15 shooters, but over time.  It is the culmination of connection, the putting of someone before yourself, kindness, understanding, listening and ….. and all the stuff you can’t identify that are really the little things….

Achievement is like that… the little things.  It is ‘eating the elephant’ – how do you do it? One mouthful at a time.  Achievement is what happiness is.  Achievement is not success, or fame or glory, or even recognition.  Achievement is the doing, the act of movement towards realistic goals, tasks, jobs or even completing the mundane with awareness.

I didn’t mow the lawn because I got up late, had a slow breakfast and then it was time to watch the footy….  I got up, enjoyed my breakfast and walked outside and mowed the lawn and then sat down a loved watching the footy – I had achieved and enjoyed.

Achievement is not about doing it all today but, about doing something.  It is about having some goal, some aim, something to do towards making ‘things’ better – it can even be a phone call (especially the one you have been putting off)…  achievement may actually be about not doing things that don’t achieve in the traditional sense;  those beers every night after work, the junk food instead of making a meal, having a smoke break, having an argument about something that doesn’t matter….  achievement is everywhere; you just have to notice… and actually do it.

And what does all this achievement bring? Happiness.  Happiness is achievement – it is doing things that are good for you and even more so for others.

Achievement is like love – you will do a task, reach a goal, help someone, do the hardest task on your list – and at the end of the day, when you have achieved (or at least broke the back of a job) what you set out to do, take a moment… you are a bit tired perhaps, good tired from doing hard things… take a moment and you may find that happiness has crept up on you and you weren’t even looking for it when you where cleaning out the gutters.