Monthly Archives: July 2014

Better Happy Posts

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I like lots of things about Facebook.  I like the way you can connect with old friends that without Facebook you would never have been able to find.  That you can share your holidays and family photographs with each other.  That you can even have a whinge and on occasions share a pointless post (usually in my case because I have had a few too many wines) or a picture of your dinner!

I like the occasional stalking of a friend, or a friend of a friend – and the obligatory stalking of my children (and their friends who are leading them astray!).Screen Shot 2014-07-31 at 3.22.20 pm

I think Facebook does connect us.

But, I think it also lures us into the perfect world of meaningful social contribution on Facebook that we are unable to translate into the connections we are supposed to be having in the real world.

I think this is most obvious in the heartfelt sayings, insightful interpretations of life, or the sage like advice that are shared, reshared, tweeted and plastered all over our daily Facebook walls.  I find it hard to accept that I need to share a post to show I love my children, country, mother, brother etc etc.  In addition I find it hard to accept that Facebook is like a warm electronic hug from the enlightened social media set, yet my most meaningful interactions I have outside Facebook with people under 20 other than my kids, is when I asked  ‘would you like fries with that!”

Again, I love Facebook as a new way that it lets us find each other, stay in touch and share our lives.  But, I love it as an enhancement to my life not a substitute

2014-07-31 Facebook Mum SayingHow about my ‘happy post’ for today?

It is just that we are a long time dead yet we go about our lives as if we are immortal, or more to the point, those that we are not spending our time with, will have time enough tomorrow for us to catch with at our leisure (when all the other really important stuff in life is done!)

I made a photo book after my Dad died and in the back I put the following caption.

The other day I was trying to explain to the kids what were the important things in life and knowing the ‘value’ of something.  I said I would be happy to have no job, no house, no possessions except the clothes I was wearing and perhaps a tooth brush in my back pocket. I would give it all away, all my ‘things’ to spend 1 minute with my Dad.  I told then if I could do this, I would, with no regrets.  I miss him as much today as I did all those years ago.  I now attempt to honour him by living a life that would make him proud…. and sometimes when I falter, I know he would understand, forgive me and know (which is all he ever expected on any of us) I am doing my best.  I love my Dad and I miss him.

I was chatting today with a friend who’s Mother recently died and we had the conversation that only we could have.  It is the one that tells us that we now know that the finite life is finite and when it ends, it just does.  No profound long goodbyes or settlement of lifes questions.  It is just the end which you measure not mostly on the last day but on all the other days.

I think a ‘happy post’ should be said out loud and it should start something like this:

“Hi, I just thought I’d ring to say hello”

“Hi, just thought I’d drop in for a visit to see how you’re going”

“Sure I’ve got time for a chat, lets get a coffee right now”

One of my ‘better man’ mantra’s is to write about my life.  Perhaps in addition to that I should be writing a few more letters, a few more cards and to steal a famous quote from the movie Avatar, say to my friend and family “I see you” and for it to be literally.

 

 

 

 

Better News Isn’t Always Good News

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I wrote a post on Facebook the other day which read:

“A little bit of good news can make a big difference in your day”

And, that little bit of good news did make my day a whole lot better.  But, this is my life, remember.  It all collapsed when the little bit of good news turned into a whole lot of unknown bad news.

Don’t you hate that!

So, is it still a good day – yeah, I reckon so.  Why?  Because I’m still here.

I really have this problem in that my bits of bad news are really not that bad, yet they smash me in the head like catastrophes.

Most times nobody dies and most times they are my ‘first world’ type problems.  It’s that perspective thing again – I saw it when I wrote ‘Better Dead‘ and I am trying to live it a bit more; but life does get in the way.

So, my good news, turned bad news, is now just news.  I am still here and my day, week, month, year goes on.  I am sure that most of the rest of the world didn’t really notice me having a shit day.  I know there are lots of other people, some my friends, some just because they are Palestinians, who are having worse days than me – and they have no end in sight, perhaps ever.

Well, I’m still here.

 

 

 

Better thank Mrs Nesmith

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Bette Nesmith was Michael Nesmith’s mum. Michael Nesmith was ‘Mike’ in the 1960’s TV Show and the band The Monkies.2473674_orig

Mrs Nesmith invented ‘Liquid Paper’ or Tipex, or White Out or whatever you want to call typing correction fluid…. If you don’t know what typing is I’m in big trouble!

So why do I want to thank Mrs Nesmith.  It is a bit to do with the same reason we have rubbers on the ends of pencils….. We all make mistakes.

Neither the rubber nor Liquid Paper are time machines, they just let us rub out, or paint over our mistakes. Sometimes, though, mistakes are a bit more permanent. However considering that the Liquid Paper company sold for over $45 million and we still have rubbers (erasers!) on the ends of pencils, it appears that we all make enough little mistakes that warrant providing us with an ability to fix them and move on. As a matter of fact, it would appear that mistakes are pretty much at epidemic terms as now we have the ‘back space’ and ‘delete’ keys which are probably hit just as many times as the letters on a keyboard.

So we all make mistakes. I think I have established that.

So, what is my point?

I think it is that we accept that mistakes happen and that it is okay to fix them. I also think it is more important that we are a little more forgiving about those mistakes; both to others and especially to ourselves.

It may be said a thousand times that it is okay to make mistakes, or that we learn from our mistakes, but, when they happen do we actually think that way. Do we blame ourselves too much for stumbling a bit as we go through our day, our job, or our entire life. Does society really say it is okay to make mistakes, do we? As important is not perhaps the mistake, but how we react to it.

Okay, me of all people do not suffer fools lightly, but do I really think people start their day with the express purpose of going around fucking up, just to annoy me. Although some days it seems like it, I am sure this is not true.

Having the rubber on the end of my pencil, looking at the bottle of white-out or pressing that delete/back space key needs to be a different experience. It needs to be about how I accept that the world is pretty imperfect and mistakes do happen, most can be fixed or forgiven. If I manage to remind myself of it every now and again, I am sure it will help to make me a better man.

Thank you Mrs Nesmith.